We recently connected with Victoria Icenhower and have shared our conversation below.

Alright, Victoria thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. It’s always helpful to hear about times when someone’s had to take a risk – how did they think through the decision, why did they take the risk, and what ended up happening. We’d love to hear about a risk you’ve taken.

One of the biggest risks I’ve ever taken was filing for divorce while running my own business. Not only was my health on the line, the fear of rejection in my family, being alone, finances…my entire identity was on it as well. It required me hurting someone who had a big heart and was content/comfortable with life while I was growing and wanting so much more than comforts.

How could you go from having it all to starting over? For what purpose?

I spent years perfecting the American dream life from the degree to the house to the husband to the dogs to the business. Like a checklist, my parents would be so proud for every big milestone.

Then what? What was next for me?

When I was unable to fall pregnant, I began investigating more into my health holistically. Maybe theres something wrong with me.
And thats when it started. The moment I prioritize my health, learning about my body, the connection of my mind, hidden traumas from the past, how my relationships and decisions were shaping my future… things fell into perspective.

You really get a big picture of the world you want to live in. And This life didn’t belong to me. Not anymore.

The world I wanted to live in was filled with Freedom, Success, Romance, Love, Travel.

The crazy thing is knowing and deciding what to do with this information.

Up until a certain point I would always find myself feeling sorry for myself. Angry. Hurt. Alone. Knowing that no one was coming to save me. The damsel in distress mentality we pick up from as young girls.. And the worst part was every time choosing to do nothing about it. Because as humans, we feel invalid about our feelings (which is rooted in our fears and deep subconscious thoughts from childhood).

That is until March 2022, I literally sat up from my bathroom floor and the tears finally stopped flowing because I realized that I was the thing I had needed all along, this time would be different. I was going to be OK.

I would find a way.
And I did.

As humans we want so much out of life, we force these unrealistic expectations onto others,, because we are never taught how to love ourselves.
Thats where it starts.
Learning to love yourself first.

So I became the Self Love Scientist.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

For folks who may not have read about you before, can you please tell our readers about yourself: I am the Self Love Scientist – I study pleasure for a living. Pleasure as in learning about the things that can greatly improve and honestly turn your lifestyle on. By learning to create a life in which you love yourself, you create better confidence and improved relationships!

how you got into your industry / business / discipline / craft etc:
I really niche down in my business From the depths of my divorce. During that time, I took inventory on what I wanted differently in this life and that it started with me. And I didn’t know how to do that. As a hopeful romantic, I taught myself about what I wanted my new life to look, feel, taste like. By learning to love myself from a people pleasing place, I learned there is a gap on prioritizing ourselves to know what it is we want or how to love ourselves. It lead me to develop a system of practices and tools that my life completely began to change for the better. I began sharing and teaching others how to raise themselves back up, taking their painful lessons and turning them into fuel for pleasure. It’s truly powerful when you recognize your worth and what you are no longer willing to settle for.

what type of products/services/creative works you provide:
I provide virtual coaching packages that include individualized sessions that focus on my clients needs, customized self care kits with products to enhance their journey, digital downloads/homework and offline communication to provide check-ins and accountability. I also offer public/private speaking engagements for medical professionals, divorce attorneys and nonprofits in the wellness industry.

what problems you solve for your clients:
I help clients who are struggling with a midlife evaluation of self, anyone who is experiencing heartbreak/divorce/breakup, as well as the lack of confidence that is creating stagnation in their sexual relationships and those who struggle to visualize a healthy, loving relationship as a result of trauma/previous experiences.

what you think sets you apart from others:
I create a warm and safe environment without judgement that is so empowering!
I make sure all my clients feel seen, loved and adored with professional listening and engagement.

What are you most proud of:
Aside from the tranformation, joy and new profound love I see my clients experience at the end of their programs…This niche has really opened doors that have lead to speaking engagements across the United States, as well as publications in Non-profit journals and podcast interviews. All these experiences have brought me out of my own professional comfort zone and reach wider audiences including males. I am very proud of the exposure and relationships I have built and created from this very seed that in the beginning felt like shame. My own personal journey to self love has become my greatest passion project.

what are the main things you want potential clients/followers/fans to know about you/your brand/your work:
It is through our own vulnerabilities we are able to grow, truly.

At the same time, your mental health is connected to your health. Sexual health is still some what Taboo in society and I am working on fixing that. Sexual shame and trauma are shaping and impacting our daily decision making, dating life, relationships at work, etc. Those interested in working with me, I want you to be prepared to learn more about yourself than you are comfortable with in the beginning! Humans aren’t use to having “their turn” and it gets to be your turn.

The woman I was two years ago, never thought she would be on stage or online teaching clients how to self love yet it’s the greatest job I have the privilege to provide.

Any advice for growing your clientele? What’s been most effective for you?

Reliable and Intentional Networking – I always thought I had to be everywhere to get my name out (which can be great to some degree except you might experience network burnout…) Then I realized by attending networking events in which my ideal client or referral partners could be was much better. Setting up an intention to be there helps motivate yourself too.

If it feels like you’re not making any leeway- be honest! Ask for help or have an idea of who a great referral for your business is! Being up front with who is in attendance or posting a few times online helps because your network is your net worth! Everyone is doing their best and the right folks will want to see you succeed.

All it takes is one person, one contact to connect you with many others. And the process repeats itself.

What I love most about networking though is the introductions.
Since my work involves topics that are vulnerable, I want people to get a sense of what I am like. I believe in great authentic connections, energy is everything and most folks will remember you by how you make them feel.

A majority of my clients originated from networking because of some introduction or referral. People are my passion so you will find me at a networking event!

How’d you build such a strong reputation within your market?

My reputation continues to be built upon the rawness of my story and explicit content of images to videos and context. The selection of my social media presence is carefully selective yet captures attention immediately.

For example, I shared a story on how I didn’t just experience divorce but death, ramen noodle diets and re-entering the dating world as a single woman owned business in one year.

Another example is my sharing of tasteful boudoir photos that capture the feminine essence of who I am becoming since healing my shame around sex and intimacy.

By sharing the messiness of these new chapters via social media, it gave my audience a clear window of authenticity and relatability.

It is real life. There is no filter.

I share information that is informative, raw, funny, painful, bittersweet.

As a scientist, I am willing to share not just the research but my own experiences as well. It builds credibility next to sharing client testimonials.

By sharing bits behind the curtain, going a tiny bit further in terms of explicitness..my audience found a closer relatedness to me.

You feel less alone when you see a part of yourself in someone else’s story. It inspires you, creates curiosity and then you’re hooked.

What will the self love scientist come up with next?

Contact Info:

• Email: [email protected]
• Website: http://theselflovescientist.com
• Instagram: victoria_icenhower
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/victoria.lotuslifestyle/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoria-icenhower-85082068/
• Youtube: SelfLoveScientist

Image Credits
Mary Lanaghan – MJLStudios Professional Headshots SilkLace Boudoir – Washington DC