Today we’d like to introduce you to Daddy Doyenne

Hi Daddy, we’d love for you to start by introducing yourself.

Last time I spoke to you, I told the story of how I was introduced to the BDSM lifestyle at `17, was a submissive first, then realized I prefer Dominance. My first Dom was my boss at the tattoo shop where I apprenticed and 37 years my senior. My fellow submissives and other partners in my first polycule were respectively 16 and 5 years older as well. From age 18 on, I dreamt of being a professional Dominatrix. I began to work in the adult entertainment industry in 2019, but finally took the leap to monetize my Dominance after my grandmother’s passing in 2020. Not only did all my other sources of income get put on pause during the pandemic, but I founded my business, The Kinky Kafe in 2021.

The Kinky Kafe began as a BDSM themed pop up restaurant, pivoted into a catering and event business, and has reached its final form as a BDSM social club, event, and event planning business. We offer membership through our Patreon, which also supports the Kinky Kafe, allowing us to offer more, in person and online.

The Kinky Kafe is also a resource for other queer and kink related businesses, support and education. We promote other businesses, performers, educators and more that align with us. We throw our own events, offer classes, workshops and more, and plan your kinky events after consultation.

I added Kinky Kafe Studio to the LLC in late 2022. Kinky Kafe Studio is an adult film studio, as well as the performing/erotic arts branch of the Kinky Kafe. We have a roster of queer and kinky performance artists for events, whether ours or other’s. We are working toward building a small group of core performers for adult content as well.

Through our Patreon, we also offer Themdom Academy; a learn-at-your-own-pace online learning source for non-binary and gender expansive Dominants, whether they plan to monetize or just want to safely navigate the lifestyle. There is also the option of signing up to the “Daddy’s Table” tier of our Patreon, which is a tier meant for submissive people who may be seeking a little extra guidance, motivation and inspiration from a caring Dominant who cares for your spiritual and mental health.

You can tune in to Exploring O/our Depths on (Spotify and Apple music – or YouTube @kinkykafellc) our podcast, dedicated to the mental and spiritual health and hygiene of the kink inclined. I firmly believe in the importance of a strong spiritual and mental hygiene practice when in the BDSM lifestyle, because we not only play with and explore our pleasure, we play with our shadows and the shadows of others as well. You can find meditations, affirmations, and stories told through interview of how we each explore our depths within this community.

Most recently, I have founded the International Queer and BIPOC Sex Worker Collective (IQBSWC). The IQBSWC’s goal is to create support networks for queer sex workers of color, from resource information such as housing information and law assistance to events that promote the enrichment of queer and BIPOC sex workers around the world. Once the IQBSWC is more established and we have a website set up, the plan is to offer others the opportunity to create their own chapter of the collective in their own area, and be able to offer some emergency services such as emergency micro-grants and care packages.

As for me personally, every day is an experience of blessing and balance. Balance in my life as a single mother and a sex worker. Balance between being a findom or financial Dominatrix and adult model (financial subs often don’t like nudity from their Dominants). Balance between Femdom and Themdom; It often feels like a massive struggle to make money being your authentic self as a non-binary Dominant when it’s one thousand times easier to call yourself a woman and use female pronouns to make money. Balance between being friend, child, and community Daddy and Daddy Doyenne, The Demonatrix.

My blessings come to me in the form of abundance. Abundance in love, meaningful friendships, relationships, and experiences, as well as useful and meaningful connections. Sometimes the money is hard to come by, but I am never lacking in resources, support and the aforementioned blessings. For that, I am forever and deeply grateful. My spiritual journey has been just as fruitful as my life journey so far.

Alright, so let’s dig a little deeper into the story – has it been an easy path overall and if not, what were the challenges you’ve had to overcome?

It has most definitely NOT been a smooth road lol.

When I began working as a professional Dominant, it was during the pandemic. Not only did I have to navigate through droves of “submissives” who wanted to take advantage of me, as they tend to do with new Dommes on the scene, but I felt I had to lean further into femininity in order to make it. Femdom is the money maker in the industry when it comes to pro-Dom work. On top of this, I was in a relationship at the time that did not make me feel safe to come out as non-binary or trans-masc, and working for a porn production business that was all girl on girl, in which we were encouraged to cater only to the male gaze.

By coming out as non-binary trans-masc, I essentially opened myself up to another layer of scrutiny for others to navigate through. Suddenly the men who want to spend money on me have to question how secure in their masculinity they may or may not be, and whether or not their attraction to me makes them queer, and are they okay with that or not. Suddenly submissives are being told they can’t call me Goddess or Mistress. It’s strictly Goddexx, or Mistrexx, because I’m not a woman, but if it makes you feel better, here’s an honorific that’s close enough. It’s much easier to just be cisgender for pay. That’s the honest truth at the end of the day, but I have never been someone to accept “the norm.”

I founded the Kinky Kafe just a year after going professional, when the pandemic was still playing tag with us all and it took over my every day. My every dime and some of others’ has been invested in the business, in every event, every class, workshop and collaboration, and sometimes the return is nowhere near the investment, which is normal for new businesses, and that’s when they don’t have a world-wide pandemic, major economic fluctuations, and an all out crusade against sex work and anything related to it to deal with.

