We were lucky to catch up with Xay Yang recently and have shared our conversation below.
Xay, appreciate you joining us today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?
Coming from a low-income refugee family, all I ever wanted was an office job. That was the furthest I could dream, especially for someone with my background. I grew up being surrounded by aunts and uncles who worked in companies that was hard labor and my parents gardened. I was the first one in my family of siblings to go to college. It was a big deal! In fact, a couple of days ago, I found an old journal entry that I wrote during that time about how hard it was to apply for college, the burden of debt and not wanting to make my parents worried about money, and last of all, fighting gender equity to be able to go to college as a daughter. Anyway, when I got to college, I got this work study job at the LGBTQ center, and it was an office job! I was so excited! I worked there for three years, and it changed my life. I got to travel on this LGBTQ Leadership Year trip with my supervisor at that time and about 10 other students. The defining moment for me was when I asked my supervisor what “marginalization” meant. She sat down, took a piece of notebook paper out and pointed at the margins. She explained to me that some communities live at these margins where there’s not a lot of resources for them and there are many issues impacting them all at once. They’re basically invisible – like LGBTQ+ folks. That day changed my life. That word gave a name to my lived experience, something I didn’t know how to talk about. That day I called my supervisor at my incoming summer camp job and told her I wasn’t going to be able to work for them that summer. I stayed and worked on LGBTQ+ issues. 15+ years later, I am still working on queer justice work. It led me to graduate school, to being a mental health therapist, queer justice program director and now an executive director. It’s wild how one moment can define the rest of your life. I will always remember that moment, the life-changing trip and the people that made it possible for me.
Xay, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
I am the Executive Director for a non-profit organization called Transforming Generations. Our mission is to end gender-based violence by organizing, educating and transforming cultural and power dynamics. I didn’t think in a million years I would ever be an executive director. I grew up in St. Paul, Minnesota with a bunch of brothers and one sister. I think the neighbors thought we were the naughty kids. I always felt like we were different. Our family was huge. We had all deaf/hard of hearing aunties and uncles on my mom’s side and one uncle from my dad’s side. Growing up, my friends always asked me questions about my aunts and uncles. We were low-income. My dad loved the Buick station wagons, so I was the kid whose dad rode the bright apple red station wagon to pick me up after school. He didn’t have the new cars with automatic windows! We had to roll our own windows down and packed three people in the front. No AC. This was his prized possession though. He really took care of it. We lived in public housing and the beautiful thing was we were all connected, had such a fun time playing in the field and community playground and a Boys & Girls Club where we could get homework help. However, there was also a lot of violence – gang violence, crimes of poverty and domestic violence. I’d like to think that this was the starting point to how I really stayed in this work of ending gender-based violence. I didnt know it then but as I reflect on the trajectory of my career, it is very clear that where and how I grew up had everything to do with it. I came out at 17 years old and then went straight to college; then to grad school to be a social worker. My first job out of college was to work with Hmong men and addiction. It really opened my eyes to the issues in my community. How patriarchal practices and patriarchy contributed to addiction and the impact it had on their kids and wife. From there, I went on to work with victim/survivors of domestic abuse and child witnesses of violence, meanwhile trying to fight for queer justice during my non-work hours. Then in 2016, I went to a Global Hmong Women’s Summit in Thailand where Hmong women from all over gathered to talk about the issues impacting Hmong women worldwide. It opened my eyes to how much privilege I had as an American, which was such a different narrative being a Hmong person in the US. I came back and continued to work in the field of gender-based violence. In 2019 I joined Transforming Generations as the Queer Justice Director providing therapy for LGBTQ+ Hmong folks and then eventually transitioned into the Executive Director role. Its been quite a journey. As a survivor myself, I really believe in our mission. It is such hard work and it takes real commitment and having really deep love for your own communities in order to keep doing this work. The biggest thing that sets us a part from others is that we champion queer justice work, and we work with Hmong men who use abuse all within the context of the Hmong community. Its seen as such a taboo to do these two things in our field of work and in our cultural community. However, we believe they’re a part of the solution to ending gender-based violence in our community and we must include them in our approach.
I am proud of the work that the team at Transforming Generations has done. It’s amazing when we get to see the healing journey of our participants.
Do you have any insights you can share related to maintaining high team morale?
Own up to your mistakes and dont sit too long in the shame. That’ll eat you up. There’s a lot to learn as a brand new executive director. I made a lot of mistakes and there is still more to learn. As someone with parents who really pushed us to strive for the best, it’s easy for my mind to lean into being critical. So, lately I’ve been reminding myself “everyone brings value to the team and each of them have something to teach you about yourself.” In fact, through this affirmation and reminder, I’ve gotten to a place of leaning onto the strength of each of my team members and allowing them to shine in those places. For example, I have a team member who loves bringing people together through music and food. I know that’s the person to tap into for organizing our team lunches. Another team member is into healing and wellness. They help me think through what wellness tools to bring into the organization. Everyone has a special personal branding they bring. Lean into that. You dont have to do everything.
Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?
This feels like such a small thing, but I feel so proud about it. My mom passed away in 2020 and I was so heartbroken over it. I spent many years trying to pick myself up in the midst of the pandemic, the George Floyd Uprisings and of course, the transitions in my job position. One night I was sitting at my dinner table writing grants, brain fried, i decided to open up my social media account and saw that there was a comedy fellowship opportunity through the Funny Asian Women Kollective (FAWK). I jumped on it. I was tired of being the serious director and writing about all the injustices in this world all the time. I wanted to do some creative writing, make people laugh and talk about what was on my heart. So, I applied and I got accepted. Then a month later at a theater in Minneapolis I performed my comedy, and it was the best feeling ever. It was so healing to make some fun of the ridiculous pieces of my life and to make others laugh. I hope that I can keep doing it but public speaking for an introvert like me can be pretty scary!
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Image Credit: TJ Lor, Kohpa Vang