Today we’d like to introduce you to Tara Miller

Hi Tara, it’s an honor to have you on the platform. Thanks for taking the time to share your story with us – to start maybe you can share some of your backstory with our readers?

Brief introduction? I am long-winded, so let me do my best to summarize. Growing up, I started as the most confident little girl. I loved being the center of attention and was a natural-born leader. Then I met him. It was love at first sight (yeah, I was ten years old, but who cares? lol). From the first day I spotted his little freckled nose and crooked smile, he was everything.

Why is he essential to my story? Well, what would come to be is an on-and-off childhood of girlfriend and boyfriend, sneaking and kissing behind trailers in the local playground, talking on the phone for hours, breaking up, getting back together, then not seeing one another for two years. Suddenly, during freshman year, he came back into my life. He is no longer this little boy with freckles across his nose but a six-foot young man with the same crooked smile I loved when we were ten years old. We fell in love… HARD!! He was my first and only love until the day he wasn’t any longer. I gave all of myself, including that confident and outspoken girl. I was codependent to the core.

There is a lot more to the story, but let’s say that we loved one another completely, but we still had so much growing up to do. We stayed together throughout high school and after. At 20 years old, we had our son, the light of our lives. He was everything to us. Then, two days before my son’s first birthday, his father was murdered.

This is where my life fell apart. I was brought to my knees without direction because my life revolved around him for so long. Besides my son, he had been my everything for most of my life. I was lost.

How does this make me who I am today? It has everything to do with who I am and where I am today. Ultimately, I picked up all the pieces of my broken life, putting them back together one piece at a time, sometimes in shards, sometimes completely breaking and starting all over again, but I made it here.

Here I am, a 39-year-old woman (40 in a month), an entrepreneur, a mother of a 19-year-old young man, a Master’s Degree in Psychology with an emphasis in Applied Behavior Analysis, Board Certified Bad Ass…excuse me, I mean Board Certified Behaviors Analyst (wink, wink), and owner of a growing but thriving practice of my own. I have not only made it through, but I am thriving.

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?

I have faced many struggles along the way. There were times that I was struggling to make it through every second of the day. When he first died, I struggled to breathe, struggled to think, and struggled to know what to eat (I always let him choose what I would make for us). I struggled with living. It was hard to be a mother, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and even myself. I did not know who I was without him. That has been my greatest struggle throughout the years: finding me.

We all struggle with the concept of self and who we are as human beings. This is something that most of us can relate to, but I completely lost myself and attached my identity to being his. I completely lost who I was. This is something that I have been fighting through all of these years. I am content with who I am today. I am not defined by any person, place, or thing. I am separate from it all, yet apart at the same time.

Another struggle that I encountered was being a single mom. I have had partners throughout my life, but I struggled with allowing any of them to be a true counterpart in parenting. I was typically possessive of my son and never truly allowed anyone to share parenthood with me. I recognized this, and thankfully, my husband stood by me and understood. However, I could write about those struggles for days. How much time do I have? lol

Last, my greatest struggle was grief; grief and the anxiety, doubt, and interference that it causes in every aspect of life. I have struggled with losing my son’s father, obviously, but I have grieved different parts of that life throughout the years. Most recently, I grieved not having the experience of sharing a child with someone. Those days are over for me now, at 40 years old, and it hit home that I will never have that unit, mother, father, and child. This is something divorced persons experience as well, I am sure, but something that I never expected to grieve 18 years after his death.

Everyone struggles, but what we do with those struggles makes all the difference. This has allowed me to face the struggles of being a new business owner with confidence, faith, resilience, and determination.

Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?

I currently own an Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) practice where I treat mainly persons diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I provide services at home and in a center. I am proud of my practice because we do ABA differently than most people. We provide trauma-informed care and put the client’s comfort and happiness first. I am so proud of myself for making it this far. I genuinely believe that what I went through and the grit it took has allowed me the courage to leave a six-figure paying job and take a risk on myself and my dream of owning my own practice.

A book I wrote is one of my most significant accomplishments, although it is not a breadwinner. It is a pocket companion that is only 70 pages long, but in it, I tell my story of grief and how I got through it with the hopes of helping others get through their grief and anxiety. I genuinely believe that because I went through 18 years of grief and anxiety myself, I can help others who are struggling. I have recognized grief as the underlying cause of my anxiety and how it affects so many different things that we go through as human beings. I hope the tools I provide in the book allow others to feel less alone and give them hope.

These ventures are near and dear to me and make me the entrepreneur I am today. I am both a science practitioner and an author. I specialize in ABA, but my life specialty is my grit and resilience in the ups and downs of grief.

Are there any apps, books, podcasts, blogs or other resources you think our readers should check out?

Honestly, I use music as an outlet that gets me through. Currently, Taylor Swift’s “I Can Do it with a Broken Heart” and “Good Grief” by Mariell Kraft are on repeat.

There are ABA books, such as Behavior Analysis, Long Lasting Change that I could not have gotten through my schooling without.

I have read many different books on grief and anxiety throughout the years, but most are too technical or too much when your brain is already fried. That is why I made my book the way it is: an easy read with quotes throughout so you can have simple reminders. There was nothing that truly stood out for me.

Last, I keep people around me who are uplifting and badass women, such as Amanda Yoa and her podcast “Unzipped.” I think it is essential for all people, especially women, to be surrounded by people who uplift them and remind them of their capabilities.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://a.co/d/j5LYZ9z
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lotusaba/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lotusaba/
• Other: https://www.lotusabaservices.com