Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Vera Milan Gervais. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Vera, appreciate you joining us today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
The biggest risk I’ve ever taken is believing in myself.
It sounds mellow-dramatic, considering how many risks I’ve taken in my life:
• Ending a 4-year marriage to my teenage sweetheart when I was 23 and everyone was trying to convince me to stay – apparently being unhappy wasn’t a good reason to get divorced!
• Quitting my job and dropping out of my degree program at the same time as my marriage ended because I realized I hated that part of my life too.
• Signing up for a survival weekend in the mountains when I’d never hiked before. It was physically and emotionally brutal – and it gave me so much confidence in my ability to tackle challenges.
• Impulsively going back to school to study Communication Arts because, while I’d always wanted to write, I’d been told I could never make a living doing it. I’m grateful I did – I defied the odds.
• Jumping out of a helicopter into the ocean with $5K of camera equipment on my back because I wanted to visit a sacred Haida site. Worth every second of doubt and fear.
• Moving across the country with an ex-boyfriend because it seemed romantic. It wasn’t. It was a hard lesson on the danger of rationalizing choices.
• Saying yes to a job I didn’t feel qualified for, partly to get out of a job that was burning me out. Even though I was effectively running away, the leap taught me I was capable of achieving so much more!
• Starting a business over a weekend when my new husband and I both ended up out of work at the same time. It marked the beginning of an exciting rollercoaster ride.
• Pivoting the business whenever we thought we had a great idea, and then either celebrating the results or digging ourselves out of debt. Either way, we gave ourselves the freedom to do it.
• Travelling the world with our kids instead of scaling the business. Definitely the best decision!
Decades of taking risks. Some impulsively. Some with lots of planning. Some based on gut, others rationalized. You’d think I was okay with risk. You’d think I could handle doubt and fear and guilt once I got the chance to follow my dreams and write a book.
Nope. The risk associated with sharing my creativity and curiosity was greater than any of the risks I’d ever taken.
Creativity expresses and generates emotions. It invites introspection and interpretation. It’s a source of inspiration and connection. It’s the scariest form of freedom.
To be creative, we need to give ourselves permission to express our dreams, fears, visions, values, and beliefs. We need to subtly or overtly reveal who we are – which means that sharing our creative efforts is like baring our souls. We expose the most fragile parts of ourselves to criticism and rejection.
It takes courage.
When I decided to write my book and share my thoughts around labels, limiting beliefs, and the “expectations ceilings” others place on us – things I know way too well – I lost confidence in my skills and insights. All I could do was focus on what I wanted to hide.
My mistakes. My regrets. The stupidity I associated with my worst moments.
Yes, I knew sharing lessons learned from my mistakes and missteps might save others from the same grief. But I cringed at the idea of exposing my flaws and weaknesses and defects. Would I look like a major “Loser” instead of a woman who’d found a life of balance?
I had to constantly tell myself I was strong enough and secure enough to be vulnerable. I had to believe I wouldn’t lose who I was, that I would become more of who I was.
I had to risk loving myself just as I was.
And I wasn’t sure I could. I’d spent so much of my life running and hiding because I didn’t feel I was lovable. Despite a great marriage, two wonderful children, and successful work, I questioned whether I had the right to show up as a sage and mentor. After all, I’d messed up so much.
But if I wanted to help others, I had to let go of those limiting beliefs. I had to believe in myself and trust that others would believe in me too. The irony was, when I finally talked to friends, they were excited for me.
I was the one with big doubts.
As I started to share my stories and ideas, magic happened. Women told me their own stories of doubt, determination, frustration, fear, and holding back. I was not crazy or selfish – I was putting words to feelings they too experienced and often buried. In talking about it, we learned so much about each other, and were able to highlight the wins along the way. The successes we hadn’t celebrated.
Creativity improves with practice. In the same way, confidence improves with practice. It creates momentum. Reaching out showed me the impact I could have if I shared my gifts of curiosity and creativity. If I trusted myself to show up, speak up, listen and learn.
As a twist of fate, my name, Vera, means truth. I had to trust in the truth.
I had to trust in myself. I had to give myself permission to believe in the woman I am – flaws, mistakes and all.
