We were lucky to catch up with Victoria Peña recently and have shared our conversation below.

Victoria, appreciate you joining us today. Let’s kick things off with your mission – what is it and what’s the story behind why it’s your mission?

Taking the road to become a therapist seems to inevitably take you down the road to face your own inner demons as well. It forced me to come face-to-face with my own childhood and the flaws it’s caused me to have in my adult relationships. This kind of came as a surprise to me because on paper I had a really great childhood. I had a mostly stable and predictable home life, my parents never divorced, my siblings treated me like normal siblings do, none of my extended family did anything harmful to us, I always had enough to eat, a comfortable bed, clean clothes that fit. From what I remember we had all the makings of a really great life. So when I came to the difficult truth that I had my own set of mental and emotional issues, it was pretty hard to accept. Over time, I learned that even when the basics of safety and security are there for a child, our deep and complex psyche’s can still experience hardship. The emotional relationship between a parent and a child is about more than just providing food, shelter, clothes, and education. When a parent doesn’t zone in to their child’s emotional needs this can cause issues with attachment. Then this child grows into an adult who struggles in relationships of every kind. I couldn’t believe it when I realized I had developed an insecure attachment to my parent which affects all the other relationships in my life, including the one I have with myself. I thought, if this could happen to someone like me, with all of the securities a child needs to survive and feel comfortable, image how many people have insecure attachments in this world.

I started to recognize when a parent spoke to their child in a certain way that was, let’s say not great, they were expressing their own insecurities, likely developed from their own childhood. For example, when a parent gets inappropriately agitated when they see their child underperforming in their school work, this parent might express high levels of emotion and apply a punishment, due to the child’s inability to meet the expectation set by the parent. This parent is focused on their own needs and reacting emotionally to the fact that their needs weren’t met by their child. They could believe that they’re doing the right thing for their child so they can become more motivated or realize the importance of performing well in school. What the parent is missing though is why their child isn’t performing well – what’s causing them to underperform. Since the why isn’t on the parent’s mind the child is left feeling like they don’t matter – only their actions matter. Watering the seed of insecure attachments for that child. Unless this is turned around by the parent early on, this child will grow to focus only on their actions and how it affects their relationship with others and the world around them. They might avoid arguments, jump to conclusions, express strong emotional reactions frequently, or repeat self-sabotaging behaviors.

This kind of thing so often get’s passed down from generation to generation and, having experienced it in my personal life, I’ve made it my personal mission to break the cycle now that I’m a parent. I’ve learned, first-hand, this is not an easy road. It requires a lot of deep-seated rewiring and sticking with the growing pain of breaking down my unhealthy internal protectors. As I set on this mission of my own I realized, while I was working with other parents that so many others need this kind of healing as well.

Now I’ve made it my mission to help women with children who also want to do whatever they can to ensure a full, loving, deeply connected relationship with their kids no matter how old they get. My practice focuses on helping the mom’s because our child’s health starts with our own. We can better nurture the bonded relationships we desire when we can fully embody a healthy relationship with ourselves and heal the wounds that stand in our way.

Victoria, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

Becoming a therapist was never in my plan as a child or even as a college student. I was always very creative and wanted to do something in the arts, but another natural ability I have carried has been feeling strongly connected to other people’s emotions (probably why I love art and always needed an artistic outlet), so I assumed that meant I must be made to work in the medical field and help people heal. As I worked my way through college as a dance major, I wanted to accomplish three things: enjoy the study of dance, earn a great GPA, and get into grad school for occupational therapy. Being that the occupational therapy field was so competitive at the time, I was advised to take graduate-level courses as a non-degree-seeking student in a related field to increase my chances of admission. The classes I chose to take were in the rehabilitation counseling department at UTRGV, and that’s when I absolutely fell in love with the profession. I never felt like I fit so perfectly in a course of study. For much of my academic career I was an average, or sometimes below average, student, never interested in the core studies, so there was no way I could let myself ignore what felt was my calling.

I would argue that every counselor first starting out post-grad school is likely just trying to find their footing and knowing their niche is not on their radar. For me, it took several years. I spent the first five years of my career working in various areas of the field and seeing the full spectrum of therapy clients. Along the way, learning how to sharpen up my practice and, most importantly, incorporate my own advice into my everyday life – keeping my mental health balanced as much as possible.

Within that five-year beginner level of my career, I also became a first-time mom. An experience that carried pretty much every emotion imaginable yet was so indescribably fulfilling. The biggest challenge of motherhood in my experience was seeing myself repeat inherited patterns that I always promised myself I would never repeat. It was something that I was so committed to correcting and so zoned into that I started to notice that many of the clients I worked with also shared similar issues in their relationship with motherhood and parenting.

That’s when I discovered my niche. Helping women with kids break the patterns they inherited from generations before and forge their own path confidently as a modern mama. I aim to target and rehabilitate a mom’s own limiting beliefs, unresolved trauma, overwhelming anxiety, shame, and guilt, or expand beyond just knowing they want to be different so they can finally know how they can be different and do better. Focusing on her first so she can restore her relationship with herself, stand solid and grounded in her body, and ultimately pour so much more of her love into her kids – strengthening their connection for a lifetime. Getting to help other mamas to feel confident and connected with life and their families feels like I’m getting to live out my mission and purpose as a human – and I feel so grateful I get to be part of so many women’s journeys with self and motherhood.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

My relationship with money has been one of the toughest parts of becoming a business owner. My money mindset was so limited when I first started out and I came to discover that it had a lot to do with generational trauma in which my immigrant ancestors who lived through the great depression only survived because they had to save every penny they could. Fast forward to my father, who made his living as an accountant, the belief that all money security could be gone in the blink of an eye was only further drilled into my psyche. So, letting go and unlearning that I must be vigilant and pinch pennies was, and continues to be, a huge challenge at this stage in my career. Replacing that belief with the idea that income is a flow of energy and regulating my anxiety around that aspect of business has proven to help me better focus on what’s in my control.

We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.

Everyone who has said that the first two years of starting a business are the hardest, most challenging part was very correct. At least in my experience. Within the first entire year since starting this journey, I’ve faced a handful of moments where I was tempted to give it up and fall back on my safety net. But every time I was in those moments, I would get a thought that said these moments of high stress and pressure are only going to lead to some kind of breakthrough – keep going. Then, once I was through those moments, I would receive another opportunity to collaborate, connect, network, or see a new client.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.rootedmamatherapy.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rooted_mama_therapy/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61556576026483
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoria-peña-3a9970112
• Other: https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/841859