We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Ti Larkins. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Ti below.

Alright, Ti thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Are you happy as a creative professional? Do you sometimes wonder what it would be like to work for someone else?

It’s 4AM on a Monday, I roll over, away from my one year old daughter and the three year old foot in my back, to check the time. Usually at this time of the hour I’d roll back over and continue sleeping, but since moving back to my hometown in pursuit of a full time creative career, I’m awake and full of intention. It’s time to finish some work before the deadline. Quietly, I tip toe away from the bed, collect my things, and head for the kids’ bathroom across the apartment. Prematurely celebrating a victory, I smile as the creaky door slowly shuts, but to my dismay, “Mama!” My one year old daughter has awakened in a puddle of exhausted emotion. And now showering, work and anything else in the self care category seems almost impossible. The water is not milk, teething pain is not comforting, and a crying one year old is not the quiet a three year old needs to sleep. It’s now 7AM and what was supposed to be a good thing has turned sour.

As a single mother, dreams can sometimes get dim. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing a single mother can’t do when she puts her mind to it. The unfortunate part about dreaming though is reality, and often time the two aren’t always a match made in heaven.

My story has made it very hard to be a creative. I can’t always afford classes needed to strengthen my skills. I don’t always have a babysitter. I don’t always have the time to be in community and build rapport. My children do not care about deadlines. And bill collectors do not care about my hopes and dreams. The thoughts of a “regular” career path seem so comforting. It means predictability. A steady two week payroll check would provide security and stability to my children, soothe my family’s concerns and my own racing thoughts. I compare myself to my peers constantly. I often feel inadequate and insecure. Why are they so far ahead of me? What did I do wrong? Why does my family not believe in me? Am I not as talented as I think I am? Why does life keep happening TO me? Did I ruin my life having children this young? Is this not what I’m supposed to do with my life?

Being a creative often feels like the monkey on my back. I have all the vision, all the drive, all the motivation. Yet reality comes and rains on my parade and it gets discouraging.

The rain comes in all forms. Death, financial insecurity, food insecurity, discrimination, abuse, current events etc. I ask everything larger than me, if this is the vision given to me, then why am I going through so much? Why does it feel as though the same force giving me this vision, is the same force trying to stop me?

But isn’t that the beauty of art? What is art but a story. A story of resilience, realism, heartbreak, romance, joy, love, friendship and so on. Art is humanity. It’s how we study the parts of this world we can’t really explain but must all go through. It’s therapy to get through the unimaginable. It’s how we pay homage to our ancestors and heroes. Is how we document history and spite censorship and dictatorship.

Wherever and whenever I feel like giving up, I remember what makes art beautiful is not simply the art itself, but the story that brings us there. I feel honored to have a story to tell that will one day be someone’s survival guide through this journey.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

I’m the poet formerly known as Tamera, but you can call me Ti (T). As you can tell I’m from Minneapolis, MN, home of our beloved Prince and many other talented acts, so I grew up surrounded by artistic expertise.

I always sang, dance and talked too much. I was 12 years old when I made it a career. It was very much a cross roads of art or the streets for me. My community was and still is a breeding ground for poverty and sad stories. So I escaped through poetry, song writing, theater, athletics, community organizing and any other form of activity you can think of. I’ve been involved in a little bit of everything. This continued into my first year of college in 2014. I was the lead in my college’s production of ‘Trouble In Mind’, protesting and organizing, mentoring youth, and just very much “on the scene.” A little too much on the scene because I got pregnant at 19 years old, the top of 2015. I pushed through my second semester of college but was too ill with hyperemesis gravidarum to continue.

I completed some notable projects in between then and now including co-founding a now dissolved theater company, ‘Brown Eye Theater’, and our production, ‘What Do They Call Me’ written by myself. My poetry has been published, most dear to me is my entry in ‘Mothering Through Pain and Suffering in Silence: A Collection of Stories from Survivors’ put together by my mentor and teacher, Jasmine Boudah, M.Ed. And of course I’m in the community wherever and whenever they need me.

But the reality of it all is, becoming pregnant both changed my life and halted my career. And to be clear, it wasn’t the pregnancy that halted my career, but the reality of being pregnant at 19 years old, coming from a rough childhood and being surrounded by poverty and crime.

And that is now what fuels my art and career. I am creating the art and advocacy that I needed at 19 years old, scared and pregnant, that my abusive/drug addicted and now deceased partner needed, that my mother who became pregnant at the tender age of 15 years old needed, that my abusive/drug addicted and now deceased father needed (you see the pattern.)

I am currently working on a documentary, it’s in the early stages, titled ‘Tar Baby’, telling the stories of the Opioid Epidemic via a black and brown lens. My book of poetry is currently in the drafting stages, it’s titled ‘Hood Mourning’, which is a collection of grief in all of it’s forms. And of course I’m working on music and theater but I’m holding those projects close to my heart until it’s time, so you’ll have to stay tuned for that. Lastly I’m in the process of continuing school so that I may do my part in providing better mental health services to my communities. And of course taking care of my four babies at home, they’re my heart. I’m still very much everywhere even in 2023.

I just want to use my art and career to show my people anything is possible. We don’t have to accept what they sold us and told us as truth, I’m writing my own story and you can too.

Do you think there is something that non-creatives might struggle to understand about your journey as a creative? Maybe you can shed some light?

I recently ran into an old friend who introduced me to her partner as someone who, “used to do spoken word.” And I was taken aback.

To quote the great Beyoncé “I took some time to live my life but don’t think I’m just his little wife.” Please do not get it twisted, I’m still creating and I’m still an artist.

My mentor and fam Tish Jones taught that you must intake twice as much as you output. It baffles me that people expect creatives to be producing machines. How do you expect people to create art about life if they are not given the time to experience life?

This also applies to artists who make and sell products. In the world of click today, have it tomorrow, I want to encourage everyone to stop rushing artists so that we may create long lasting art that the world deserves.

What do you think is the goal or mission that drives your creative journey?

Besides my children and genuine love for the craft, this next round of projects have been driven by my grief.

I’ve always known grief, but in the last year and a half I have lost my partner, father, grandmother, step father, step grandfather, a host of cousins, friends, mentors and former teachers. This is on top of losing my sister in 2019, and two grand parents before that. Along with the community violence and police brutality my community has been facing. As well as other forms of grief, such as grieving old dreams and identities. I miss my independence before motherhood y’all! It’s hard. There has been a lot to process over the last several years, and I know I’m not alone. Many people have been expressing a heaviness over the last few years.

I am on a mission to bring comfort to the people and in the end, joy. We all deserve to experience joy.

Contact Info:

• Instagram: @tijanaebell

Image Credits
Haythem Lathaj @worldtravelingq Augsburg University Brown Eye Theater