We were lucky to catch up with Wayne LeSane recently and have shared our conversation below.

Wayne, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. What’s the backstory behind how you came up with the idea for your business?

My wife Melissa and I have been together for 22 years and married for 18. From the very beginning of our relationship, we’ve practiced non-monogamy. Back in the early 2000s, resources were scarce—there was no Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, or even therapists or coaches openly discussing non-monogamous relationships. We had to figure things out on our own, navigating the highs and lows without a roadmap or support system.

Those challenges inspired Melissa to become a therapist, specifically to support individuals and couples exploring non-monogamy—so others wouldn’t have to face the same struggles alone. During the pandemic, she launched a 30-night virtual support group for couples and singles facing relationship challenges in isolation. I showed up with her every night, and the response was overwhelmingly positive. We kept the group going until the end of the lockdown.

During that time, people began asking if I was also licensed. My answer was always, “Nah, this is Melissa’s thing—I’m just here to support her.” But the truth was, I had already been contemplating a career change. I left my career in the entertainment industry, went back to school full-time, and became a certified sex, intimacy, and relationship coach.

Together, Melissa and I launched Shades of Non-Monogamy, a practice where we support individuals and couples in navigating non-monogamy with clarity, compassion, and intention. We’ve gone from searching for guidance ourselves to becoming the people others now turn to—and it’s been an incredibly rewarding journey.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

As I mentioned before, our mission has always been to support others in the way we wish we had been supported at the start of our journey. Today, we help clients by offering a non-judgmental, affirming space, rooted in over 20 years of lived experience in non-monogamy.

We support individuals and couples in clarifying both personal and shared goals, improving communication, navigating jealousy and insecurities, understanding consent and agreements, examining power dynamics, and building cultural and intersectional awareness. Our approach is trauma-informed and designed to foster ongoing growth and connection.

We love working with people—whether together as a team or individually—and while our foundation is in non-monogamous relationships, the tools we use translate powerfully into monogamous dynamics as well. We’ve found that the principles we’ve developed through non-monogamy often help monogamous couples deepen their understanding and improve how they relate to one another.

We’re proud of the growth and impact we’ve made. Together, we’ve supported many couples in building the relationships they truly want. Personally, I’ve had the honor of speaking on panels, podcasts, and at conferences, as well as co-creating our own podcast. I’ve helped facilitate several retreats and also lead a supportive group space specifically for men. We continue to run our couples support group, and remain deeply committed to this work.

Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?

At one point in my career in the entertainment industry, I hit a serious low. I had poured myself into projects that came close to major deals only to watch them fall apart at the last moment. Just before the lockdown, we were on the verge of closing a big opportunity, and when that fell through, I felt completely lost and unsure of what would come next.

Working alongside Melissa during that time was a turning point. Supporting others through our shared work reignited something in me. I felt genuinely excited again and realized I had found a new purpose. The passion I now have for working with people whether they’re in relationships or navigating life solo had been building inside me for years. I just needed time to catch up with it.

My comeback from that low point was a complete 180. Today, I truly love what I do. People often tell me they can hear the passion in my voice when I talk about it and they’re right. This work lights me up in a way I never expected.

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

One of the most important lessons I had to unlearn was being a people pleaser. I came to realize that I was prioritizing everyone else’s needs above my own often at the expense of my well-being. Over time, that imbalance began to take a toll. The truth is, when I’m not grounded and taking care of myself, the relationship suffers. But when I am, the relationship thrives.

In my own partnership, I found myself constantly tending to others while neglecting my own needs. That led to feelings of resentment and a deep sense of being unseen and uncared for. It wasn’t until Melissa, in her usual wisdom, gently pointed out that I needed to start asking for what I wanted and take better care of myself, that things began to shift.

She asked me a powerful question: “Where do you think that pattern comes from this hesitance to ask for what you need?” In that moment, it hit me. It traced back to my childhood, where it didn’t feel emotionally safe to express my wants. That realization opened the door to healing and changed the way I show up in all of my relationships, starting with the one I have with myself.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.shadesofnonmonogamy.com/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/wayne.lesane/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/waynelesanecoaching
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/wayne-lesane-95435053/
• Twitter: https://x.com/waynelesane
• Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@shadesofnon-monogamy1605
• Other: https://lastcollective.org/

Image Credits

Photographer

Desmond Faison

https://www.instagram.com/director503/