Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Tony and Nicole Davis. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Tony and Nicole , thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. So, let’s start with a hypothetical – what would you change about the educational system?
When the posed question is “what would you change about the education system to prepare students for a more fulfilling life and career”, the answer is encompassed in the question itself. Unfortunately, the current system is not constructed to prepare students for life and careers. The simple question of many high school graduates regarding their future desires will yield a far too common response of “I’m not sure” or “I don’t know.” Those answers by themselves would not be too startling if the student answered the question that way because they were torn between two or more interests. In that case it would make sense that additional investigation would be required for the student to actually know. However, the alarming reality is that after thirteen years of school and reaching the age of majority (18) many students still simply have absolutely no idea what a fulfilling life or career would look like for them.
Often, students are rewarded by going to class and listening to lectures. Then, they take a quiz, test or exam that is designed to benefit those who learn best auditorily and those who may learn best by reading and writing. If you do well, you are considered “smart.” If you don’t do well on that type of test, you may be considered average or even dumb. To make matters worse, many students are even taking advance placement (AP) classes in subjects, for which they have no interest for the sole purpose of presenting a certain image for admission to certain schools. This may seem prudent, but the end result is that the students are not prepared for the issues of life or careers.
I learned from a very young age that simply doing well in school was not an accurate measure of someone’s intelligence. As an eight-year-old, we had video game systems. My friend, who I consider to be my cousin, was twelve. One of the game controllers was not functioning properly. He simply got a screwdriver and opened the controller. What we discovered inside was a bunch of wires, that seemingly had no correlation to what we were doing via the game console to our television screens. What surprised me was that he did not seem deterred by the wires. Rather, he was intrigued. He followed the wires, moved some of them around. Low and behold, the game was functioning properly! Throughout middle school and high school, he never spoke of honor roll. However, if you gave him something to fix, he was your guy. And, even today over forty years later, he is still “the fix it guy.”
The educational system needs to expose students to subjects that will impact them regardless of careers such as plumbing and basic carpentry. As a potential homeowner, they will need these skills or know what to seek as they hire someone to fix their homes. Additionally, basic finance should be taught to eleventh and twelfth graders. Understanding finances will help them in their personal lives, with their relationships and they will gain an understanding that finance is an integral part of any business regardless of your career. Classes that involve speaking and even sales should be taught. At a basic level, many struggle with starting the careers they want simply because they do not know how to initially sell themselves in an interview. Then, you will have to sell yourself within a company to be considered for promotions and advancement. And, understating how sales impact a business will greatly impact how one performs their job within a particular company, even if their position is not in sales.
Last, some sort of conflict management or resolution skills should be taught. Possessing these skills will help an individual within their personal relationships and workplace relationships. With family planning, especially for married couples, agreement is paramount before proceeding. Lack of agreement is a primary reason for married people not proceeding with their plans.
Tony and Nicole , love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
My wife Nicole and I have been married over thirty years. Many people who have experienced our sons would say something positive about them and then say, “You two should write a book regarding parenting.” We accepted the compliments; but, we knew that the true litmus test of our teachings could only be accurately evaluated after our children left the house and had to make independent decisions, without our oversight. Once they proved themselves to be successful, we considered ourselves to be qualified to write a book regarding parenting. We also wrote books regarding marriage and leadership. Those books are part of a series that we call the Done-Right Series. Additionally, we would speak with couples regarding marriage and Nicole has extensive experience with family mediation. So, we co-founded our business Empower to Engage. Empower to Engage’s mission is to address family issues and to transform relational dynamics via mediation and coaching.
Later, to fully help families achieve their desired goals, I started Davis Family Legal group. Our goal is to be your trusted advisor who helps you make the very best personal and legal decisions for your family throughout your lifetime. We help families and individuals establish trust- based and will-based estate plans to ensure affairs will be handled smoothly and competently in the event of incapacity and that the families will be kept out court and conflict should someone die.
With both companies, we understand that our job is to educate the client and then help them craft the best solution for themselves. The most satisfying part of work is that people come to the mediation process and realize that they actually can collaborate to solve their issues. Regarding estate planning, I love the fact that I get to simplify the legal process and encourage families to think about the futures of themselves, their children and their relatives.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
Maya Angelou has a famous quote that says “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” The lesson makes sense and when applied it will prevent you from accurately getting to know the real person.
