We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Kay Adams. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Kay below.

Hi Kay, thanks for joining us today. What’s something crazy on unexpected that’s happened to you or your business?

Since I started my dementia coaching and training business back in 2019, I’ve found it fascinating how new referrals find their way to me. Sometimes they come from providers in various medical systems, sometimes from a friend, and other times someone discovers me while surfing the internet. Regardless of how they come about, one of the most interesting referrals I’ve received was from a lady who was in the audience during a presentation I gave at an Alzheimer’s conference in Denver. I never had the pleasure of meeting the person responsible for recommending me to her employer, but I am grateful she did. Because of it, I had one of the most memorable family meetings of my entire career.

I received a voicemail message one day from a woman who sounded both poised and panicked at the same time. She said she had gotten my contact information from someone her family employed. She wanted to talk to me about a situation that was going on between her mother and father and asked that I return her call at my earliest convenience. When I called her back the following morning, Bridget answered the phone on the second ring and sounded anxious to speak to me. She explained that her dad still worked part time in the family business as a way to stay mentally stimulated, despite being in his late seventies. She went on to explain that her mom, whom I will call “Doris,” had been diagnosed with dementia a few years earlier and that her dad, who I will call “Peter,” had been the sole caregiver for his wife until recent months when he decided he needed more assistance.

Bridget explained that her mom had a stroke about a year before she was diagnosed with dementia and that everything began to change following that event. Doris became paranoid and was convinced that her husband was trying to give away her prized possessions in the house without her permission. To prevent that from happening, Doris tried to conceal the items in places she thought no one would ever look. Unfortunately, she would quickly forget about the objects she had so carefully hidden, and when she couldn’t locate them again later, this only served to reinforce her distorted belief that her husband was behind the scheme. As a result, Peter was becoming very stressed out and overwhelmed, so Bridget said she wanted to hire me ASAP to facilitate a family consultation meeting between herself and her father. She wanted to discuss the escalating concerns in her parents’ home and how to reasonably plan for the future as her mom’s dementia continued to progress. We set a date for the following week, and Bridget requested that we meet at her dad’s office.

For some reason, I had made up a picture in my head of what her dad’s office would look like. I pictured a small mom-and-pop shop where Peter went a few days a week to putter around and pass his time. I imagined him reading the newspaper in his office, lingering over coffee, and maybe even taking an occasional nap in his chair before calling it a day. Needless to say, I was completely unprepared for what I found when I arrived at the appointed address! The state-of-the-art office building was surrounded by huge trees and gorgeous landscaping. When I entered the marbled lobby, I told the receptionist at the front desk that I was there to see Peter, and she immediately responded by saying, “You must be Kay! Come right this way,” and she led me to an elevator that took me to the top floor of the complex, where I found Peter and Bridget awaiting my arrival in a large and elegantly decorated office suite, with Peter seated powerfully at the head of the long conference room table that looked like it belonged in the West Wing of the White House! And there I was, dressed in casual capri’s and sandles, with only my phone and a clipboard in hand for the event.

At the end of the intense, hour-long consultation meeting, Peter stood up and pulled an emormous wad of money out of his pants pocket and started counting out $100 dollar bills on the table to pay me, stating: “I assume you accept cash in your business?” I was too stunned to even try to object, and obviously took the payment that he offered me.

After that very memorable meeting, I learned a very valuable lesson in my business: To take the time to find out WHO my new clients are before I ever meet with them, and to refrain from making up my own stories about what they might be like, as I can obviously be SO wrong when I do!. Peter drove that lesson home for me in a way I will never forget!

Kay, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and founder of Compassion Works, LLC. I have over 30 years of experience counseling and coaching individuals and families around a broad array of complex emotional and health-related challenges. I have worked extensively in the fields of geriatrics, hospice, palliative care and mental health counseling over the course of my career. Since 2001, I have served in a variety of capacities with people living with dementia, as well as with their families and care partners. As a result of this intimate and rewarding work, I have developed a strong passion and expertise for supporting, educating, coaching and training personal and professional care partners around issues related to life-limiting illnesses, grief and loss, and the disease of dementia.

