We were lucky to catch up with Wendy Olson recently and have shared our conversation below.

Wendy, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Day to day the world can seem like a tough place, but there’s also so much kindness in the world and we think talking about that kindness helps spread it and make the world a nicer, kinder place. Can you share a story of a time when someone did something really kind for you?

As human beings, we are all in need of several things for survival. But past survival, there is a deep-seated need to be seen, known, loved, and heard. The kindest thing someone has ever done for me was to give me that and so much more.

I was visiting a friend at her nonprofit in November 2018. I had worked in anti-trafficking before and was wanting to get back into the work after taking a two-year hiatus after a major burnout. She told me the best thing someone can do to have longevity in this kind of work was to know their story really well. This felt like a ridiculous statement to me. I knew my story. I knew it well. I’d lived it. And I was still living with the repercussions of it every day. I wanted to make a difference and to help people that had been dealt similar hands.

She gave me a book to read and sent me home. I read that book in 24 hours. The book was “To Be Told” by Dr. Dan Allender of The Allender Center in Seattle, Washington. It was then that I discovered my story was more than something to be talked about. It was something to be told.

That day changed my life. I started doing story work, diving deeper into my stories of past hurts and traumas, and finding the truth of myself and my story. I loved the work so much I decided to share it with others. Soon I was teaching classes at my church. From there I started my coaching business, and then a year later, I started my nonprofit, Grit Plus Gumption Farmstead, serving women survivors of sexual exploitation and domestic violence. It took me just over two years from that day my friend Emily at Jesus Said Love showed me kindness to get to where I truly wanted to be, but it was worth the work and the wait.

Now I get to walk with women through their stories of past hurts and traumas and guide them to freedom and healing. The kindest thing someone ever did for you? They showed me myself and gave me the light to find the path I needed to walk to follow my passion. And I’ll always be grateful.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers

I am a healing coach, founder, and president of Grit Plus Gumption Farmstead. I believe in the power of story to change and shape people’s lives. I walk with women through their stories of past hurts and traumas and guide them to find their own freedom and healing. Through Grit plus Gumption, we serve women survivors of sexual exploitation and domestic violence. Having applied all I teach to my own life as a survivor myself, I am able to guide women with kindness and grace, showing them there is always more freedom to be had in one’s life. I believe everyone has a story, and even if that story is really hard, it doesn’t mean the rest of the story has to be. I’ve worked with women from various backgrounds and experiences, big “T” traumas and little “t” traumas. The one thing we all have in common is we believe the lie that we are the only ones. One of my favorite things I do is host story groups and retreats. There is nothing more powerful than when a group of women come together, support and love on one another while encouraging and walking with each other through the deepest, darkest parts of our stories. It’s life-changing.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

A lesson that I had to unlearn, and one I am still unlearning is that I have to do everything perfectly and I can’t mess up.

I’ve been in therapy for the last two and a half years. I am 41 years old and it wasn’t until 2019 that I discovered I’d been surviving with PTSD most of my life. I am a survivor of two domestic violence relationships, two sexual assaults, and a slew of other childhood traumas stemming from narcissistic abuse and neglect.

I am also a recovering people pleaser and perfectionist. Basically, I’m a therapist’s dream!

The one thing I’ve discovered in my last two years of therapy and story work is that there was an impossible mantle placed on me to be the perfect child. I needed to do everything perfectly. I needed to do it better than my counterpart. And without perfection, I would not receive the praise. This was all unspoken of course, never a direct order, but as a hyper-vigilant child, you learn to be very attuned to all the people in the room. Some may say this is what makes an empath, and I do believe there is some merit to that.

The worst part about being a perfectionist is that you never really take any risks if you don’t think you can do it perfectly. So while your aim is always high, it’s just below where you’re actually aiming because to aim higher is risky, and risk could mean failure. So you live a mediocre, yet good existence. You aim lower than you know you could be capable of, and one day you realize your soul is dying because you’re not living out your full potential. You’re living a small existence. But your perfectionism has everyone convinced that you are living large. Why? Because you’ve worked so hard to achieve just enough to have more, but less than you know you deserve.

And that is a tough day. When you realize you could’ve done so much more but you let your fear fail and consume you. How much did you leave on the table that was wiped away with the crumbs? Could you have done more, achieved more if you’d just been willing to risk it all and fail miserably?

That’s a lesson I’m continuing to unlearn every day of my life. That failing is ok. Failing IS an option. And there is no great reward without some risk.

Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?

I remember the day I decided to completely change everything I was doing with my life. It was the Monday after a major school shooting in 2012. I was sitting on the floor next to my then two-month-old daughter, and I was in the middle of planning a baby shower with a good friend and business partner. We had decided to start a party planning business, something I’d done before when my son was 2 years old. I was good at it. I liked doing it. I was also a photographer so I became this double threat. And I’m planning out cupcakes and napkin colors and thinking to myself, ‘This doesn’t matter. This is not important.’ I knew then that I couldn’t argue about napkin color with someone ever again, and that my life was meant to do something important, something meaningful, something that would be long-lasting and enact change. Not that party planning was some small thing. I know plenty of party planners who do incredible work. But for me, it wasn’t where I needed to aim. It was too easy for me to stay right where I was.

It would be another two years before I’d find my calling, working in the realm of anti-trafficking and nonprofit world. And I’d still find myself arguing over napkin color for two more events, but the point is that I knew I needed more. I needed to aim higher. I needed to be scared and do it anyway. Everything has changed, most things for the better, but it hasn’t been easy, and it’s been uncomfortable and terrifying at times. I like to say I live my life in between being mostly excited and slightly terrified. That’s my sweet spot.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://shesgotgumption.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrswendyjolson/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/wendyjolsonhc
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mrswendyjolson/
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCTrzSF9NEtjviisN_hH0COg
• Other: Tik Tok: https://www.tiktok.com/@mrswendyjolson

Image Credits
Eric Clement Photography Instagram @scoop14