We were lucky to catch up with Rena Mohamed recently and have shared our conversation below.

Rena, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?

I was born in May 1969 to a teenage mother and was placed for adoption. My adoptive family is a big family with West Indian roots who loved me immensely and I love them right back. As a family we are connected in ways that is not typical, my cousins are like my siblings, we spent summers and holidays together ever year. Even with this deep connection, I do not physically resemble them, I look different. While this was never an issue for my family and I was surrounded by love, I had a deep desire to find my biological family. I wanted to know who I looked like and where I came from. As a child I would scan crowds looking for anyone who resembled me. If I saw someone who fit the bill, even a little bit, I would wonder if that was my biological family. Over the years I thought about searching but was terrified of what I would find – would I be wanted, did anyone know about me, would I disrupt a family by showing up? At 48 I took the biggest risk of my life and decided to begin searching. I petitioned the court to open my records thinking this would lead to an immediate connection to my biological family. I was told it was a long shot, courts did not usually grant petitions to open records but I was determined to try. A few months later I was notified that my petition was granted and I could not believe it!! I thought this meant I was well on my way!! Unfortunately, this is not how things worked. What I received was a court order to have my records opened but through an intermediary that was charged with reviewing my records and attempting to make contact with no guarantees. This search also came with a cost. I was devastated but decided to stay the course. For months I anxiously waited updates and they came slowly. First I was told there was enough information to search for my biological mother but not my biological father. More time passed, and then I was told that my biological mother was likely located and I was asked to write her a letter. More time passed, and the updates stopped. As the months passed, I decided to take an Ancestry DNA test. I figured I could at least know my genetic make up. I sent in my sample and waited for the results. When I received the results I was met with a few surprises, I matched with two people identified as first cousins!! I was once again excited about the potential opportunity to find my biological family. I messaged the individuals and again time passed with no response. Another roadblock. After about a year I received a new message indicating that there was a new match – a very close relative. I did not know what that meant and initially did nothing. After a few days I sent a message. Within hours I got a response! After a few exchanges and confirming of information I got the news I had been praying for, I found my biological mother!! I was in disbelief and a little scared. That evening we connected, talked for hours and have remained in contact ever since. My family has now expanded to include siblings, aunts uncles, and more cousins! I was finally able to make the dreams of the little girl inside me come true,

Rena, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

I have spent my career in the field of mental health. I have worked in the areas of early childhood, child and adolescent mental health, juvenile justice and education. I currently work in the field of substance use treatment. My career began in Head Start, an early intervention program for young children and their families. It was through this work I learned the importance of early intervention and how a child’s early years build their foundation. I also learned the impact of trauma and how hard parents work to provide the best they can for their children. These lessons have stayed with me over the years as I have worked with a range of populations. My approach is to always try to understand what happened in an individual’s life and how this impacts their current choices. For me emotional wellness is as important as physical health, mental health is not a dirty word. We all have challenges and troubles we are facing. Some of us have an array of tools to help us manage those challenges, other have fewer tools. I also believe in the power of advocacy and helping individuals find and use their voice. Each person is an expert on their lives, what works for them, and what they need. Too often this voice is lost in a sea of so called experts. We look to professionals to have the answers or the fix for our problems. As a mental health professional I see myself as a guide and resource rather than the one who has all the answers. I aim to help individuals explore options and try different tools to see what works for them. My goal is to help people see and embrace their unique talents and to use those to create the life they want.

Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?

Any helping profession takes a unique set of skills aimed at helping people feel heard and being a partner with them on their journey. Listening, really listening, to someone is more than hearing the words they are saying. It is about conveying a sense of understanding and creating a space where they feel safe to share. When someone feels heard it opens the door to building a relationship and it is in that relationship where helpers can be the facilitators of change. What I have found is this skill is not often taught in school or through professional development but it is crucial to success. Listening is also a skill that needs to be practiced as it is not always as easy as it may appear. Often we get caught up in wanting to make our point or in wanting to be right which blocks our ability to truly hear and listen. I have had many experiences of when I have been able to successfully listen individuals have shared their full story without hesitation or fear. I spoke with a grandparent who was raising his grandchildren who called upset about an interaction with a staff member. As I listened to his story, asked questions, and began to understood the source of his frustration I learned about his family, how his grandchildren came into his care, his concern for his child, and what he felt he needed to provide the best care for his family. I spoke to this grandparent several times over a number of months to check in, offer support, and provide guidance. I truly believe my success was rooted in being able to listen without judgement and make this grandparent be heard which created the space to begin problem solving and addressing the issues he raised.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

Early in my career as a first time supervisor I was full with excitement, energy, and ready to change the world with my talent!! I was working in Head Start and transitioned from the Mental Health Consultant to the Education Coordinator responsible for the full education component of the program and for supervising a team of early childhood educators. I had worked with this staff as a consultant so I thought the transition would be easy. I was armed with all my knowledge of early childhood development and emotional wellbeing and was ready to go!! Within a few months I quickly learned that perhaps there were some other skills I needed in order to be successful in this position. I found myself often overwhelmed with ensuring classroom coverage when staff members called out. I would arrive to work with a singular focus, find the coverage needed for the classrooms that were short staffed. I was so focused I did not stop to greet anyone as I entered the building, I needed to find substitutes. After several more months, the teaching team asked to meet with me. I was taken aback. I was working hard, making sure classrooms had coverage, ensuring we were meeting all the federal requirements. What could the issue be? When I met with my team their biggest complaint was I never spoke to anyone when I got to work. I came in and went straight to my office. In my mind I was doing my job and making sure no teacher was left alone with 18 three to five year olds. But what my team wanted was connection. I had to remind myself the importance of relationship. People don’t care what you know until they know you care. Slowly I began to shift my behavior. I made sure to greet everyone when arrived at work. I made time to have conversation with members of my team to learn about them, what mattered to them, where were they having struggles. Over time I saw changes. Was it perfect? No. Was I always perfect? No. But I do believe that I was able to show that I could hear feedback and honestly make attempts to change.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.davidsloft.com/
• Facebook: https://facebook.com/davidsloftclinicalprograms

Image Credits

Rena Mohamed