We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Tanja Pajevic. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Tanja below.

Tanja, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?

I took a big risk when I published my memoir The Secret Life of Grief. Even though I’ve published a lot of personal writing over the past 20 years, this book felt especially vulnerable. I had to deal with a lot of intense (and often conflicting) emotions when I spoke about my book. For example, even though I wanted to lighten someone else’s grief load with my book, sharing my story so publicly made me want to hide.

In the end, I found that the more I could step into my story, the more I was able to access my personal power. And that was a huge gift I wasn’t expecting.

Other gifts arrived from readers who thanked me for writing this book, and who told me that they no longer felt so alone. I’ve even had book-coaching clients come to me because of SLG!

Plus, publishing this book opened up other avenues I wasn’t expecting, from podcast interview requests to being the keynote speaker for the First Generation College Graduation ceremony at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. That was such a cool full-circle moment!

Last but absolutely not least, taking a risk on this book has allowed me to expand into bigger and bigger risks. I’m currently writing a memoir about the intergenerational trauma of my Serbian heritage, and there’s no way I could write that book if I hadn’t published The Secret Life of Grief first.

Tanja, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

As the daughter of Yugoslav immigrants, I knew that my parents were haunted by the past, but it would take me years to uncover the story of deeply my family was impacted by war.

I became a writer to unearth those buried truths.

Since then, I’ve written five books and published two: The Secret Life of Grief: A Memoir, winner of the Nautilus Silver Book Award, and 9 Steps to Heal Your Resentment and Reboot Your Marriage.

Part of what drew me to writing was its ability to help us reclaim our stories. Over the years, writing has also helped me chart a way forward.

That’s one of the reasons I love memoir so much.

I’m deeply interested in the real life challenges that we all face but somehow don’t talk about. And I’m drawn to transformation. Who are we? How did we get here? Where do we want to go? And how do we get there?

After 25 years of writing and teaching, I can tell you that the work may be hard — but it’s also profoundly freeing.
Stories help us make sense of life. They show us we’re not alone, and they can help us identify a way forward.

Since earning my MFA, I’ve taught writing in academia (the University of Colorado Denver and Indiana University) as well as in the larger community. Memoir is my all-time favorite genre, and I currently work as a memoir book coach.

One of the unique challenges of writing memoir is that we’re mining the tender material from our lives. Without the right container, it’s easy to inadvertently shut ourselves down or retraumatize ourselves.

That’s why I built my Memoir Mastery program around safety and self-care. Craft is important, but memoir writers also need to support their minds, bodies and souls as they’re writing. Having a kind and supportive community is also key. Together, those form the foundation of my offerings.

Is there mission driving your creative journey?

As a first generation Serbian American woman, it took me years to see my experience mirrored in the books I was reading. As an adult, I’ve worked to change that dynamic. Since then, I’ve published two books, hearing from hundreds of readers how much my writing has helped them.

I believe deeply in the power of storytelling.

Writing our stories is an incredibly powerful act, regardless of whether we finish our books, much less publish them. The very act of writing our stories can help us reclaim ourselves on a profound level.

That’s why I help women write their stories with safety and support.

Because your story matters. And it deserves to be told.

What’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative in your experience?

One of the things I most love about writing is how deeply we can touch another person.

I wrote The Secret Life of Grief because it was the book I needed at the time. In the 10 years it’s been out, I can’t tell you how many people have thanked me for publishing that book!

Even though I wrote about my challenges of navigating grief as a member of the sandwich generation (caring for aging parents while raising young children), folks from all walks of life told me that they felt deeply held and seen by
my book. Whenever someone reaches out to share something like that, it makes it all worthwhile.

Here’s the thing: if your writing helps even ONE person, you’ve succeeded.

All too often, we feel like we’re the only one who’s ever had to face a particular challenge. But it’s not true. Knowing someone else has struggled with an issue – then found a way forward – can help us feel less alone. I believe it was Brene Brown who said, “One day you will tell your story of how you overcame what you went through, and it will become someone else’s survival guide.”

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.tanjapajevic.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tanja_pajevic/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tpajevic/
• Other: The Secret Life of Grief: A Memoir

  Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Life-Grief-Memoir/dp/0986303135

  Bookshop link: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-secret-life-of-grief-a-memoir-tanja-pajevic/6b8629b3ca6aa77f?ean=9780986303135&next=t