Today we’d like to introduce you to Karen Debonis
Hi Karen, thanks for joining us today. We’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.
I thought I was ready for motherhood. I had years of experience as a big sister and babysitter. I had unconditionally loving parents as role models and a devoted husband I called my “rock.” I had a degree in psychology, with numerous child development courses under my belt. Love and limits and stability at home, I had believed, would ensure my children were happy and healthy. I would be that powerful a mom.
But my resume of experience had not prepared me for Matthew.
My expectations of motherhood quickly shattered when I realized that love does not conquer all. My overflowing heart didn’t cure my son Matthew’s colic or hyperactivity or his year of oppositional behavior. I also discovered that being exclusively nice (a euphemism for people-pleasing) did not make the world return the favor.
At eight, Matthew developed an eye-rolling tic. I would later describe his “ocular Ferris Wheel” as the “beginning of the end of the old Matthew.” He’d never be the same. Nor would I. Parenting a sick child pushed me to the limits of what I was capable of as a mother, but I survived. I grew stronger.
Motherhood is one of life’s greatest teachers. I was slow to learn her lessons, but now I have a memoir to tell the whole story. Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived, released in 2023 by Apprentice House Press, is available wherever books are sold. I recently produced the audiobook, and it’s slowly making its way to your favorite audiobook retailer.
We all face challenges, but looking back would you describe it as a relatively smooth road?
Learning to write:
Somehow, I earned an undergraduate and graduate degree without knowing that “it’s” is never possessive. I must have been absent that day in middle school English class.
I never was a writer. I wasn’t one of those kids under their covers at night with a flashlight scribbling short stories. I didn’t write poetry as an angst-filled teen or starry-eyed young professional and mother.
Then, in 1997, my 11-year-old son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I knew I needed to write the story of my shattered expectations of motherhood, and how the collision of medical gaslighting with my people-pleasing contributed to Matthew remaining undiagnosed for three years.
I took memoir writing classes and joined several writing groups, working on my manuscript on and off for about six years. Then, for myriad reasons, I stopped writing. In 2016, on medical leave from my Wellness Director position, I picked up my manuscript and began again, this time in a whole new world of blogging, online classes, Facebook groups, virtual critique groups, and of revisions and edits. (I still don’t know the difference.)
Finally, with a flourish of my wrists, I typed “The End.”
Pursuing the path to publication:
Agents, querying, companion essays, blogs, websites, editors. I felt like a dandelion seed blown into an infertile field where I had to fight to establish my roots. I sometimes worked 12 to16 hours a day on my manuscript, and I blew through 85 agent queries before finally landing an offer of publication from a university press. My memoir Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived was released in May 2023.
Marketing:
Me? Doing my own marketing? You must, the industry replied. So I created a sell sheet; pitched libraries, book stores, and podcasts; submitted my book for reviews and awards; bought a Square for credit card sales, and filed sales taxes. I even taught a class on book self-marketing. Yes, me.
The world of audio:
I recorded my audiobook in the first half of 2024 and and self-published it in June. I thought the learning curve for marketing was steep, but the technology involved in this audio production demanded the equivalent of crampons and an oxygen tank. Speaking of “cramp,” half of a tiny closet served as my home studio. I learned again, as I had in my motherhood journey and book writing journey, that I’m stronger than I thought.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your work?
Growth: A Mother, Her Son, and the Brain Tumor They Survived is available where print books, ebooks, and audiobooks are sold. I doubt I have another book in me, but I’ll continue to write about motherhood, people-pleasing, and personal growth. Essays are my jam–flash non-fiction of fewer than 500 words my sweetest spot. You can see a list of my publications, including the New York Times, HuffPost, Time.com, and Newsweek.com, on my website www.karendebonis.com
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.karendebonis.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karendeboniswriter/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/KDeBoniswriter
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/KarenDeBonis
Image Credits
All photos by author.