Today we’d like to introduce you to Patricia Guzman

Hi Patricia, so excited to have you on the platform. So before we get into questions about your work-life, maybe you can bring our readers up to speed on your story and how you got to where you are today?

My story
Patricia Guzmán

I write my story to share a friendly and complicit voice that may accompany and encourage to hold on and seek a true hearted path and fulfilled life.
At this moment, I am trying to make this experience we call life an art form, and a fascinating journey. This feeling is totally opposite when I was twenty years old: I felt helpless and vulnerable, with zero self-esteem and with no plan or certainty for the future, I had the feeling that I would be unable to survive in a reality perceived increasingly grotesque.
I think that Friedrich Nietzsche’s idea of ​​eternal return is a good reference to frame existence: if at the end of your days you had to repeat your life exactly as you lived it, without the possibility of making any changes, would you be want to live exactly as it was? Would you return to each decision, each smile, each pain, each beautiful and terrible situation? While much of what happens is beyond our control, there are roads and situations that depend on our decisions. Sometimes in life we find ourselves in situations where an exit or solution seems impossible, unable to change the circumstances or impossible to achieve goals and dreams. I can affirm now that nothing is written and that we have the power to construct, to decide and recognize, to know our weaknesses and strengths and to not betray ourselves. However, we are immersed in a great machinery that uses and disposes human beings for the enrichment and power of the one percenters. How to break this vicious circle if we are taught to adapt and follow this path by alienating ourselves from our true essence. Fear, insecurity, anxiety, anguish and loneliness can immobilize fiercely.

