We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Xinyi Xan a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

XinYi, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today What’s been the most meaningful project you’ve worked on?

Don’t Be Strangers began as a podcast with a simple goal: to share the stories of everyday people. It was an open platform where anyone could apply to have a genuine conversation, not just an interview. As I spoke to these incredible individuals, I couldn’t shake the feeling that listeners were missing out on the chance to truly connect with the guests beyond the podcast episodes. This frustration sparked the idea for a pen pals club—an opportunity for past guests to engage more deeply with the audience. Having grown up with pen pals myself, I loved the idea of fostering connections at a slower, more meaningful pace. It felt like the right next step in building a community that prioritized depth over immediacy.

The pen pals club thrived, and soon members expressed a desire to meet each other virtually through video calls. This took me by surprise, as I struggled with intense stage fright, which even made leading online meetings daunting. Yet, the core mission of Don’t Be Strangers had always been about creating deeper human connections, so I took a leap and hosted a small virtual gathering. I remember feeling so overwhelmed afterward that I had to lie down for hours, completely drained by the experience. But it was a pivotal moment—one that stirred new ideas and ignited a deeper sense of purpose for the project.

This turned into in-person events in Dallas, which marked a significant turning point for Don’t Be Strangers. I was hesitant at first, given my stage fright, but the enthusiasm and warmth from the community were undeniable. Seeing people connect face-to-face, sharing stories, laughter, and meaningful conversations, was both heartwarming and affirming. As the events grew in popularity, volunteers from the community stepped up to help expand these pockets of connection beyond Dallas. We created an active online space through Discord, fostering an even wider network of support and friendship. Soon, similar gatherings emerged in Austin and Waco, each with its own unique flavor but unified by the same mission of building authentic relationships.

With the expanding reach of Don’t Be Strangers, the mission evolved to focus on combating adult loneliness. I realized that while hosting events helped, a more comprehensive approach was needed to address the struggle of initiating and maintaining meaningful conversations. This led to the publication of my first book, How to Talk to Anyone for Introverts, in 2023. The book was a practical guide, filled with strategies and anecdotes to help people, particularly introverts, build confidence in their social skills and foster more genuine connections. It was well-received within the community and beyond, providing a valuable resource for those eager to improve their communication and deepen their relationships.

More recently, we hosted our first retreat for a small group of women, focusing on unplugging from everyday distractions and finding clarity in their lives. The retreat was a culmination of everything Don’t Be Strangers stands for: creating safe, intentional spaces for meaningful interactions. It offered the participants a chance to disconnect from their routines and immerse themselves in a supportive environment that encouraged reflection, self-discovery, and genuine connection with others.

Ultimately, the podcast remains the most meaningful project I’ve worked on because it was the catalyst for all these initiatives. It taught me that the desire for connection is universal, and it inspired me to create diverse pathways for people to find each other. What started as simple conversations with strangers has blossomed into a thriving community dedicated to making adult life a little less lonely and a lot more meaningful.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

I was born in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and moved with my family to Dallas, Texas, when I was seven years old. The transition was tough! Not only was English not my first language, but I also skipped almost an entire school year due to the move. Adjusting to 2nd grade in a completely new place while trying to make friends was a challenge. Even as I became more fluent in English, I never quite felt at home—anywhere.

Culturally, I existed in a strange in-between. I wasn’t fully American, but whenever my family visited Malaysia, it was clear I didn’t entirely belong there either. I felt a constant sense of otherness, unable to anchor myself to one identity. My creative pursuits mirrored this uncertainty. I could never commit to a single medium, not out of indecision (well, maybe a bit), but because I found joy in the process of experimenting, mixing, and layering different art forms! Before I embraced the term “creative chimera,” I often felt lost, unable to define my art and, by extension, myself.

My experience as an aromantic added another layer to this sense of alienation. I couldn’t relate to the majority of stories portrayed in pop culture, which almost always centered on romantic love. It was hard not to feel like I was missing some essential part of the human experience. If romantic love wasn’t for me, I reasoned, then perhaps I wasn’t quite human. Yet, this gap made me crave platonic love even more—deep, meaningful friendships where connection was built on genuine listening and trust!

With each friend who accepted me as I was, who listened wholeheartedly and shared their own stories vulnerably, I began to feel less like an alien and more like I belonged on Earth. I felt a growing sense of home, not tied to a place or a culture, but to the people who made me feel seen and heard.