The greatest risk I’ve ever taken is saying yes to expressing myself and my creativity with love and compassion. It’s a continuing journey, but now the rewards are greater than the risk.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
I’m a proud disruptor, writer, speaker, author, success mentor, and award-winning businesswoman.
I’ve called my company VMG Unlimited because my dream is to help hundreds of thousands of women and other individuals create self-confidence and live the life they want. How? By choosing the way we think and talk to, and about, ourselves.
Our brains learn from repetition, so the words we think, speak, write, and hear have a powerful influence on who we believe we are, and thus who we become. Both science and psychology study the impact of limiting language and beliefs on our identity, but interpreting those scholarly articles takes time. Since one of my gifts is the ability to simplify complexity, I created a way to address limiting beliefs that is both practical and achievable.
The WORDZ We Wear® is based on the premise that words are labels and, like the clothing labels we wear, word labels influence how we feel and how we show up. These emotions affect what we believe we deserve, and the resulting feelings of worthiness determine our choices and actions. In other words, they pave the way for what we achieve in our lives.
I’m living proof of how the word labels we attach to our identity hold us back from stepping into our gifts and strengths. I had a birth defect that meant one of my legs didn’t grow properly. By the time I was eight years old, I had a 4-inch leg length difference and scoliosis. Four major surgeries meant much of my childhood was spent on crutches or in a wheelchair.
The word “defective” was attached to my identity. The label defined me and confined me. Isolated and marginalized, I made decisions and accepted conditions that further diminished who I was.
I didn’t believe I deserved anything good, which led me into a doomed teenage marriage, an unrewarding career path, and an inability to form close relationships.
Ironically, car accidents featured repeatedly in my journey to wholeness, because they left me bedbound. They disrupted the distractions that kept me running and hiding, and forced me to think about my life.
The first accident resulted in the sad realization my marriage was empty, and I was working on a degree I didn’t want, towards a career that made me unhappy. Leaving my marriage was probably the first real decision I ever made to create an identity and life for myself. The results weren’t what I expected, though.
My Irish Catholic father didn’t believe in divorce. He stood with his values, and disowned me.
While the estrangement was emotionally difficult, an unexpected blessing was that I no longer had to live up to my father’s expectations of right and wrong. I could create my own. I wasn’t a “good girl”, so I may as well be bad and defy the status quo.
I embraced being a “black sheep” as an advantage: I decided I wouldn’t care if people liked me or the way I did things. I would do what I believed was right for me. As a result, I found my voice and built a wildly successful career in advertising and strategic consulting.
At 30, I was director of client services at a large medical advertising agency, spearheading their strategic marketing and health education programs for major packaged goods and prescription products. Then I helped coordinate a multi-million-dollar IPO for a company that launched the career of a Canadian icon.
Yet all this time, my heart continued to drum “defective”. The personal relationships I entered were destructive, a reflection of my lack of self-love. Being a rebel and black sheep gave me some freedom, but it didn’t give me a sense of belonging. In my mind, I was a reject. I was just using my moxie as a shield.
A different accident shattered the shield. I got pregnant. Holding my baby released emotions I didn’t know were possible. I felt raw and open. Fulfilled. Whole. Alive.
Fast-forward three decades. My children are adults, my husband and I sold our business and I published The WORDZ We Wear: How to show up with Confidence and create your best life.
Now I want to help more people – particularly women and individuals marginalized by society and culture – choose the life they want. I want to help them find confidence, balance, fulfillment, and success.
Through speeches, podcasts, books, posts, masterminds and workshops, I show how choosing and using intentional WORDZ can override doubt and self-sabotage, allowing us to embrace the passion and power we all have within ourselves.
“Intentional” word labels disrupt the negative beliefs and patterns that hold us back. I celebrate those WORDZ by spelling them with a Z. These WORDZ have a significant impact on our sense of self and self-worth.
Self-confidence is an emotion, and it is often reflected in the way we introduce ourselves. When we describe ourselves based on our gifts, talents, and values, our WORDZ allow us to show up with purpose and strength. When we choose to be positive when we talk about ourselves, it changes what we believe. It influences how we show up, the choices we make, the actions we take, and the person we become.
