We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Dr. Ellen Honsa a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Dr. Ellen thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. What’s the best advice you ever gave to a client? How did they benefit / what was the result? (Please note this response is for education/entertainment purposes only and shouldn’t be construed as advice for the reader)

“The version of you that survived isn’t the version of you that gets to live.”

I work with a lot of people who look completely fine from the outside. High-functioning, put-together, probably the person that others lean on. But internally? Total chaos. They’re exhausted in a way they can’t fully explain, and they feel vaguely guilty about it because nothing is “technically” wrong.

This is actually one of the most common presentations I see — especially at the intersection of neurodivergence (e.g., ADHD, ASD) and trauma. The ADHD brain is already wired for urgency. It runs better with a crisis. So when you add real trauma on top of that, you get someone who got really, really good at managing — and now can’t turn it off (even when there’s nothing left to manage).

For example, many of my clients have done previous work. Therapy, self-reflection, etc….They are insightful into naming their own patterns. But every decision they made was still coming from a place influenced by previous experiences. When you grow up constantly learning things about keeping yourself safe, you probably never got the memo that it was over.

So I tell them pretty directly: The version of you that got you here was incredible. That version kept you alive and functioning when things were actually hard. But that version of you doesn’t get to run the show anymore. You don’t need that version to make decisions. You don’t need that version to manage your relationships. That version of you did their job. It’s okay to let them rest.

For many, something genuinely shifts in this moment — because nobody had ever done both things at once. Honored that part of them AND also challenged it. Most approaches either pathologize survival mode or just validate it forever. Neither actually gets you anywhere.

With this, the real work becomes: What would you do if you actually believed you were okay? What would a lifestyle that honors who you are (instead of forcing yourself to be something you’re no longer) look like? This specific work opened up more for my clients than months of processing did.

Here’s the thing about ADHD and trauma living in the same brain — both of them train your nervous system to stay ready. To not get comfortable. To keep scanning. So when things actually calm down, it doesn’t feel like relief. It feels suspicious. Teaching someone that they don’t have to pretend or perform anymore…that safety is real and they’re allowed to settle into it — that’s the work. And honestly, it’s my favorite work to do.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

I’m Dr. Ellen Honsa, a clinical psychologist and the founder of Priority Mental Health, based in Minneapolis. I am an expert in Neurodivergence, Burnout, and Trauma. I specialize in ADHD and autism evaluations, diagnostic clarification, and EMDR therapy — and my whole practice is built around one core belief: that good mental health care shouldn’t require you to be on a waitlist for six months or pay out of pocket like you’re booking a luxury vacation. I am truly dirven to help others build a life that feels honest, regulated, and deeply theirs.

How I got here is pretty personal. I’ve always been drawn to the people who don’t fit neatly into a box — the ones who are clearly smart, clearly capable, clearly trying, but keep hitting walls that nobody else seems to be hitting. A lot of those people go years without understanding why. They get misdiagnosed and labeled as lazy, anxious, too sensitive, too much. And then they finally get an evaluation and everything clicks into place. This was similar to my experience growing up, where I did not get diagnosed properly with ADHD until age 27. That was a life-changing moment for me. Now, I want to be the person who provides that to others…but in a way that happens faster, and more accessibly, than the current system allows.

The primary service at Priority Mental Health is comprehensive psychological testing — primarily for ADHD and autism–for kids, teens, and adults. We’re one of the very few practices that accept insurance, have no waitlist, turn results around in about three weeks, and can test virtually across 44 states (or in-person in Minnesota). That combination genuinely doesn’t exist most places. People are used to being told it’s a nine-month wait, cash only. I am doing it differently on purpose.

What I’m especially passionate about is late-identified neurodivergence — particularly in female-identifying individuals. The number of women who spent their entire childhoods being told they were fine, just anxious, just a people-pleaser, just bad at adulting — and who come to me in their 30s, finally getting answers — that never gets old. Female ADHD and autism present so differently than what most people picture, and the diagnostic gap is real and it’s harmful. That’s a problem I take seriously.