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I was born in Mexico City on October 23, 1983, in a middle-class family and in a country full of contradictions, joy, pain, sadness, color and magic — Salvador Dalí once mentioned that he would not return to Mexico because he couldn’t bear to be in a place more surreal than his paintings. My father is a painter, sculptor and modeler, and my mother was a secretary when she was young. Both had hard childhoods and very difficult beginnings in life. They teamed up and gave to my sister and me as much as they could with total dedication and love. I come from a lineage with an artistic bent: in addition to my father, my grandfather, great-grandfather and great-great-grandfather —as far as I know— were dedicated or were deeply influenced by art. Money was scarce, but that was not a problem because my childhood was filled with wonder, care and love. I remember looking at my little dog Boni and feeling amazed and even dizzy, trying to understand how she was alive. If I looked at the stars at night, I wondered, “If Earth is in the solar system, the solar system in the galaxy, and the galaxy in the universe, then where is the universe?” I observed myself, my body, compared my arms and my legs with those of my sister, and tried to decipher how my body was mine and not hers. This feeling is way better described by Peter Handke’s poem recited at the beginning the movie Wings of Desire by Wim Wenders:
-“When the child was a child,
It was the time for these questions:
Why am I me, and why not you?
Why am I here, and why not there?
When did time begin, and where does space end?
Is life under the sun not just a dream?
Is what I see and hear and smell
not just an illusion of a world before the world?
Given the facts of evil and people
does evil really exist?
How can it be that I, who I am,
didn’t exist before I came to be,
and that, someday, I, who I am,
will no longer be who I am?”
It became apparent that I had a natural inclination towards drawing from a young age. I worked hard and put in all my effort so that each stroke was fantastic. I was so surprised that something that resembled reality could come out of the paper, like a magic trick. Of course, this was a reflection of what I saw and learned at home, since my father painted many commissioned portraits, especially horses, and in my childhood imagination I could see these majestic animals move, breathe and look at me every time I passed in front of the paintings. Sometimes at recess I would draw my classmates, like a game, they posed for me for some minutes and paid what represented a fortune: one peso, two or fifty cents. As I remember the portraits looked somewhat to my friends, however I told them they would look like the drawings when they grew up, I wasn’t being tricky, I truly believed that and we were always happy at the end buying my sweets and candies.
As I left childhood behind, my view of reality shifted from fascination to absurdity. It was as if a hand suddenly pulled the curtain away that kept a happy and stable world from the nonsense of existence. The family nucleus started to collapse, and the structure in which we are born, that alienates and chains, became evident. Many young people can see this nonsense clearly, so they rebel. I began to understand that as we grow and become adults, we have to decide how to face this system: either adaptation or rejection. Books have been a fundamental part of my journey, I took refuge in Hermann Hesse and in the world of indigenous wisdom described by Carlos Castaneda. They kept the candle of amazement lit, suggested ways, raised questions; they became accomplices of my feelings as life teachers.
I wanted to go to university but it wasn’t an option, since there were no economic or family conditions to do so. I spent about two years working with my father, who at first taught me how to draw with colored pencils as I immersed myself deeper and deeper on my inside. This made me perceive everything that was happening as an uncertain, unfathomable abyss. Seeing my friends going to university, traveling, happy, with their lives waiting for them ahead, anxiety took over me because I did not know what would happen with me or what would become of my life.
The economic pressure was terrible and life as I knew was falling apart. Faced with anguish and absolute uncertainty, drawing and reading were my hiding places, I locked myself down to such an extent that one day I was surprised when I heard my own voice, it was as if I had paid attention to it for the first time due to the long periods I spent in silence. I really think I was in a severe depression however couldn’t afford a psychologist; the only reality that mattered was the fiction in my books. I experienced deep loneliness and lived with the constant feeling that the floor would collapse. I felt myself surviving day by day drawing or painting and with a book always near.
In those times the internet already existed, however not as we know it. I would go to the Central Library of the National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM) and spend hours going over the three watercolor books found there. I took my watercolors and painted while the students were reading and doing their thing. Magazines arriving from the United States were the most precious and valuable thing in libraries; I had no money to buy them, but I spent the day reading them right there. They were my window to the art world, and I kept marveling and learning from the works and the interviews of the artists.
I followed the footsteps of my father and began to paint horse portrait commissions, dogs, and later of people. Horses are great magnificent creatures, being around them is a wonderful privilege. I really wanted to learn how to ride, so I asked an owner of a ranch if she could teach me in exchange for painting her horse portraits. To my amazement she said yes, and this was key because I realized that I had a tool in my hands –literally– that I could use in life. I slowly made the transition to watercolor to paint these portraits. The two years of practice with colored pencils gave me a very good base to translate the pencil method into watercolor –because white is the white of the paper and the sum of the colors gives the final result–.
As I already mentioned, my internal situation lacked self-worth and self-affirmation. I was a very complete and confident girl; however, I became a young woman who felt alienated, insecure and weak. I am sure that if I had had some kind of psychotherapeutic support, or if I had had a guiding and supporting hand, a lot of pain could have been saved. I don’t know if destiny exists, or if things really have to happen for some reason, but I know that I had to learn the hard way and that things can go from bad to worse. I comment on this because sometimes it would seem that I suddenly became a successful painter. The truth is that during that time —from seventeen to twenty-five years old— my only goal was to survive, I did not dream of being a great painter or anything, I even applied to become a flight attendant; of course, I wasn’t accepted. Reading about artists and their creations amazed me and made me imagine that I could be one of them; however, it was like daydreaming an absolute fantasy. And while I was in survival mode, I started a relationship that seemed to be perfect, an oasis in the middle of the desert, a bond that would nurture and support, I put everything into it.
My perfect love story ended up being a terribly toxic and destructive relationship: sexism, control, jealousy and manipulation were the constant. I stayed because I truly felt that I would not survive outside, I just couldn’t understand what was happening. When I finally had the courage to leave, it was as if I was released from prison.
We lived the last two years of the relationship in Vancouver, Canada, I truly believed that a new environment could be the solution. I believed Canada was the country that would give us a new chance in life, I thought it was the place where dreams could come true. I painted horse portraits in my spare time while trying to find ways to stay there permanently, however I felt a continuous crashing into a great wall. Disconnected from friends and family, I ended up feeling completely lost, not knowing who I was anymore or what I wanted. However, living in Vancouver showed me a different image of the female figure: I began to perceive ourselves as free and autonomous beings, seeing these Canadian women so determined and confident, feeling free to decide motherhood or not, made me feel for the first time that I wasn’t crazy, that there was nothing wrong with me for not wanting to be a mother, that that wasn’t the absolute purpose of a woman’s life, as in sexist environments make us believe.
Oppression is lived in many and varied ways, when discussing these issues with close female friends I realize that this happens very frequently. Society conditions us to silence our internal voice, that we must please and be “good” for the outside knows more than we do and that we must have a husband and children to fulfill our purpose in life. Now I’m not saying having a husband or children is wrong, I just want to stress the fact that we must be able to decide the kind of life we truly want, it can be either creating a family, traveling, being an activist, creating, etc. There are no absolute truths. Males experience oppression in other ways, like having to appear all the time strong and capable, as if showing feelings or crying make them weak. Feminisms have been questioning these positions and breaking patterns for decades; there is so much to be done, however the situation is changing little by little.
