We recently connected with Tiffany Ramm and have shared our conversation below.
Tiffany, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
The biggest risk I every took was staying in Los Angeles after surviving infidelity, financial abuse, and a devasting divorce which left me estranged and abandoned with only $37. I had always wanted to leave the Midwest, being a native Minnesotan, and live in a warmer climate, so despite my huge setbacks I insisted on staying and making it in Los Angeles.
Prior to moving to Los Angeles, I was a full-time school social worker, part-time non-profit Executive Director, and part-time talent (tv hosting and modeling). My then husband got a new job which moved us to Sacramento. It was at this time that he suggested I pursue my entertainment career full-time, not transfer my social work licenses, and rely 100% on him financially. At the time it seemed like a dream come true, except his salary did not make up for my loss of income. I knew this, and thus hustled hard when we got to Sacramento. I was signed with a new talent agent within 2 months and was working on a semi-regular basis with entry level paid gigs. We had more than just a few small blips on the radar, red flags of his infidelity, but I kept trying to make my marriage work. Within a year, I was working small gigs in Los Angles a few days a week and getting auditions regularly. As a result, my then husband suggested we downsize our two bedroom apartment in Sacramento to a one bedroom and get me a studio apartment in Los Angeles to save money. I wanted to believe this was to support me, but even then, I think I knew. It didn’t take long for him to completely forget I existed. I would be excited to rush back to Sacramento on the weekends to see him and he would suggest I stay, “just in case I get a weekend booking.” It became clear he was busy with someone or something else. He would miss or skip our nightly calls and be very distracted when I was home on the weekends.
Prior to all this, another concerning red flag became aparent. He was tracking my every move using his Apple watch and my credit card purchases. I once requested to be put on a cash allowance to be more accountable with the spending. It lasted two weeks before he became upset that I used my extra gas money on groceries. He insisted I use two credit cards he added me to. As a result, he would freeze the card any time he wanted to if he wanted an explanation for the purchase. This happened to me for the first time at Whole Foods, while grocery shopping. He froze the card because I spent $120 instead of $100. I called an asked why the card was declined and he told me he wanted to “know what I was doing.” I had to explain the purchase in real time for him to activate the card. It was one of the most humiliating events of my life. Only second to when he froze the card while I was on “pre-approved” trips with friends. He would freeze it and make me explain each meal purchase. I didn’t know at the time, this was financial abuse. His behavior drove me to be very aware of my spending. Unfortunately, I did not have steady income and my savings slowly depleted as I was using it to supplement the bills he was not covering.
One weekend in January 2017 it all finally blew up. I found evidence of him cheating on me in addition to learning he had accumulated an excessive amount of credit card debit without my knowledge. When I confronted him, he denied everything and then in return threatened me and attempted to get a restraining order against me to protect his iPhone and Apple watch (odd, I know). He proceeded to turn off service to my cell phone and the wifi at the Los Angeles apartment, turned off all the credit cards, and even closed every bank account I knew he had. Effective immediately, he attempted to estrange me. The last words he shouted at me were, “you aren’t shit without me.” Thankfully, I refused to give up and go silently into the night.
Although I was heartbroken, embarrassed, and broke, I refused to return to Minnesota with less than what I left with. Although I had no money, I had a brain and an extraordinary support system. I cried, I lost sleep, and I didn’t eat until my mother sent me the money to file for divorce. I couldn’t afford an attorney, but I was literate enough to draft an immediate request for emergency spousal support (alimony). See, he tried to get me evicted from the Los Angeles Apartment by not paying the following months rent. I quickly reminded him his name was on the lease and that he too was financially responsible for the apartment. The judge ordered financial support, for him to continue to pay the rent, cell phone bill, and assets and debits frozen. I filed for divorce to protect myself. Within a matter of weeks, my entire life changed. My car got booted and towed for parking tickets and my transmission went out, but I refused to return to Minnesota. Los Angeles was home now.
Instead, I reminded myself of the foundations of “Success and Sanity;” coping skills, boundaries, self-care, and support systems. I had faced many other obstacles in my life. I knew how to work hard and start from scratch. Thankfully this time, I wasn’t really starting from scratch. I had a Masters degree and many years of experience, not to mention two best friends that would take the pain for me if they could. My family and friends were my motivation to stay. I had big dreams and we all knew I could accomplish them. I got not one, but two full time social work jobs. I paid off the towed car, signed it over to the city, and got a new one.
I made new friends, was frugal with my money, and managed to increase my credit score 120 points in 16 months. I co-hosted a post cast for 2 years, hosted my own pod cast, and have made many guest appearances on others’ podcasts. I finally took a job with Los Angeles County, when I knew the alimony was ending. By the time the alimony ended I was 100% financially independent. Since then, I have started my own private therapy practice, Gemini Wellness, and I am also a Lead Provider for CVS Minutes Clinic. My future is way brighter now than I could have ever imagined then.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
I have been performing since the early age of 6. Never having shyed away from the spotlight; TI continued my performance passion in pageantry, band, theater, film, modeling, television, radio, tv, and podcast hosting.
With a Bachelor of Science in Social Worker degree with a minor in Spanish from Augsburg University (formerly Augsburg College) in Minneapolis, Minnesota and a Masters of Social Work degree with concentrations in Clinical Mental Health, Adolescent Mental Health, and Non-profit Leadership and Management; I founded the 501 (c) 3 non-profit Unified Community Services in 2012.
I am a Licensed Therapist, LCSW, and founder of Gemini Wellness.
I am passionate about helping others be their best authentic selves and I have come to learn that healing past trauma, learning coping strategies, and learning to manage stress are some of the best ways to help others do just that. I specialize in treatment of trauma, depression, anxiety, life transitions, sex and sexuality. I also work with entrepreneurs, entertiners/performers, and professional athletes to teach them the 4 Pillars to “Succeed and Sanity; How to Succeed with Losing Your Mind.” I am passionate about helping others succeed and maintain their success without sacrificing their mental wellness.
I currenttly offer individual therapy, success coaching, and public and corporate speaking appearances. In 2023, I will be launching an online Master class and support group in addition to offfering a “Success and Sanity Planner.
We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?
One of the biggest lessons I had to unlearn was, “train your weaknesses.” You do not need to know everything when it comes to being a business owner. You do have to know what you don’t know. What I mean is, hire out. I learned quickly that graphic design is not my gift and therefore it was actually cheaper and more efficient to outsource skills that I am not good at nor efficient at. Over time I have become well acquinted with affordable subsription sites too. I decided to spend time doing what I am good at, make enough money doing so, and out source whenever possible. The faster one learns this, the faster your business will grow. Stop trying to do everything yourself for the sake of “saving money.” Invest in yourself and your business.
Can you tell us about what’s worked well for you in terms of growing your clientele?
Word of mouth and having a consistent social media presence has been the most effective strategies for growing my clientele. My friend started referring people to my practice before I even opened. I had 6 referrals before I even had an office. It says alot when someone is willing to recommended you to someone they know. In my case, I am LGBTQIA+ friendly, sex positive, and woman of color. I create a safe space for all that come to me.
For success coaching, I review the four pillars with my clients and develop those areas on an inidvidual basis to help them prevent burn out and be successful.
My consistent social media presence allows people to confirm who I am, no matter how they found me. They can cross reference me everywhere and the informaiton is consistent. I am consistent.
Contact Info:
- Website: tiffanyramm.com
- Instagram: Tifftalktv
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tiffany-ramm-msw-lcsw-72930545/
- Twitter: TiffTalktv
- Youtube: TiffTalktv