We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Ali Tepper, M.Ed., BCC a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Ali, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Let’s start with education – we’d love to hear your thoughts about how we can better prepare students for a more fulfilling life and career
My first job in education was a classroom teacher and while my students made me smile daily, it was one the of most heartbreaking times of my life. Right around my third year teaching, my student’s genuine morning hugs and lightbulb moments couldn’t outweigh the constant pressure from the administration to focus on behavior management as a means to get kids learning and engaging in school. It felt like we were constantly putting out fires instead of looking deeper at what might be causing the behaviors in the first place. By only focusing on how the child was acting in the moment, it was like assuming the size of an iceberg based on the frosty tip above the water. So, consequences and behavioral referrals were dolled out like candy around me.
And while I know many schools don’t follow this antiquated model of rewards and punishments, we’re seeing crisis levels of anxiety, stress, lack of school engagement, and other mental health issues amongst our vulnerable youth. Yes, reintegration after a global pandemic plays a huge role but this problem isn’t new. It’s just more in our face.
After 10+ years working in education as a teacher, curriculum and learning game developer, trainer, and now parenting coach, there are 4 major ways things can improve for our kids when it comes to school:
Trauma-Informed Support: If we want more fulfilled and focused students, trauma-informed training and ongoing self-care practice has to start with those in charge. Teachers should be provided culturally responsive education so they can show up with empathy, warmth and respect for every student in the class. But teachers need built-in emotional suport for the demands this level of care and attentiveness requires. I’m currently working with the non-profit Hand in Hand Parenting to bring listening tools to the classroom so teachers can better connect with students and respond to their emotions at the nervous system level as well as a practical way for educators to offload their own daily stress and find relief.
Social-Emotional Learning: If we want students to grow up and live out their own definition of success, their social-emotional health must be addressed before and alongside academic learning. SEL equips kids with skills around responsible decision-making, positive relationships, self-awareness, goal-setting, and social awareness.
Daily Play: Kids of all ages need unstructured time to play – every single day – not as a reward or something “extra”. This provides freedom the mind and body need to be silly, introspective, make mistakes, and explore with imagination. This is where creativity and collaboration flourish – attributes that the top global employers seek over an ivy league degree.
Family Engagement: When parents feel welcomed and relaxed in the school, students can find a a greater sense of belonging and self-confidence there too. Here in my town of Dripping Springs, TX our school has a WatchDog program where dads sign up to volunteer for one whole school day – they do the morning announcements with their student, go to class and even recess. It’s a powerful way to involve fathers and in fact, this year the program was booked up by the beginning of October!
When teachers and parents really see and understand the whole child – including their unique histories, needs, and strengths – students naturally want to do well, make friends, try hard, and dream big about their futures.
My mission is to make this easier for teachers parents to do at home and in school.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
I’m Ali and I’m a Board Certified Coach and Parent Educator helping you bring a conscious approach to addressing your kids’ challenging behaviors and parental stress to restore peace, cooperation, and joy in your home. The core of my practice is a collaborative and deeply supportive process that helps you confidently navigate your children’s emotional upsets, communicate effectively through conflict, and replace reactive patterns with listening, play, and connection.
We parents live in an endless sea of quick tips and tricks that don’t address the root cause of our children’s difficult behaviors or help us shift our reactionary patterns in a sustainable, realistic way.
So, I’m here to say we don’t need another “hack” – we need a paradigm shift. It’s time to revolutionize the way grown-ups understand, treat, and support children. At the same time, parents deserve and need an immense amount of care and education to be able to show up with patience, empathy, and playfulness.
Here’s the best part: It’s never been a better time to be a parent. Cutting-edge research is clear on what children and parents need to thrive and how we can create secure relationships with our children and ourselves. But I know it can be overwhelming to distill this research in a way that applies to your child and specific situation. That’s where I come in.
I’ve spent over a decade teaching kids, designing social-emotional learning curricula, and coaching parents. I understand why children act the way they do, why we react the way we do, and how to make this precious relationship easier and more fun. And I’m still learning – and making mistakes – every day as a mama of 3 kids (and one rescue pup).
I offer one-hour consultations, 1:1 coaching, and a 12-week transformational parenting course. I live in Austin but all of this work is done virtually.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
Unlearning the word “perfect” from our vocabulary is key to thriving in any business and frankly, in life.
In my case, I’ve had to unlearn the unseen and self-imposed pressure to be perfect in order to feel successful or enough in my work, my body, my parenting, and other relationships.
For many years, I was scared to tell people I was a parenting coach because what if right after I say that, my kid has a screaming meltdown leaving the playground (the horror!) or my pantry looks like a crumb bomb exploded, or I lose my patience with my eight-year-old. The list goes on of my imperfect parenting moments.
But the truth is – I’m not aiming for perfection and neither should my clients. We’re aiming for a better repair process and a return to love and connection. We’re aiming for emotional acceptance– not perfection.
Our imperfect moments are the stories my parents relate to most and make us all feel less judged and alone. And more than that, talking about my own lessons learned and course corrections let others know that change is possible. Things start to get better when we stop blocking our growth by expecting perfection.
Waiting for your presentation to be “perfect” or waiting until you feel “smart enough” to lead others is a losing game. Not only is it an impossible task but it doesn’t reach people in the same authentic way. When we stand in our truth, our clients feel safe enough to accept their own.
What do you think helped you build your reputation within your market?
I focused more on building relationships in my local and regional community rather than starting with social media and online marketing. I took good care of each person who wanted to work with me and that helped ignite the network effect. Word of mouth is a more powerful currency than likes, or even comments, on a post. In fact, after years of doing this work, I just launched my website and I’m starting to look towards social media as a way to communicate with a wider audience.
Contact Info:
- Website: raisingyouandme.com
- Instagram: raisingyouandmewithali
- Other: https://www.handinhandparenting.org/instructor/ali-tepper/
Reach out to me directly at ali@raisingyouandme.com
Image Credits
Aneta Hayne Photography, Daniela Barreto Photography and Lauren Clark Photography