Through every pitfall, disappointment, or wall I’ve hit, I continue to push through because I know that the community and connections I am building are worth it. What everyone needs right now, no matter what’s happening is community. Many people may not realize it right this moment, but they will.

The world is on fire, and the only thing that will protect us is ourselves. Through the Kinky Kafe’s events, workshops and classes, as well as the connections we make and share, and the resources we share, we are creating networks of like-minded individuals and taking care of everyone’s wellbeing as a whole.

The Kinky Kafe’s podcast, Exploring O/our Depths is named after our workshop, Exploring O/our Depths; an in-person, guided meditation and somatic kink workshop. This, too is an act of care for my community, because again, my biggest goal is to create healthy, thriving and close-knit community.

I’ve come up against discrimination due to my race, my gender identity, calling myself a sex worker, stigma and assumptions around my role as a Daddy Dom, judgement of me as a porn actor because I’m a findom and finsubs don’t like nudity, discrimination against me because I am in porn, from civilians and radical feminists alike. I’ve dealt with respectability politics trying to push me into a box in order to align with mainstream sensibilities, as well as a gang of white women who have interpreted my assertiveness and unwillingness to allow others to cross my boundaries or paint me as something I am not, as aggression.

I continue to push forward, because my community is worth it.

Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?

I am a professional Dominatrix, findom (financial Dominant), and Daddy Dom, (or FemDaddy,) adult content creator, producer and editor, burlesque artist, kink educator, classically trained Chef, spiritualist and conjuror, visual artist, and all around creative.

I am known for my promotion of Themdom, or non-binary/gender non-specific Domination. My specialty is sensual sadism. I am a heavy sadist but also a great nurturer and what is known as a pleasure Dom. I can also often be found seducing audiences from stages across New York and around the country under “The Demonatrix Burlesque.” You can find some of my performances on YouTube.

I am most proud of my growth and the ability to look and see that I do make a difference, no matter how small I once thought it was. I encourage others in the sex work industry to keep being their authentic selves, despite the obstacles that arise, and despite what society tries to tell us we shouldn’t be. The world of kink and BDSM is inherently taboo, it’s inherently queer, it’s inherently “othered” so why should we actually care what mainstream society has to say?

I would like to look back at my life and say that I was amongst those in history who refused to be told they could not live a happy and authentic life because of societal constraints, and made a difference for our community as a whole, in all its intersections.

What sets me apart from others is what has always made me unique. Being me.
I am a West Indian kid who moved to the US from Antigua when I was just 10 years old. I was always the black sheep; A kid with art pouring out of every pore and orifice, with a taste for the dark and macabre, and a connection to the spirit world that could never be ignored. Even now, in everything I do, whether it’s creating adult content, or creating events with the Kinky Kafe, it is drenched in artistry and spirituality. We don’t do things just for the sake of lust and hedonism. Everything is art and ritual to me.

If you are booking a session with me, I am observing your every move, tapping into your spirit and really learning what makes you tick. You become the subject of my artistry. My medium. I believe that sometimes that ability scares others a bit, and they want to withdraw from me, but they often find themselves right back in my presence. I’m not for the weak, or those who do not desire better for themselves. If you’re not ready to grow, that is your divine right, but I am most likely not for you.

My moniker is The Demonatrix because I live and thrive in my duality. I am a devotee of Lilith, who, as a dark Goddess is the embodiment of duality and equality. There is no light without the existence of the darkness. There is no masculine without the feminine. There is no yin without yang. No above without a below.

My duality is what makes me stand out. My energy is what makes me stand out. Everyone around me feels it.

Everything I lead and do radiates that energy and I teach others how to embrace their duality and bring out the best in themselves as well.

The crisis has affected us all in different ways. How has it affected you and any important lessons or epiphanies you can share with us?

The biggest lesson I’ve learned through the Covid 19 pandemic is that circumstances can change at any time, unexpectedly. I’ve had to pivot like an NBA baller multiple times in order to allow my business and myself to survive, and although things have progressed much slower than I would like, this experience has also taught me the extent of my own resilience.

Pricing:

• Kinky Kafe Membership : $5 per month
• Themdom Academy: $20 per month
• Daddy’s Hourly rate: $300 -$600
• Supporting the EOD podcast/the Kinky Kafe youtube, Instagram and Facebook: FREE
• Consultation with Kinky Kafe for event planning: $60

Contact Info:

• Website: https://kinkykafellc.com
• Instagram: instagram.com/kinkykafellc, instagram.com/the.demonatrix
• Facebook: https://facebook.com/TheKinkyKafeLLC
• Twitter: https://x.com/Daddy_Doyenne
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@kinkykafellc
• Other: https://patreon.com/kinkykafesociety

Image Credits

The personal photo of myself in the top hat features my submissive Vickie, and the photographer is Alex Crispin ( @achrispflicks on IG)

Everything else was designed shot and/or edited by me. Makeup and styling by me as well.