What sets me apart — honestly — is that I’m not performing expertise. I’m not the clinician who talks at you in jargon or makes you feel like a case file. I care deeply about this community, I understand it personally, and I’m going to be straight with you about what I see and what I think. That’s true in session and it’s true in how I show up online.

What I’m most proud of is building something that actually removes barriers instead of just talking about it. Accepting insurance in a field that rarely does, keeping the waitlist at zero, making testing virtual so geography isn’t the reason someone goes undiagnosed — those weren’t the easy choices, but they were the right ones.

What I want people to know most is this: if you’ve spent years feeling like something is off but you can’t quite name it, or you’ve been told you don’t “seem like” someone with ADHD or autism — come get tested! You deserve an actual answer, not another person’s gut feeling about whether you qualify. You also deserve a life that is built around your unique brain and nervous system. Let’s figure out who you actually are and build a life around that!

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

That working harder and having better systems would eventually fix everything.
For a long time I genuinely believed that if I just found the right system, optimized my schedule enough, and pushed through hard enough — I’d get to some finish line where everything felt manageable. And the mental health field does not help with this. It basically rewards the people who never stop. More clients, more hours, more output. Hustle is dressed up as passion and nobody questions it.

So I didn’t question it either. I just kept going.

The problem with that — especially for someone like myself, with ADHD — is that we can mask burnout really well. We’re still showing up, still performing, still checking boxes. From the outside everything looks fine. But internally, we’re running on nothing, and the gap between how we look and how we feel keeps getting wider. That’s not sustainable for anyone, but for an ADHD brain it’s genuinely dangerous. We don’t have the same buffer other people have. When we’re depleted, we’re depleted.
And the answer I kept reaching for was — a better system. Better time blocking. A more realistic to-do list. Some new productivity framework that was finally going to be the one that saved me.

That’s not the answer. You cannot systematize your way out of burnout. A prettier planner does not fill an empty cup.
What actually had to change was the balance itself. Not how I was managing the chaos — but actually reducing the chaos. I had to deeply consider how to protect rest, stop faking fine when I wasn’t, and build a life that didn’t require me to mask constantly.

The real fix was creating a new relationship with capacity — knowing mine, respecting it, and stopping the glorification of exhaustion as proof that I care.

I bring this into my work constantly now because I see it everywhere. The clients who come in burned out, convinced they just need better habits. And what they actually need is permission to stop pouring from an empty cup and call it a personal failure.

What do you think helped you build your reputation within your market?

Honestly? People can tell when you actually care.

A lot of people who come to me for testing or therapy are not walking in feeling great about it. They’re walking in having spent years being told they’re fine, or being made to feel like their struggles are a personality flaw, or genuinely afraid of what a diagnosis might mean for how people see them. The stigma around neurodivergence is real, and I don’t dismiss that. People have been burned before — by systems, by providers, by well-meaning people who still made them feel like a problem to be solved.

So the reputation I’ve built isn’t really about credentials (though, those matter!!!). It’s about what happens when someone actually sits across from me — or logs on for a virtual appointment — and realizes pretty quickly that I’m not going to make them feel weird for being who they are.

I specialize in this population specifically because I understand it. Not just clinically, but also personally. I get the experience of being high-functioning and still struggling. Of looking fine and feeling anything but. Of having people doubt you because you don’t fit their picture of what ADHD or autism looks like. When a client feels that understanding in the room, something relaxes. They stop performing and start being honest. And that’s where the real work actually begins.

The other piece is that I genuinely go above and beyond — not as a marketing point, but because that’s just the standard I hold myself to. Above and beyond looks like: thorough evaluations, real explanations of results, unique tools, and specialized recommendations. Clients leave understanding themselves better than when they came in. And that matters to me!

People talk. When someone finally gets answers after years of confusion, or finally feels seen by a provider after years of feeling dismissed — they tell people. That word of mouth is everything. You can’t manufacture that with a good website. It comes from the actual experience of being cared for well.

My reputation was built one client at a time…by refusing to make people feel like a burden for needing help understanding their own brain.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://prioritymentalhealth.org
• Instagram: @drellenhhonsa
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellen-honsa

Image Credits

*Personal Pictures