I started to believe that I wasn’t as lost as I once thought. I began to feel like I belonged! Thank you, truly, for existing!

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

I grew up at the intersection of American hustle culture and Asian perfectionism. On one side, there was the relentless drive to succeed—“rise and grind” was more than just a saying; it was a lifestyle. On the other, there was a deep-rooted belief that any success was meaningless unless it was flawless. Together, these two worlds instilled in me a powerful addiction to productivity. I always had to be moving, achieving, or working toward something, anything, as long as I could check it off a list. For years, this mindset drove me forward. But it also led to chronic stress, burnout, and an inability to simply be without feeling guilty for not doing enough.

The more I chased the next goal, the more voices I heard about how I should be living my life. Everyone seemed to have an opinion: “You should quit your job and work for yourself full-time!” they said, as if taking the leap into entrepreneurship was the ultimate sign of freedom. At first, it sounded appealing. I thought maybe this was the path I was supposed to take—after all, that’s what successful people do, right? But the reality was different. Working for myself full-time wasn’t just exhausting; it was soul-sucking. The pressure of having to turn my passion into my primary source of income made it feel more like a burden than a joy. The creative work that once made me feel alive became a source of anxiety.

I had to unlearn the idea that turning my passion project, Don’t Be Strangers, into my sole livelihood was the only measure of its success. It took time, but I began to understand that I could pursue my passion without making it my entire life. Keeping a full-time job while working on Don’t Be Strangers on the side allowed me to fund my passion and give it room to breathe. It no longer had to bear the weight of paying the bills. Instead, it became what it was always meant to be—an ever-evolving playground for connection and creativity, free from the constraints of financial survival.

This balance has been liberating. I learned that it’s okay to let my passion project grow at its own pace. It’s okay if it doesn’t make a profit right away, or ever. The purpose is not just to succeed by traditional standards but to nurture something meaningful—both for me and for the community it serves. I’ve come to embrace a new kind of productivity, one that includes rest, joy, and the permission to simply be. And in doing so, I’ve found a more sustainable rhythm, one that feels true to who I am rather than what others think I should be.

Have any books or other resources had a big impact on you?

Several books have deeply influenced my approach to management and entrepreneurship, each in its own unique way. At the top of the list is The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Despite identifying as an introvert, I’ve often found myself over-committing to social engagements, believing that productivity includes networking and constant interaction. But this book has forced me to reconsider how I spend my time, nudging me to pull back from socializing and carve out more time for solitude. It’s been a challenge, but also a revelation—allowing me the space to truly play with my creativity, free from external demands.

Another influential read has been The Creative Act by Rick Rubin. It’s more than just a book; it’s a meditation on what it means to be creative. Instead of focusing on formulas for productivity or success, it encourages a more organic, reflective approach. It’s taught me that creativity isn’t about producing more; it’s about deepening my connection to the process itself. It’s a reminder to slow down and let inspiration come, rather than constantly chasing it.

In a more practical sense, Austin Kleon’s Steal Like an Artist has been invaluable. It’s packed with ideas on how to stay open to inspiration and embrace the act of remixing existing concepts to create something new. This book emphasizes that originality often starts by borrowing from the world around you—a perspective that’s relieved a lot of the pressure to always generate completely “new” ideas. It’s given me permission to actively seek out creative influences and adapt them into my own work.

Tim Ferriss’s The 4-Hour Workweek and his podcast have also played significant roles in shaping my entrepreneurial thinking. These resources opened my mind to alternative ways of living and working, pushing me to consider a life designed around meaning and purpose rather than a conventional 9-to-5. They’ve encouraged me to prioritize not just efficiency, but also intentionality—structuring my days to align with my deeper goals and values.

Finally, The Art of Travel by Alain de Botton has been a powerful guide in how I approach travel, and in turn, how I approach life. It suggests that the true value of travel isn’t found in checking off destinations, but in cultivating a child-like wonder for the world around you. One of the most striking ideas from this book is that learning to draw isn’t about making art; it’s about learning to see. This shift in perspective has taught me to approach experiences with more curiosity and openness, making me a more observant, thoughtful, and, ultimately, better leader.

Contact Info:

• Website: HTTPS://dontbestrangers.club
• Instagram: Dontbestrangers
• Other: How to Talk to Anyone for Introverts: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C269BXKN
  Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/27UpJFGpHevRHx5Ag3ZgtC
  Etsy: http://etsy.com/shop/dontbestrangers
  Eventbrite: https://rebrand.ly/dbs-cal