We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Tamara Fyke. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Tamara below.

Tamara, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?

I started a non-profit organization called Love In A Big World in 1996. Years later I took the intellectual property I created under that entity and repurposed it for a for-profit company. BlueWonder Creative was founded in June 2019…just 6 months before COVID. We endured the pandemic and have emerged in this post-COVID era positioned to serve children, families, schools and communities with mental health and wellbeing tools and resources.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

It was 2008. I was the mother of three young children, the wife of a priest, and a non-profit leader. The kids were out of control, the marriage was failing, and the
non-profit was financially unstable. We had started therapy…for the marriage, for the kids, for me. Going to appointments was my full-time job. In the midst of the mess, I met with an older woman who had been a priest’s wife for many years. As I described how my fiery little 5-year-old girl was acting out – spitting, kicking, yelling, screaming – the wise woman looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “She’s your canary in the mineshaft. Canaries sound the alarm.”
I was both puzzled and alarmed by her statement. Her words were giving me permission to admit what I had known deep down inside for years and years,
“Things are not okay…our family is not okay…our marriage is not okay…I am not okay.” And, thus, began the arduous journey of the last 15-years, recognizing
that one of the best gifts I can give to my children is to be my authentic self. When I am living out who I am created to be, then I give them permission and safety
to be who they are created to be. This has not been easy for me or my children. We have endured countless tears and heartaches, but we are still here. Now that my children are young adults sorting out the realities of the big world, I understand even more what a precious gift it is to be a refuge, a safe place, for them to share their hearts. And, at times, for me to let them know it is okay not to be okay…and that they are stronger than they think.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

March 8 is International Women’s Day. Across the globe, women join together to celebrate their rights and accomplishments as well as protest current injustices. From India to Russia, from Africa to the United States, women will let their voices be heard…voices of joy and voices of anger…human voices.

While reflecting on the significance of the day, I am reminded that each one of us has a story. Triumphs and tragedies shape our lives. Even more so, our responses to the good, the bad, and the ugly — our choices — impact our future. Choice is the opportunity and power to choose. Somewhere in the mix of the intentional and unintentional, the things we have done wrong and the hurts others have caused, as well as the successes we have experienced and the love others have given, we often struggle to find our voice. Yet if we don’t speak the very rocks will cry out. So here’s a bit of my story.

For most of my life, I felt like I didn’t fit in with other women. My eyes would glaze over during conversations about home décor and kid’s activities. The fact that I had never been pregnant also seemed to disqualify me from being part of this circle of women. I had not experienced the initiation process. Therefore, I was separate…alone.

The result of this loneliness was isolation. But then one day, a woman saw me. I’m not sure when she first noticed. I was taking my little ones to Family School. I was learning more about parenting and discipline. Each week at Family School, this woman — a social worker — would tell me, “Tamara, you are cute. You are smart. And you know what you’re talking about.” At first, these words seemed like a silly mantra from a Saturday Night Live skit. Over time, however, these words became life to me. I would look in the mirror, finding it difficult to look into my own eyes, and repeat the words I was told. Then one day during a session, I broke. I confessed to her that I felt like I was standing naked in the middle of the Arctic, with no one around. With an understanding look, a sympathetic ear, and a tender heart, she let me know I was not alone. After that it became easier to talk. Some didn’t want to hear about the pain I felt deep inside. It seemed like they wanted to give me an antidote that would eradicate the effects of the poison instantly, rather than walk with me through the process. Process is messy, time-consuming, and uncontrollable. I found an older woman who listened and prayed. She nurtured me through my divorce.

Not only did I talk to her, but I talked to my mom. During my years of silence, I had distanced myself from my parents. But when things fell apart, I couldn’t hide anymore…didn’t want to hide anymore. They welcomed me with open arms. Once again, I realized I was not alone. More importantly, I finally understood that I was loved just because I was their daughter.
Other single moms embraced me too. Some had been married and divorced… some had never been married. From these extraordinary women, I gained acceptance and support. I couldn’t have made it without their texts, phone calls, prayers, hugs, and visits. By helping me move, picking out paint colors, assembling the kids’ bunk beds, giving me silverware…they resuscitated me.
I found my long-lost sisters. One sister in particular held me as I sobbed, crying so long that I soaked her shirt with my tears and snot.

Afterwards, I was sure that she would run. Being this real with someone was scary, but she didn’t abandon me. My vulnerability built a bridge between us. Countless times since that first cry, we have talked, prayed, and cried together…for her sake and for mine.

From the women who have surrounded me, my mothers and my sisters, I have learned that I am not alone. I am not an outsider…a foreigner. I belong. I am part of the feminine circle…the sacred sisterhood. I am glad to be a woman…tender and vulnerable yet strong and beautiful. We are here for one another. We share life together. We show each other unconditional love.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.bluewondercreative.co
• Instagram: @tamaracreates
• Facebook: @Tamara Fyke
• Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/tamara-fyke-47816823

Image Credits
Nick Brier Photography Joan Tankersley, Stylist