My diverse background has given me a very unique perspective that I bring to my work as a dementia coach, and that sets me apart in my business. I have worked as a hospice social worker at bedside with patients living with end-stage dementia for over 8 years. I have also worked at the opposite end of the spectrum in a diagnostic Memory Clinic for Kaiser where our team tested, evaluated, and first diagnosed people with cognitive impairment and dementia. And I now work as a dementia coach and educator with family members and organizations around the country regarding this disease and how to care for and suport people living with dementia, while also taking care of themselves in the process. I intimately know and understand just how brutually difficult this diease can be for everyone involved, and am passionate about doing what I can to improve the lives of those impacted by this epidemic illness.

I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Nebraska in 1984 and a Masters in Social Work from Augsburg University in 1994. I am a Certified Dementia Consultant, and started my own company Compassion Works, LLC in 2019 in order to focus my passion and energy on engaging care partners and organizations impacted by dementia.

I was born and raised in Lincoln Nebraska, and spent 10 years living in St Paul Minnesota before relocating permanently to the beautiful Denver area in 1987 where my son Eli was born. He has expanded my ability to love and be compassionate in profound ways, and is the greatest teacher and blessing of my life. When I am rejuvenating myself away from work, I relish spending time with my family and friends, being in nature, deepening my spiritual path, spoiling my pets, reading, writing, laughing, learning, and traveling whenever I get the chance.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

I was only a little over a year into working full-time in my business when the COVID-19 pandemic hit in March of 2020. By the middle of April, all of my planned in-person speaking events for the entire year were cancelled, and most of my coaching clients became scared to spend the money on my services in light of the disease that had everyone petrified of the future, and of what would happen next. On top of that, our son Eli was a 4th grader at the time, and he suddenly had to obtain his education from a laptop in our living room with me as the one to oversee his studies since I was the only parent who worked from home during that period.

Between March of 2020 and the end of January of 2021, Eli only attended school in-person 3 days!!! It became overwhelmingly stressful, and my new business almost completing died at the time because prior to COVID, I met with all of my coaching clients in person, and all the workshops I did were also in person, and none of that was happening anymore– for anyone.

I ended up pivoting like so many others, and learned how to run by business on Zoom. I started by teaching virtual dementia workshops, then added in virtual coaching sessions via Zoom with family members. And because I was no longer tied to meeting with people on-site, I now work with care partners across the country over Zoom and regularly teach virtual workshops with a national audience. And with my “free time” during COVID, I started writing the book that I’ve dreamed of writing for over 20 years. Bedside Witness: Stories of Hope, Healing, and Humanity just went live on Amazon in July and I couldn’t be prouder of that accomplishment– especially since I had NO plans to write a book that year at all!

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

My mom was born the year the Great Depression began. I have been raised my whole life to scrimp, to save for a rainy day, and to seek financial security at every turn in case impending disaster ever happens in my lifetime. Because of that, I have historically never been one to take big risks in my career– especially risks that would involve giving up a regular paycheck for a life of self-employment with no idea of how I was going to support myself financially.

I’m not going to lie–it hasn’t all been a cake walk! If I had known there would be a world-wide pandemic in year two of my business, I would have certainly never left my job at Kaiser and went out on my own. But now that I’ve been an entrepreneur for a few years, I’ve learned that I CAN run a business even though I don’t have a business background, and that I can positively impact far more people these days than I could have ever done by staying in my 40-hour-a-week job of the past. If I hadn’t taken that risk, I would never be reaping such benefits now!

Contact Info:

• Website: kaymadams.com
• Facebook: Compassion Works by Kay Adams
• Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/kay-adams-lcsw-compassionworks

Image Credits
Photo by Carl Studna