This backstory for this is quite unique. As an eighteen-year-old, I was stationed in Keflavik, Iceland. The country was beautiful. We were encouraged to explore it so long as we returned to the military base by the midnight curfew which was negotiated between the governments. I was a pretty reserved person, so I spent the majority of my time working, lifting weights, and taking college courses. Some of my peers decided to explore the country. They even made local friends who helped them explore the country after the curfew. One night I decided to give it a shot. I went out to explore the town, but I returned to the base before curfew. The next time I went out, I decided to hang out and even violate the curfew. Much to the chagrin of my fellow sailors, they now had a bad luck charm with them. Having me join the group equated to finally getting caught. As a result, I was placed on restriction where I could not leave the base for eight weeks. That was not a big deal because leaving the base didn’t really fit into my schedule. However, the most troubling part was when the Captain asked an older African American first class petty officer to talk to me because “Davis is cocky.” Upon receiving that word, I immediately requested a meeting with the Captain. I had to understand how he came to that conclusion. Much to his credit he agreed to meet with a young E-3 who had just gotten into trouble. I asked him why he thought I was “cocky”. He told me that I was too young to walk with such confidence like I owned the place. First, I was surprised that he even knew who I was. Second, I was absolutely floored that that was his assessment. Third, I could not believe that he would come to that conclusion. I told him that what he witnessed was simply my “natural walk”. I grew up in an environment where not squaring your shoulders and walking in an unaware manner could result in someone deciding that you were a weak target. We talked about some other cultural differences, and immediately thereafter, the Captain ended my restriction.
Despite the truth of the Ms. Angelou’s statement, I have learned that it should not always be literally or simplistically applied. As was the case with me and the Captain, it’s possible that you think that someone is showing you something when they actually are not doing so. I have also come to learn that sometimes people may be acting or reacting in a way that does not reflect themselves. It could actually be the stress of a situation that may cause them to “act out of character.” And, if applied stringently and legalistically, the lesson does not provide adequate room for another person to change. And, if they do change, I may be holding them to an assessment that is no longer accurate.
Are there any books, videos, essays or other resources that have significantly impacted your management and entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy?
Fundamentally, my approach to entrepreneurship changed during a conversation I had with the god-father of my children. At that time, he was working as a contractor for a local company as a database administrator. And, I was working as a contract administrator, while I attended law school. We were simply talking about my post graduate plans, which may have necessitated me switching employers. I discussed the advantages of working in-house versus the billable hours of working in a firm and even the possibility of “hanging my own shingle.” He casually made a statement that had a profound impact on me. He said, “regardless of which you choose, you are always an entrepreneur who has to look at yourself as the CEO of your own organization. The difference between me and you is that as a contractor, I realize that I am self-employed. As one who has the status of an exempt full-time employee, you don’t.” The point he was making is that when one interviews for a position within a company, they are selling themselves as an answer to the needs of that company. A salary is negotiated and then the work relationship commences. That individual gets evaluated (at least annually). Hopefully subsequent pay increases will happen. During times of downsizing, people are evaluated individually to determine which teams or individuals within teams will be kept. In a nutshell, you are representing yourself just like a contractor or consultant despite your title or exempt employment status.
Understanding that has certainly changed the way I approach everything I do. It has also changed the way I interact with other people. I view them as individual entrepreneurs, even if they do not consider themselves to be such. Employing the principle known as the golden rule, I treat them as I would want someone to treat me, as if I was the entrepreneur in their position. Using this approach has yielded many “win-win” outcomes as I engage with people in professional settings.
Additionally, there are several books that have greatly impacted my entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy. Two of the books that I have read are How to Succeed in Business Without Being White by Earl Graves and How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. There’s an old saying that people will often see what you are before they get to know who are. Another old saying is that you get only one chance to make a first impression. Earl Graves made it clear that the world is not fair and that stereotypes do exist. Therefore, it is imperative to always present yourself in the best light. It does not matter that your peers of a different race may be breaking norms with their dress, to be taken seriously as a professional, you must realize that you do not have the option of not dressing appropriately as a professional.
Dale Carnegie gave many outstanding principles in his book. Yet, the one that I can continually implement is knowing that one’s own name is the sweetest sound to them. I use the name of the other person as often as I can. And, I remember and use the names of the people they introduce to me or reference. I have always had an uncanny ability to recollect names. However, I did not understand how important it was to use their names until I read the book.
I referred to the books of Earl Graves and Dale Carnegie as “books that I have read.” However, there is another book that I have yet to read that has had a profound impact on me. That book is You Were Born an Original, Don’t Die a Copy by John L. Mason. The title of the book itself reminds me that even as I acquire knowledge from various sources, I must always remember to be myself. That is the only way to be truly authentic. And, that truth has helped me to encourage others to always simply be themselves.
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- Website: https://davisfamilylegalgroup.com/
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