We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Chemika Decha a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Chemika, appreciate you joining us today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?
Of course, there are many defining moments but I chose to ignore them until March of 2019. I could no longer resist and had no choice but to listen to my mental health team.
Session after session, my therapist would inform me that my childhood trauma was getting in my way; affecting my ability to work, maintain healthy relationships, and effectively communicate with others without things relating back to my trauma and I becoming triggered. At first I didn’t understand until she started to clarify things. I started evaluating how I would react to certain situations in the office and in my personal life. I would overwork myself, meaning I would work eight to ten hours a day without a break, not even to use the bathroom, I would not eat lunch or talk to my coworkers. I would also overreact to personal situations that my superiors were attempting to deal with. I felt the need to go above and beyond everyday and when I didn’t, I felt like a failure. The only time I didn’t work was when I was asleep and driving to/from the office. These are just a few examples that lead to me having to take FMLA from my employer.
It was time for me to look in the mirror and see myself and understand what was going on with me internally. I was hurting because my mother’s husband molested me for seven years as a child. I felt like I had no one to protect me but, my abuser.
This moment broke me because I had to face reality. This was the defining moment when I made the decision to move forth to share my mother’s husband’s secret. I could no longer run, hide, or try to ignore the pain that I was feeling deep down inside of me because I wanted to mask it with the busyness of life and work. I really broke down and thought how I could live with this weight of “his secret” on me. I got the courage, and I shared my story with authorities over and over again. Each time I shared the weight of “his secret” was lifted off me, more and more. I felt relieved! That was only for a moment because I had to next prepare for court and the day that I would get to see him face to face and understand why he felt the need to have s*x with a nine year old, a ten year old, a eleven year old, a twelve year old, a thirteen year old, a fourteen year old, a fifteen year old, and a sixteen year old little girl.
I prepared myself for the day that I would see him in court. After seeing him in court for the second time I attempted suicide. Yes, I did! I thought how he could look so well in jail and here I’m barely able to hygiene every morning. At this moment, I didn’t think I had anything to live for. I felt very lonely, unheard, unseen, so I overdosed on my prescribed medication by taking the entire bottle at one time. By the grace of God, I survived with no internal or physical injuries. I walked out of the hospital the same day after being there for about 10 hours. I will NEVER try to commit suicide again! … I felt stripped of all my power. I didn’t have any of my personal belongings down to my wedding ring; everything was locked in a storage area. I was searched and stripped from head to toe like I was a robber and given a paper gown to wear. I had on no bra, no panties, no nothing, just a paper gown with a male security guard sitting outside my door. I’ve never felt so violated. I promised myself that if I was released from the hospital that I will never attempt suicide again because the mental ward is not for me.
Many people will say I’ve been on my journey for a while, and I’ll say I’m just getting started because there’s so much more that I can learn about my triggers as it relates to my childhood abuse. I will remain ten toes down supporting and helping other women to find their voice while healing from the childhood abuse that someone else caused.
The lesson that I’ve learned from sharing “his secret” you may not get the answer you are looking for, but you got an answer that has to be accepted because you are a warrior, and he can no longer hurt you!
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
My name is Chemika Decha. She is the Co-Founder / CEO of CHOSEND, LLC dba Peace Clique Coaching. Chemika is a Self-Healing Trauma Coach. Chemika is a loving mother of a young man that she considers an extension of her hip, a bonus mother to her future carbon copy, and a wife to her kryptonite. Chemika is a survivor of sexual assault and has a passion to help other black women that have suffered through traumatic experiences. She also is a believer in Christ and understands without Him, she would not be where she is today. She is a Self-Healing Trauma Coach and has coached 12 women in their journeys to physical and mental wellness, has been actively seeking healing for herself for 3 years, and has five years of experience working with individuals with trauma in State Services. She enjoys spending time with her family, reading books, and taking scenic rides with her husband sightseeing. Chemika has a natural skill to serve and a passion for following the Holy Spirit. She is the owner and founder of Peace Clique Coaching, which uses the implementation of healthy daily practice like coping techniques to support brave black women looking to regain peace in the midst of their healing.
Chemika helps her clients solve various problems based on their childhood trauma as it relates to sexual abuse by a trusted family member which has led to PTSD in adulthood. She helps them to understand that they are not alone, they have a voice, and validation of their feelings and emotions. Inside of Peace Clique, we break down the aspects of how to maintain interpersonal relationships because they are ghetto, shift mindsets around childhood abuse, help clients to effectively communicate her needs, wants and desires, and ultimately learn how to appreciate who she is. Overall, clients gain a friend for accountability. To this day past clients contact her to share how they’ve been able to navigate their challenges with the resources and tools she’s given them and they celebrate together. Chemika loves a good celebration!
What sets Chemika apart from other trauma coaches is her personality and how she’s able to relate with her clients. Chemika is currently engaged in her healing journey and that doesn’t stop her from supporting someone else.
Chemika is most proud of being able to finally share her mother’s husband’s secret. She was so afraid to share in fear of destroying her family. After 20 years, she’s became brave enough with the assistance from her mental health team to share her story and since that day she hasn’t been able to be quiet because she knows there is someone else that has dealt with being violated by their father, uncle, grandfather, or cousin. She wants them to know that it’s not okay that she was violated but now it’s time to share so that you can start living your life free of embarrassment, shame, and guilt.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
The lesson that I had to unlearn was being open to communicating with others.
I know you are wondering why I ever had a problem with communicating. Communicating is an easy thing to do because we are always talking to someone.
At the age of nine my abuser, my mother’s husband, made it clear that I don’t share what he has done to me. No, he didn’t verbally say that to me but he knew I was vulnerable and impressionable because I was nine years old.
I was a young girl who was raised in a single-family home where her mother worked many hours to care for the family so my grandmother did a lot of the day-to-day caring for my brother and I. So, when this man, my abuser came around that seemed to really care for my family and he eventually married my mother, why would I share his story? I thought he was the best thing that could have ever happened to my family because my mother was able to be loved, didn’t have to care for her family alone which meant I got to spend more time with her, and she was able to go back to school to obtain her Bachelor of Science in nursing. This was a win, win for my family and I.
Since running after my healing, I knew that communicating with others was not a strong point for me and I sure didn’t know how to effectively communicate without copping out. My healing journey has taught me to pause when things seem to be too difficult to discuss and come back to the conversation after I’ve been able to “cool” off. This has helped me tremendously because not only am I validating my feelings of running away but I’m giving myself time to recover. Now, I’m able to express my emotions to others even when they are difficult and I’m afraid to. I dig deep down into my toolbox and do the opposite of what I’m feeling, and this is one of the many methods that I teach my clients.
Can you tell us about what’s worked well for you in terms of growing your clientele?
The most effective strategy for growing my clientele has been to share my story as much as possible, show up authentically as myself, and be real with my audience. I use one platform even though I have accounts on other platforms, but Instagram has been the best for me. I share valuable content on my feed, along with client reviews, and I go LIVE for a quick tip Wednesday #QTW.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/peacecliquecoaching
Image Credits
I made the logo on Canva and the other are pictures of me taken by my husband or I,