Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Toni McKinley. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Hi Toni, thanks for joining us today. Can you recount a time when the advice you provided to a client was really spot on? (Please note this response is for education/entertainment purposes only and shouldn’t be construed as advice for the reader)
I have given advice that is spot on, but let me give you some background information first so you can understand why. Growing up was difficult. My father was not a nice person. He would tell me he didn’t love me, which showed how he treated me. He had harsh punishments that didn’t fit the crime. They were meant to feel torturous, but not enough to leave a bruise on you. He did many bad things to me that I’m not particularly eager to talk about. It is difficult to talk about the people who are supposed to protect you, and they severely harm you instead. This led to me seeking love and affection from others. I ran away from home a lot as a teen. I was sold for 21 days by an adult male I met when I was 15. After that, I lived in a few girls’ homes and continually sought affection from boys or men. I just wanted to be loved, and many people took advantage of that. I was always in survival mode, and it didn’t stop when I turned the magical age of 18. I was trafficked again by a retired police officer. He created a fake warrant for my arrest and said he would pay it off so I wouldn’t have to go to jail. I didn’t understand the system, and I believed him. I was scared to go to jail. I had already been there quite a few times as a kid. After I escaped that situation, I knew I had to do something different, so I didn’t keep getting abused and taken advantage of. I was hungry, poor, and tired. I thought about stripping for some fast cash, but I knew it would lead me to destruction. Instead, I walked into a community college and asked for help to go to school.
I had to start high school-level classes. I didn’t test in college-level courses. A few of them I passed, but some I did not. I had to take them over. One of the classes I re-took four times! The first three times, I kept failing! The information wouldn’t stick in my head! I tried hard! My brain wouldn’t work! But on the 4th try, I aced it! And from there, my classes became easier to pass. My brain finally started remembering facts. It didn’t take long before I was getting lots of A’s!
Fast forward to today, two degrees, am a mother to four children, am an author of two books, successfully train and teach all over the country, and am Executive Director of Magdalene House of Austin (a transitional home for trafficked women). Now I work with women who have struggled with what I went through. They have been through the most horrific crime anyone could have committed against them, sex trafficking. They came to Magdalene House for help because they hadn’t been able to succeed on their own. Many have pulled themselves up by the bootstraps and fallen over again. With the support at Magdalene House, they can get back on their feet and be free to live their dreams! But it isn’t easy!
I love to tell them the story that I just told you. Because of my life experience, I can confidently tell them not to give up no matter what! I want them to try and try and try! Eventually, their brain will give in and start working like mine. It may take a while, but they will never know if they give up.
Here is an example of how this recently played out. A young woman I was working with wanted to get her GED. She hadn’t been to school in years. She signed up to take the classes, and she struggled. I told her how I got to where I am today. If I had given up because I failed some classes not once, but three times, I would not be where I am today. I told her not to give up! Keep trying! Eventually, you will succeed. Soon she passed one course, then another, then another! She has one more to go! I know that this story has helped her in many other ways. It has helped her stay in therapy to process her trafficking trauma. It has helped her stay sober from her addiction. It has helped her start her own business, so she can now support herself. I am confident, and so is she, that no one will ever be able to exploit her again! She is truly free to live her dreams!
If you are reading this and feel like giving up, I want to tell you to keep trying! If what you are working toward is truly a dream, or if it is an obstacle that must be completed so you can achieve your dream, then don’t give up! If you have lived through any traumatic events in your life, and most of us have, then your brain needs time to heal. All trauma affects how our brain is wired, and many of us stay in survival mode, which doesn’t allow us room to learn and grow. I want you to ask for help, find support from trusted people, and keep trying! You can do it!
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your background and context?
I work with women who have been trafficked. To do this, I had to heal from my trafficking trauma first. I began seeing a counselor late in life. It took a while to realize that my trauma negatively affected my life and my loved ones. I needed to be set free from the effects of the emotional, sexual, and physical abuse that happened to me during my childhood. There were many ups and downs during my healing process. I struggled with depression, fear, and anxiety. I was in counseling for seven years, and during that time is when I found my purpose in life.
I wanted to help other women experience the freedom I did from processing my trauma, so I went back to college and earned a master’s degree in professional counseling. From there, I started counseling first responders who were suffering from traumatic events they experienced. Women who were trafficked somehow found me, and I began counseling them, also. I became obsessed with learning more about the brain and its effects from the trauma caused by trafficking. I started teaching everyone who would listen about how trafficking trauma affects the brain and behavior. I taught people how to walk through the healing process with those who have been trafficked. I led a therapeutic group of teens who have been trafficked to help them understand what happened to them, which is critical for the healing to begin. Out of that, I wrote a book. It is called, What Happened To Me: Healing For Sex Trafficking Survivors. There is a first and second edition, whose purpose is to help others heal and support those working in the anti-trafficking field to understand those who have been trafficked.
After many years of hard work and determination to follow my passion, I am now the Executive Director of Magdalene House of Austin. Magdalene House of Austin is a survivor-led community for adult women who have survived sex trafficking. We are a community centered in love that provides safe and supportive free housing, access to healthcare services and counseling, and vocational training.
What do you think helped you build your reputation within your market?
I can’t help but be authentic with myself and the people who come into my life. I am not a fancy person. I make mistakes. I can laugh at myself. I love people no matter where they are on their journey. I love to learn. I believe that humility will continue to make me a better person. I strive to see others heal. I am empathetic and compassionate. And I love people! That is what I believe built my reputation within the anti-trafficking movement.
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
I am asked this question a lot. The first time I was asked this, it took me back for a minute. I couldn’t recall what would have made me so resilient to accomplish everything I have thus far in life. I was a lonely, depressed child who drowned in drinking for many years. After pondering for a moment about how I had such resiliency, I recalled my first-grade teacher. I had never realized it until that moment. My teacher would come to my desk, squat down to my level, pinch my cheeks and say, “You are such a good little girl!” No one had ever told me that before. I was always the bad one at home. I was the black sheep that wouldn’t conform. I was the teen being locked up in jail most weekends. I was the one being sold to men for sex. I was the teenager that lived in a girl’s home. But my teacher thought I was good. So I hung onto that my whole life. I wanted to be good. I didn’t want to be wrong. I learned in my counseling sessions that what happened to me was terrible and didn’t make me bad. I believe my first-grade teacher planted a seed in my heart, which kept me striving to be here today.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.tonimckinley.com | https://www.magdaleneaustin.org/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Tonih0pe/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/toni-mckinley/