Actions, behaviors, and choices – the ABC’s of identity. Identity is not a definition nor an endpoint. It’s a journey.
We don’t need to find ourselves to be happy, we simply need to be ourselves.
But if you do want to find me, I’m a mountain soul currently living on a tidal river in New Brunswick Canada with my husband Marcel, and 100 pairs of earrings!
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
How many of us have heard “If you’re on the right track, everything flows”?
The downside of this maxim is that if it doesn’t flow, we feel like we’re on the wrong track – which is not always the case. Sometimes it’s just a test of our convictions.
I’d spent almost a year doing research to write my book. When I sent it to my editor, Jen Singer, she gave me great feedback on my writing. She also said she could tell I had a medical writing background because I’d provided documented science behind my theories on labels and confidence.
In doing so, I’d missed the most important element of a good book – the human connection. Jen noted that women could find the research if they wanted to read it, but they were probably more interested in knowing how the WORDZ We Wear framework would help them gain the confidence they need to embrace the life they want.
I was crushed. All that work! About 70% of the book was written with support and studies. But Jen was right. I was hiding my ideas by rationalizing them instead of expressing the truth I felt.
After a good crying jag, I started over. I interviewed dozens of women and added six months to the timeline. It was the best thing I could have done, even though it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
After talking to several publishers, I decided to go with hybrid publishing, and release the book sooner than later. The cover design was approved and final content proofing was complete. I was ready to go to print in time for my birthday in March.
Then my publisher closed its doors. They’d spent my money and I would get nothing out of it.
The first instinct was to say “I was never intended to do this. No one wants to read my book. No one wants to know my story. Who do I think I am? Walk away.”
Fortunately, I had been doing workshops to test my theories. The sessions consistently received positive response, so I knew there was merit in my work.
The mentor in me said: “All these women who shared their stories believed they could help other people through you. Why are you being so selfish? Get your act together!”
I could easily have given up. I could have let those negative voices talk me out of moving forward. But one enduring lesson I’d learned from my mother was that there would always be naysayers. Our choice was to listen to them or ignore them. And maybe that’s why Mom showed up at a point when I needed her to show me the way.
Helen Milan was a trailblazer in her own right, becoming a realtor at the age of 50. She was one of the Top 10 Realtors in Calgary for most of the 10 years she sold real estate, despite the fact that she was not a typical real estate agent. At 5’10”, and 180 lbs, wearing a badly fitting wig and no makeup, my mother was known as Grandma Milan, an honest agent. I’m not saying other realtors aren’t honest, just that my mother made no attempt to do things the way everyone else did. She did it her way. And when she passed away, she left me enough to publish my book.
I acknowledge that the years my husband and I spent building a business and saving set me up to be able to absorb the blow of the publisher closing. And I believe that the ability to find a new publisher was the result of my willingness to look, to research, and to believe in my work.
The WORDZ We Wear isn’t just a testament to years of work. It’s a testament to a lifetime of learning, tenacity, curiosity, and the belief that writing and publishing this book mattered not only to me, but to others.
I’m glad I didn’t give up, because these are the types of messages I get from people who read my book or hear me talk:
“I needed this 20 years ago.”
“I just bought copies for my daughters.”
“Can I hug you?”
Is there mission driving your creative journey?
My dream is to inspire women to create their own definition of success by using my gifts to help them show up with confidence.
If we look at success as a personal, emotional state of being, the route to achieving success starts with nurturing our mindset.
By writing and speaking about the power of The WORDZ We Wear, I help people identify and consciously use intentional WORDZ (words with a Z) to step into their core identities with confidence.
Why is this so important? Because our words affect how we feel and how others perceive us.
Perception leads to judgment, which means the words we use to talk to and about ourselves, and the words others use to describe us, can create the limits – or the possibilities – that influence our choices and our lives.
We get to choose our choices and our future! Choosing the way we talk about and introduce ourselves allows us to step into our core beauty.
Think of the world we could create if we all chose to believe in ourselves!
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.veragervais.com/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/vera.milan.gervais
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/vera-milan-gervais
- Other: https://linktr.ee/Vera.Milan.Gervais
Image Credits
Darius Bashar, Marcel A Gervais, Archangel team, Oceanwide Expeditions