We were lucky to catch up with Tanya Spencer recently and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Tanya thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. It’s always helpful to hear about times when someone’s had to take a risk – how did they think through the decision, why did they take the risk, and what ended up happening. We’d love to hear about a risk you’ve taken.

This is a story of NOT taking a risk. Or, more accurately, of being in denial, going through a lot of anguish, and then finally daring to go after my dreams.

Why the heck did I put myself through all those doubts?! You know the kind… Don’t – cause I worked so hard to be successful. Don’t – cause people my age don’t change careers. Don’t – cause I had a life that looked so good.

How could I even dare think of throwing it all away? So I piled on excuses, weighing myself down with bone-breaking stones – all to keep me stuck.

At the time, I was a global security and crisis management specialist. In some bitter twist of irony, my job was helping clients manage risks when their staff worked in dangerous places, yet I couldn’t manage the risk of redefining my life ambitions.

But to be brutally honest, the fear of changing careers was surface-level. Deeper down, I was terrified of admitting I had peaked and was in desperate need of defining a new kind of success for myself.

Instead, I added more stones to weigh me down.

Denial took its toll. I wasn’t having honest conversations about how I felt (that’s a nice way to say I was lying to myself, my then-husband, my clients, my friends… yep, everyone got their own little packet of bull so I could keep up the illusion).

More and more, my bones felt like they were breaking, leaving me with only my skin holding me up. Barely.

Unfortunately, I let it go too far. By the time I finally dared to be honest about the changes I needed, the damage had already been done. I left my husband and child in the house by the sea. I let my clients slip away. I didn’t care that magazines or news programs stopped featuring me as an expert. Friendships took too much energy so I let them go. I was a hollowed-out shell. And, that skin holding me up had become numb to reality.

That’s 12+ years I won’t get back. But I can’t waste time regretting them – Instead, I intentionally move forward. I’m rebuilding my life, being brutally honest about realizing my dreams, and supporting women through my F🤬ck Being Stuck coaching. Now, I’m putting the profound lesson I learned into action – NOT taking a risk can cost you far more than failure ever will.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

Too often, women in male-dominated fields second-guess their abilities, downplay their accomplishments, and feel like they don’t quite belong. Self-doubt holds us back from making the impact we know we’re capable of. And don’t get me started on that hot mess of ‘not enough-isms’ – in my case, to accept getting paid less than my male colleagues while still feeling the pressure to do more and more to highlight my value.

These undercurrents of doubt don’t always show up in obvious ways—it’s sneaky. It’s volunteering (again) to take the meeting notes. It’s assuming everyone else knows more, so you keep your insights to yourself. Those doubts eat away at your energy and leave you feeling stuck. You know you could do more, but figuring out how feels almost impossible. And it’s lonely. I know, because I’ve lived it.

When I worked in global security and crisis management, I saw these struggles constantly. I mentored women while leading teams across 35 countries, chairing a security network that spanned 194 nations, and consulting for organizations like the UN, governments, and Fortune 100 companies. Over time, I learned how to navigate these male-dominated spaces with confidence and helped others do the same.

That’s what my coaching is about. I’ve lived these challenges, and I know what works. My F🤬ck Being Stuck coaching helps women own their expertise, confidently communicate their leadership, and stop second-guessing themselves. Because when you get unstuck, you get to create the success you truly deserve – trust me, that is an absolutely amazing way to live with your power.

Any stories or insights that might help us understand how you’ve built such a strong reputation?

Back when I was starting my first business, I told the head of security of the world’s second-largest shipping company that he would be my client within two years. We were at a security network event where he was also the chairman. He embodied positional power. Meanwhile, I was a consultant starting my own company in the midst of the ‘old boys’ club.’ Oh, and I was not only a woman but a foreign one at that!

My approach was more than bold—it was WTF-level brazen. So much so that I also told him I had gigantic balls of steel and that’s why I wore such long skirts.

I was operating in a male-dominated field, but it was more than that – those C-suite guys and directors tended to be alpha-males. Power dynamics were intense and it could have been intimidating. Instead, I learned to tap into my assertiveness in a way that wasn’t confrontational but unapologetically confident.

In my F🤬ck Being Stuck coaching, the goal isn’t for other women to copy my moves. The key is understanding your own strengths, weaknesses, and unique qualities. Then get WTF-level confident with who you are and the value you bring to any situation. There’s so much power in that.

As for my bold “steel” move, within a few months, that same chairman asked me to join the board of the network to represent “Women in Security.” Once in, I took over external communications and noticed issues with membership growth so I developed a membership strategy. When a new chairman took over, he was so impressed that he created a “Member of the Year” award to recognize my contribution.

That was my first year. In my second year, I was nominated for the European board. Once in, they asked me to create a Women in Security strategy for all 24 countries. The model I developed got recognized by the entire network, which is the world’s largest security network.

I never did get the entire shipping company as a client—they couldn’t give that kind of contract to a one-person company, but I did work with their oil division.

And honestly, what mattered more was my realization that because of one bold move, I could create and step into the reputation I wanted.

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

In a way, I’ve already shared a story about a time when I WASN’T resilient, yet I needed it most. From that experience, I learned an invaluable lesson—resilience isn’t just about taking a weekend off and crossing your fingers that you’ll bounce back. It’s about honoring your self-care especially when you’re in the thick of it.

Sure, I’d never turn down a tropical vacation in Bali, but real resilience is built through micro-acts of self-love, kindness, and forgiveness – every day.

When you value yourself in this way, you create the foundation to weather the worst storms and thrive in your brightest moments.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.fitfabfresh40plus.com
• Instagram: tanya_fitfabfresh40plus
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tanya-spencer-mindsetcoach/

Image Credits

J. Jungersen, M. Eskekilde, H. Hulbæk