Another precept that has been imposed on us is the supposed rivalry that exists between women, which is far from true. If you are female and feel like you can’t have any female friends, then please review how those patriarchal imperatives influence your vision and question every preconceived idea and thought. I have had the friendship, support and guidance of women and men, and I firmly believe that it is in our hands to change things. We can create utopia every day, with every decision we make. We cannot change the world, but we can change a world.
Back in Mexico, and out of that relationship, I tried to put myself back together, I felt like a broken and foreign entity. I was grateful for my sister’s invitation to spend three months with her in Dubai, where she lived and worked. Thus, began a period of introspection, recognition and reconciliation with me. I felt as if I had been reborn, and started to ask myself: how do I want to live? Do I want to continue painting? If so, what would I paint? I was fed up with commissioned paintings, but without a college or high school degree — the certificate was still in school for tuition fees’ debt — the options for finding work were greatly reduced. I mentioned earlier that Carlos Castaneda’s books were a cornerstone of my life. A concept that I learned from those books is the figure of death as the Grand Master: the only certainty we have is that we are beings who will die; however, we go through life as if we were immortal. In decisive moments, death becomes the great teacher when posing the questions: What would I do if my life ended in a year? In two years? In five years? In ten or twenty years? How would I want to live the time I have left?
The three months of Dubai ended in February 2010, and I returned to Mexico via New York. Before leaving I contacted David Kassan on Facebook, a painter that I admire not only for his mastery but for his humanity. I wrote to ask him for advice on how to train as a painter without having money to pay for art education programs that interested me. What I was really looking for was validation, a voice that said: “–Yes, go ahead and paint, you have so much to give, everything will be fine”. Kassan was very empathetic and generous, a big wide-open window opened where I could see for the first time the real power of painting. My vision of art, art market and specifically figurative painting changed completely. The month I spent in New York eliminated all preconceived ideas: seeing the quality of the artworks, the craftsmanship, themes, vulnerability and self-expression that painters allow themselves, prices, camaraderie and complicity between artist friends gave me an incredibly rich panorama of possibilities. In addition, being in the presence of the great masterpieces of the past at the museums and galleries of that cosmopolitan city had a great influence on me. I realized that painting transcends cultures, languages, space and time. This made me wonder, what am I going to say with this language? Kassan’s friendship changed my world, and every time I have the possibility, I offer my arm with complete affection to whoever asks or needs it because I know the full scope of what this can mean.
After that trip, I returned to Mexico City with renewed strength, with a new spirit of dedication and commitment to painting. I decided that I would reduce commissions to a minimum and, following the example of these painters, I began to research what I truly wanted to say with this language. What possibilities did I want to explore? This inevitably led me to the question: who am I? Thus, an introspection path began of internal dialogue that I embrace with renewed strength, love and dedication as time passes. One of my best friends offered me to live with her so that I could work on my first solo exhibition. It was a very beautiful period of reuniting with myself, of remaking myself and focusing on the person and painter I wanted to be. Those were months of hard work and isolation, of searching ways to survive. I had high expectations for this first exhibition and I was very proud of the work accomplished; however, I did not sell anything. I applied for a government grant to support emerging artists; I didn’t get it either. Although I was following the path I had chosen with my heart, things weren’t happening, and with no money I felt that the water was reaching my nose again.
How do people find what they want? How does everyone else achieve their goals, except me? Those were my thoughts back then. The truth is that there is no clear route to follow. The only thing I know is that we must be very clear about our chosen path and walk in that direction, even if it doesn’t seem to work. The thing is to hold on with full passion and commitment and to keep walking and somehow things will start to happen.
At that time, I started a relationship with my current partner and found unconditional love and support. We have many things in common, one of them is our shared passion for the indigenous world and cultural diversity. He invited me on a trip to the Sierra Tarahumara, in the Sierra Madre Occidental, in northern Mexico, to take photos at a Rarámuri celebration. The series Roots, indigenous portraits started from this trip. Through these images I seek to show people of different ethnicities from a horizontal perspective and as a symbol of resistance in a globalized world. Another intention is to show indigenous women with a dignified perspective, since historically in my country being a woman, indigenous, poor, with dark skin is synonymous of discrimination, exclusion, annulment and even extinction, because in practice and in discourses these women become the focal point of misogyny, classism and racism. We have taken so many photos on different trips in Mexico and Latin America that have served me as a reference for the paintings of that series.
I cannot express enough the importance of being with the right company to get the best out of yourself and to achieve the life you want. There is an African saying that goes: “If you want to arrive fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go accompanied”. Over time I started teaching, and I am still surprised by the large number of people who put aside their dream of painting due to family suggestions or demands, or from close people that told them to stop painting and do something else “for their sake”. We only have one opportunity in this life to live how we really want, so hold on to your dreams and follow your inner voice with absolute fidelity because we need to see your creations, we need to hear your voice, we need your perspective of life. Please hold on and stay away from people that limit, define, or intoxicate you. By being yourself toxic people will be left behind and the people that nurture will arrive.
Now I can only thank the happiness and fortune for the life I have now. The same search in painting has brought me back to school to study the fundamental questions in philosophy, which, I am sure, will nurture my future work. I have continued with the Roots series –which will probably continue for the rest of my days– but I have also explored other themes and concepts and will continue doing that too. I have given myself one of the best gifts: a process in Gestalt psychotherapy that has led me to understand and re signify my past experiences. This has been vital, it is of tremendous importance to have professional support that can show perspectives that one would never see. I am convinced that our societies would be very different for the better if we all did this type of personal work, to really question who we are and to take away things that don’t belong to us.
So far, I have more than 30 national and international awards and recognitions, more than 140 exhibits and more than 80 worldwide publications in digital media, magazines and catalogs. I have been invited to China five times, where the best watercolor shows occur. The truth is that I feel I am just at the beginning, there is so much to keep investigating and commenting on through my paintings. My curiosity drives me more and more to fully explore oil painting; the refinement of my technique and thought is a continuous search in my life. Again, I don’t want to give the impression that all of this happened out of the blue. The first years I applied to each call that came out, contest, and exhibition, I know rejection in its entirety, which happens much more at the beginning. I tried to improve on following my internal voice and technique: little by little better results were coming. It is key to not put our value as persons or painters in the results of these events, either bad or good results, for the real compass lies inside of us. Now I am much more selective, and invitations knock at my door. The work with my insecurities and fears will probably last for the rest of my life, the search for my fullness and self-affirmation, from acceptance and self-love, is a path that I fully embrace with a feeling of gratitude, amazement and joy.
I want to end up by saying that you are a wonderful being and that we need to see, hear and read your creations. We need to create myths that provoke a new social consensus, for art is an active, libertarian and fundamental medium to build a different humanity where diversity, plurality and social justice become central. Thank you for reading my story, and I wish you a happy and joyous life, full of satisfaction and peace.

Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?

They were described in the earlier text

As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?

I have been painting indigenous portraits for the last 13 years, painting them is for me an act of resistance, a gesture of empowerment, visibility and memory for the native peoples, of their wisdom, of their alternative ways of understanding reality, of perceiving and creating life. The paintings are an act aimed at dismantling the classism and racism that still prevails, the result of centuries of oppression and injustice. They are an attempt to sensitize the viewer through faces that lead us to recognize and identify ourselves as the human beings that we are, who not only share the world but our own feelings. They are faces that need to occupy space to be made visible, with all the dignity and humanity that has historically been denied to them as there are no first or second class human beings, WE ARE ALL THE SAME!!

My intention is to show people and faces that have been very little visible or represented in figurative painting, or that have been shown from a documentary or decorative perspective. The representation of the face and body is never neutral since the conventions, convictions and dynamics of society are shown through the way we decide to represent ourselves. My intention is to show the indigenous roots from a humanistic, horizontal and even confrontational perspective. And through their faces and looks they express feelings and emotions known to everyone. In this way, the conditions of possibility exist to build a bridge full of empathy and vulnerability towards the viewer: –“I am like you, although physically we are very different.”

This is a project carried out with my partner Raúl Barajas, photographer. It arose with trips to Peru, Bolivia and China. However, since 2010 we have worked with the Roots Series. To paint, I rely on the reference photos we both take on our journeys. We contact the leaders of the communities, schools, or institutions, we present our project and ask permission to take photographs. Our intention is to create a photographic and pictorial collection of the native peoples of Mexico, Latin America and the world.

Do you have any advice for those just starting out?

We are beings that are going to die and what better way of life is to do what one feels really passionate about. It would be amazing if people fully believed in themselves, that the call to create is invaluable, and that we need to see what only they can show us. In this path, there are no guarantees of success of any kind, other than the certainty of knowing that one does not betray oneself and that we will not take more than our experiences to the grave. I want people to take the risk to create, to throw themselves and fly, to believe fervently in themselves, to know they possess such an incredible language that can touch souls despite borders, language and even time.
Stay true to yourself, follow your own truth and intuition, avoid negative and toxic people.

Pricing:

• Interest persons can contact me by email to [email protected] and I’ll send my available artwork info

Contact Info:

• Website: https://patriciaguzman.org
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patriciaguzman
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/studiopatriciaguzman/

Image Credits

Photos of me painting are by Raul Barajas