We were lucky to catch up with Thalia Vivens recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Thalia, thanks for joining us today. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?
The word “career” in itself stirs me, undeniably. When you finally learn what exactly it is that makes you feel excited, empowered, and eager in regard to your own life, that is when you find what your “career” had ought to be. As someone who is currently seeing a therapist, I feel that the conversation in regard to finding and defining your career is something that I have hyperfixated on for quite some time. I began dancing when I was 2 years old. Ballet was my home and I greatly enjoyed it. As time progressed, other factors began to come into view, when I was at an age to finally notice, that the reality of being a dancer is not always the glamorized illusion of “balletcore” that we see in media. Granted, nothing about this field is easy. There are physical and mental demands, manipulation of the mind and body, and that’s the art in itself. Now, add being Black, Hispanic, short, and heavier set in a predominantly white, affluent, studio. When your teachers sing the praises of white girls, commending their lithe, thin, beautiful lines as you continue to learn alongside them, you do begin to internalize things at a personal level. I couldn’t tell you how many times I wanted to quit and never look back. Lo and behold, the pandemic occurred and that was the end of dancing for a while. I was starting college to become an interior designer and trying to clean up some heavily disordered eating habits and body image issues that came home with me. 2022 rolled around and I was in school, struggling to find fulfillment in my college courses, and at a mental low with personal grief in regard to the impending passing of my grandfather. Deep down, I knew that I couldn’t listen to music without envisioning myself dancing or seeing choreography to create. With all that I endured in dance, I internalized resentment and longing at the fact that I hadn’t kept going despite the toxic environment that was home for so many years. If it wasn’t for me, then why did I want nothing more? Why was dance the only thing that kept me up at night? I found a dance organization on campus, took class, and the rest was history. I found fulfillment when I thought that I would have to keep sucking it up in my major classes and inch into a new industry (no discredit, of course, I just found that I belong elsewhere). Ironically, the thoughts that I previously had in regard to not being thin enough, being a woman of color, and not fitting the mold were no longer a hinderance, but a superpower. The fact that I could never let this art form go, and to come back with the confidence that my teenage self could only dream of having, just serves as a full 180. I definitely had realized what I not only want, but need, my career to be. If it keeps you up at night, if it’s all you think of, it it’s something that you’re willing and determined to fight for, you’ve found it.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
I’m very proud to call myself a dancer, as movement has been a part of my life since I was 2. Although my route towards becoming who I am today has been far from easy, I cannot see myself in any other position. When I made my return to dance in 2022, following a brief hiatus, I knew that my experience and existence had value in this industry. I knew that my voice mattered. As an outlier in the industry, being a short, midsized, Black and Hispanic woman, I decided to turn my previous pains and traumas into becoming an advocate for diversity in the arts. The same year that I rediscovered my passion for dance, I decided to create my own blog space titled “Thalia Takes the Stage,” and turned to social media to further relay the messages that I hold near and dear. Since then, I have connected with countless professionals in the industry. I fondly look back on the day that Taela Graff, of Houston Ballet, reached out to me as a means of wanting to train together. I recall screaming and jumping in my kitchen, giddy as can be. Moments like these serve as further affirmation that I am doing something right by advocating for diversity, sharing my experiences, and creating an impact on dancers of all ages and walks of life that affirms that we can shake the outdated systems in the industry for the better.
If you could go back in time, do you think you would have chosen a different profession or specialty?
Ironically, on this journey, looking back is something that I find myself doing quite often. When I started dancing, of course, I knew that this was not easy. Granted, I knew that I needed time to keep getting better, but additional factors began to weigh on me when I was beginning to understand that I was an undeniable outlier. At that time, all I wanted was to fulfill the commitment that I promised my mother: keep going until you finish high school. Nonetheless, being in the only heavyset person of color in a predominantly white space led me to dread coming to class, sticking out like a sore thumb, and being constantly critiqued while I watched my white counterparts be praised for their natural lines, talent, and beauty as dancers. Looking back, I didn’t realize the power in that for myself, and I began to pick up on disordered eating patterns, severe body image issues, and a resentment for the art form altogether. I did keep my commitment through three years of high school, up until the point in time where I made the primary dance company there (Shoutout to Inertia Dance Co!). Honestly, it was night and day to be surrounded by a diverse company of talented dancers of countless walks of life, specialized genres, and empowering instructors who always saw potential in us. Still in all, the pressure to get college applications submitted ran rampant, and I felt that my physical features in dance weren’t realistic to pursue a career in such (on top of mental burnout from the toxic studio environment that I had been in for so long). Henceforth, I went for something more realistic and that I thought I could do instead. I have always loved homes, so I figured I’d pursue an interior design degree. Time passed and I was halfway through college, getting my architectural basics in, when I came to the realization that this wasn’t what I had anticipated. Despite thinking that dancing was a pastime for me, it was always in mind, incessantly. I found an organization for dancers on my college campus, took class, and that was all I needed to find the affirmation that this was for me. As much as time heals, I knew that, as a dancer, 2 years away also signified time that I could have spent getting auditions and companies on the radar. Nonetheless, I know that I am rather unconventional in dance, and am empowered by that, I also am learning to give myself grace with defying standards in career timeline as well as defiance through my own existence in a dance space. Do I regret finishing college with a different degree? No doubt about it. However, I think that the time away from dancing and being in an environment where I wasn’t the most certain has only made me want to go harder now.
Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?
When I say that I defy standards and the conventional journey, I mean that with all sincerity. During the Spring 2024 semester, my final one in college, I had picked up musical theatre and swing dancing on top of continuing with my ballet training. I felt as if I were on cloud 9 during my collegiate dance department’s end of year showcase. Running to change between numbers, stretching, going over choreography, then performing was so invigorating. Truly, I felt purposeful and so grateful to be back. The following day, I moved out of my shared apartment, and left San Antonio to head back home to Houston. From there, something had changed. I truly couldn’t tell you how out of the blue it came. My head started to throb, and I was exhausted all the time. Granted, my assignments were submitted, and I was entirely free until graduation. I would go up the stairs and feel a pulsating sensation in my head. Truly, I became unrecognizable to my family. All I wanted was silence, no lights on, and a clear hallway to make a mad dash to the bathroom to combat the nausea and vomiting that came up out of nowhere. It was mid-May, a time where I remembered the 2-year anniversary of my grandfather’s passing, had graduation coming up right after, and feminine issues on schedule. Nonetheless, this was heavier than grief, graduation imposter syndrome, or menstrual symptoms. After all was said and done, I couldn’t handle any more. I went to my primary care physician on May 30th, 2024. Leaving with a presumptive migraine diagnosis, I got the phone call regarding my blood work. “We need you to go to the ER immediately. Your platelet and hemoglobin counts is critically low.” As someone who was at peak health, clearing 20 minutes on the stair stepper on a near daily basis, I didn’t expect to see a platelet count of 8 (a healthy count is within the 150-400 range, and 6.5 and below can be fatal). I was hospitalized that night, and released on June 20th. Thrombotic Thrombocytopenia Purpura (TTP), a rare autoimmune blood condition, isn’t something that 21-year old me had on my bingo card. From feeling that I was taking off and going far to being confined to a hospital room with a femoral catheter in me, it shakes you up. Nonetheless, I am grateful to be in remission, and have been taking the time to be in the gym, retraining my body and getting my stamina back. Continuing to utilize my platform and convey my messages in the industry, I am grateful that the connections I have made in the past are still at my side, and I know that this support system will feel all the more invigorating when I make my return to dancing full force.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://thaliatakesthestage.blog
- Instagram: @thaliavivens
