We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Thomas Dunleavy, LCSW. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Thomas below.
Thomas, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. We’d love to hear about how you went about setting up your own practice and if you have any advice for professionals who might be considering starting their own?
The road to becoming a psychotherapist is certainly a rigorous and thorough one! From attaining a Master’s degree, to completing thousands of supervised clinical hours, to sitting for the licensing exam, to deciding which area of therapy to specialize in (and then receiving even more specialized training), to then deciding which population to serve and through what setting (whether community mental health, private practice, in a medical facility, etc.)…it’s a lot! And similar to other professions, the decisions don’t stop once you have your advanced degrees and licenses!
For me, I decided to begin my career in community mental health which gave me the chance to support people with low to no income who are struggling with severe and persistent mental health concerns. Many of my clients at the time were experiencing homelessness or, like far too many today, were only a couple of missed paychecks away from disaster. The truth is: specialized therapy can be expensive, even for those with insurance or financial resources. To have the chance to provide modern, effective, evidence-based treatment like Dialectical Behavior Therapy to people who might not have access to the care they needed made me feel like I was doing my part as a human being to contribute something constructive to this world.
I was formally introduced to social work while pursuing my Master of Social Work at USC, though I have been involved in volunteer work since I was a kid. For my first-year internship at USC, I was assigned to work in Skid Row which was an absolute dream placement for me. I was so hungry to give back to where care was desperately needed and to be involved in high stakes, crisis management situations. My internship also gave me the opportunity to really immerse myself in the community and better understand the complexity of the neighborhood as well as the people who call it home. My time in Skid Row has changed me in immeasurable ways and I have tremendous gratitude and respect for the people who came across my path. They’re permanently imprinted in my heart and I still think of them often.
After working for the LA County Department of Mental Health for several years, I decided it was time to stretch myself even further and I opened my private practice: Three Waves Psychotherapy. I founded Three Waves so I can further my specialization in the mindfulness-based therapies (including Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy), as well as to fulfill my dream of being a business owner. I set the intention to have my own practice when I moved to LA from the East Coast and it’s a pretty special moment to finally see myself doing what I set out to do.
I believe that life is always on time and whatever choices that were made along the way were the exact ones necessary to bring us to where we are today. To this point, if I could go back and do anything differently, I genuinely don’t believe I would make any changes. The path to where I am today certainly wasn’t always smooth; it was filled with essential lessons, opportunities to stretch myself out of my comfort zone, and achieve goals I never believed I could accomplish. Each of the hardships, successes, painful moments, and strokes of good luck played off each other, so to change one would change everything! I’ll gladly stick to where I’m at and with what I have today!
There are so many decisions to make in the early days of pursuing a career in mental health that it’s easy to find yourself stuck in analysis paralysis. It happens to a lot of us and this is certainly not exclusive to working in clinical psychotherapy! My suggestion would be to set aside some quiet time and connect with the place of balance inside of you that considers both your emotions as well as your logic. This is not an “either-or” moment! It’s important to allow both your head AND your heart to speak. From here, reflect on common themes in your life when you’ve experienced satisfaction, fulfillment, or certainty. These themes are your values and can represent what’s most important to you. For example, maybe dependability, leadership, and compassion are high priorities to you. Some people may say that their life is worth living when it’s filled with creativity, family, and adventure. A few of my personal values are peace, balance, self-knowledge, and achievement. There are no right or wrong values; it’s what’s most important to YOU as only YOU can define it!
Once you’ve been able to come up with about 10 of these guiding principles, go back to whatever you’re considering and start ruling out the options that won’t reflect the majority of your values. This can help narrow your focus and give you the needed push into action. Identifying your values can take some time and introspection, though once you do, taking values-aligned action can really help to simplify life, reduce anxiety, and support your ability to act effectively towards your goals.
Thomas, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
I’m a mindfulness-based therapist and founder of Three Waves Psychotherapy, which is an online practice specializing in the “third wave” behavioral therapies: Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MB-CT). Even though my office is in West Hollywood, I can see clients anywhere in California thanks to telehealth! Most of my clients come to me looking for help with managing intense emotions (especially fear and anger), or to learn practical techniques to use when overwhelmed by thoughts. I have a particular clinical interest in the treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety/ Panic Disorders, and other trauma-related conditions, especially within the LGBTQ+ community.
Three Waves Psychotherapy offers adherent Comprehensive DBT, which is an evidence-based intensive treatment created to help build a life worth living. My practice also offers DBT Skills Group which teaches practical approaches for getting through difficult times, managing emotions, improving relationships, and living more fully in the present moment. I absolutely love teaching, so in addition to DBT Skills Group, I also offer private DBT skills coaching and I have created a 14 week Cognitive Behavioral Therapy group which helps clients form a new relationship with their thoughts.
Have you ever had to pivot?
I’m a midlife career-changer. Before I became a therapist, I was working in senior leadership at a New York City high fashion modeling agency for 14 years. Fashion and Mental Health may seem like completely opposite industries but you’d be surprised at how much cross over there is between the two!
Working in fashion had so many perks, but some of my most cherished moments where the times when my models would sit in my office and I had the opportunity to support them, not only in their career but most importantly, as humans. Yes, we focused on career goals and making money. Just as critical though is being able to make sense of everything that goes along with being in a highly competitive and, often times, very harsh industry. Just like life for all of us, there are high highs in the fashion industry and there are very real lows. Being able to sit with my models and help them to process that rollercoaster, while figuring out what changes need to be made in order to receive a different result, was an honor I feel very privileged to have shared with them. That’s very similar to my approach in therapy now: our feelings are extremely important messengers that we need to listen to if we’re going to use them constructively. At the same time, life is not only about the feels! Eventually, we need to make changes if we want to see a different result or achieve certain goals. For me and the work I do with my clients at Three Waves Psychotherapy, it’s all about walking that line between acceptance, understanding, and change.
After 14 years in the fashion industry, I knew in my soul it was time for my next adventure. That’s not saying that it wasn’t an incredibly difficult and nuanced decision to make! There certainly were people who thought that I was the one who needed a psychiatric evaluation for walking away from all I built in New York! From my perspective though, I saw everything I was walking towards: my values that would be fulfilled through my work as a therapist; the ability to support recovery, healing, and growth; and the opportunity to stretch myself further than I ever believed I was capable of going. So, in my late 30’s, I did it! I moved across the country to LA, away from my family, friends, and home, and into the most fulfilling career and stage of my life so far. My plan and faith paid off…and I genuinely cannot find the words that fully express what that means to me. There are some experiences that can only be felt.
Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?
The untrained mind can really do a number on us if we don’t have a technique for experiencing our thoughts in a constructive way. My first bit of advice then is to not automatically believe every thought that comes into your head. Not all thoughts are facts. We have thousands of thoughts every day. Do you think they’re all going to be accurate, helpful, and supportive? No way! There will be assumptions and judgements and interpretations and magnifications. Try to get curious about these clusters of words that go through your head. If you do choose to engage with them (because believe it or not: you don’t have to give your thoughts all your attention!), try to stick with the factual ones. Direct your attention to ‘what-is’ especially when your mind is filled with ‘what-ifs.’ When you’re starting out in a new career, your brain is likely going to generate a lot of questions. And that’s ok! The brain is just doing what the brain does so when it asks you a question, answer it! The key, though, is to make sure you’re answering with facts and not interpretations, judgments, or assumptions.
For those specifically pursuing a career in psychotherapy, I’ve found that it’s been very useful to have a specialty, especially when it comes to marketing and building a referral network. Your specialty can be the population you serve (i.e. the LGBTQ+ community, first time moms, teens, etc.); the conditions you treat (i.e. Borderline Personality Disorder, anxiety, grief, eating disorders, anger management, trauma, etc.); and/or treatment modality (i.e. Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, EMDR, mindfulness-based, etc.). When you’ve narrowed it down in this way, it’s a lot easier for your ideal client to find you in the sea of therapists out there. It will also be much easier for your colleagues to send you appropriate referrals. I’ve had therapists that I collaborate with who tell me “Oh, Thomas is my DBT Skills Group guy!” or “He’s my mindfulness guy!” or “I send my clients with Borderline Personality Disorder and anxiety to Thomas. He’s my guy!” It always makes me chuckle and I love that I can be “that guy” for them.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.threewavespsychotherapy.com
- Instagram: www.instagram.com/threewavestherapy/ @threewavestherapy