We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Tamara Spence. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Tamara below.
Tamara, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. What sort of legacy are you hoping to build. What do you think people will say about you after you are gone, what do you hope to be remembered for?
The legacy I am hoping to build is not only one that impacts the multitudes, but one that changes the world, no matter what gender you are. I want people to always feel empowered. I want people to always know they have a voice, a voice that should never be silenced no matter what society says, no matter what even the people closest to them says. Mental health and mental wellness are real things. Unacknowledged trauma is a real thing. A thing that can truly hinder us from being the best versions of ourselves. I’ve spent most of my adulthood addressing trauma from my childhood. Trauma that I wish someone would’ve provided a safe space for me to talk about, trauma that I wish could’ve been addressed properly so that I could navigate through it effectively. We are taught to be silent, we are taught to “not let things get to us”, we are taught to “take everything with a grain of salt”. When in actuality, we should be taught to feel, we should be taught to speak up, we should be taught that it really is okay to NOT be okay. I want my legacy to show people how I used my voice to overcome, how I used my voice to triumph over every circumstance, every trial, and every tribulation. Life is meant to teach us, we are meant to fully experience things so we can flourish and so we can become all of who God has called us to be. Life is not about what happens to you, it’s about how you respond. And I want people to use my life, my teachings, my talks, my business, the community I build, my transparency, and my vulnerability, to show them how to respond to life. We don’t have to be quiet, we don’t have to always be strong, we don’t have to pretend to be okay, we don’t have to be or do what others want us to…but we do need to speak up. So many people suffer in silence. And it is those very things, that fester and bring about mental illness and disorders. But I am a living, breathing, walking, talking, example that there is victory on the other side of your traumas. That there is purpose on the other side of your pain. You don’t have to become what happen to you. Use your voice, find your safe space, and pay it forward. Somebody else is depending on you to make it, your voice, your win, it gives someone else hope! That’s what my legacy will be built on, giving people hope and confidence, that they CAN and WILL make it through whatever they are going through. Why? because they knew someone (me) who showed them it was possible!
Tamara, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
My name is Tamara Ashley, and I am a Motivational Speaker and the CEO/Creator of Pain to Purpose. For quite some time now, I have committed myself to working with individuals to amplify their communication, confidence and connection to purpose in an effort to make an influential impact on the world. I operate in the capacities of not just a speaker, but a life coach and mentor to men, women, and young adults. I guide with passion and lead with grace, teaching others how to effectively strengthen and elevate themselves to new heights.
I truly know how to work my platform, connect with people, and engage my audience from the moment I step in front of them. I also leave them with empowering tools, and shifted mindsets that they will use long after the encounter is over.
Pain to Purpose was birthed out of my own trails and tribulations which started from childhood well into my adult life. My life experiences of child sexual abuse, substance abuse, homelessness and a substantial amount of trauma have led me to a journey of healing, transformation, and power. Believing that “your testimony does not belong to you”, I use my life story and my influence to create safe spaces for people to be vulnerable, transparent, seen, heard and valued. I’ve spent years hosting and speaking at empowerment events designed to uplift women and young girls. For the last few years, I’ve tried to consistently host 1-2 empowerment events that provoke women to step into uncomfortable spaces to have uncomfortable conversations. Space where they can pour and be poured into. My one and only desire is to show anyone willing to learn, that there is purpose on the other side of your pain. I am a “Purpose Pusher”. I want people to see that they are not what they’ve been through and that there is so much more to them. I use my journey to be a light for someone else’s path. I survived and now it’s my time to go back and show other’s they can survive too!
What do you think helped you build your reputation within your market?
I believe what helped me build my reputation within this market or space of speakers, is my transparency. If you looked at me, you wouldn’t think I’ve been through half the things that I have. I made telling my business look cool, for lack of better words. Our generation doesn’t believe in showing people the negatives. Especially in this day and age of social media. We want to give off the impression that we are all good, all the time. Whereas me, speaking about my “not so good” moments or experiences, not only brings me healing, but it allows me the opportunity to connect with someone who may be dealing with or has dealt with the same situation or circumstance. My first speaking engagement, I had no idea what I would talk about. But my spirit told me to just pour. And after I released, the feedback I received, the amount of people that came up to me and shared their stories, had me in awe. From that day, I knew I was walking in my calling. From that day, I knew my life experiences and my testimony was meant to be shared among the masses. Some will look at me and say, how can you put so much of your life out there. My response, “If it will help someone else, then why not?”. We always have that mindset that we are the only ones going through something, truly a lie from the Devil. We may not be in the same boat, but we are all in the same water. Someone is always going through and trying to navigate, just like you. The Bible tells us that a tree is known by its fruit, I believe that my fruit are the lives that I touch. And because people see the influence or the impact, they cling to it, they inquire about it, and they start to pay more attention to it. Now we’re here, making an impact and changing lives.
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
There was a time in life, where things became extremely dark for me. I had a young child, had just lost my government career, lost my home, and my car. This was a result of still trying to grieve the unexpected loss of my mother on top of life’s circumstances just hitting me all at once. I had lost focus, I felt like time was standing still and I was dealing with something so surreal that I didn’t know what move to make next. I had no where to go, no one to turn to. The one person I had depended on, all my life, could no longer run to my rescue and could no longer save me. I scrambled up the last of the money I had, took some donations from friends and former coworkers, and for a while my daughter and I stayed in motels or with friends. Where ever we could stay, that felt safe, we took the chance. There were times I remember having to portion whatever food we had, making sure I made it stretch just in case I couldn’t gauge where the next meal came from. There were even times I had to make diapers for her because I didn’t have the money to buy any. We were lucky enough to be able to stay with a family member after a while. She just so happen to of experienced some hard times just like us, and when she was able to get a job and get approved for a place, she allowed us to stay with her. The first few months were hard, I still didn’t have an income, and I really didn’t want to become a burden to my cousin so I made sure we only needed the bare minimum. I made sure my daughter was fed and had her basic needs, me? I could go without. Just as long as she was good, so was I. I remember I cried, uncontrollably for two weeks straight at one point. Whenever my daughter was asleep, I curled up in fetal position and just cried my eyes. I had cut off all communication, no one knew where I was, no one knew where to find us. I felt so alone. I just couldn’t allow people to see me so broken, I didn’t want to be looked at like how I felt, a failure. Then one day, I had to make a decision. I had to decide that this wasn’t where it ends for me, something had to shift. First thing I needed to do was get to a computer, to apply for jobs. There was a library about a mile away from where we were. I got my daughter dressed and decided we would turn the walk into an adventure. Going to the library and filling out applications became our daily activity. I got to use the computer, and my daughter got to play with and learn to read books. I filled out about 20-30 applications everyday. Some places had to tell me I had already applied because I just would not stop sending my resume. After a few weeks, I got a call from a life insurance agency offering me a Admin position. I didn’t even ask the salary or wages, I just said “YES!”. The job was close to Olney, Maryland. At the time we were in Southeast, Washington D.C. Driving, it was about 40 minutes or so, but by public transportation it could take up to 2 hours. Even though, I had secured a job, I still needed to secure a daycare for my daughter. Luckily, I knew someone who connected me to a daycare in NW, DC that went according to your income. And since I technically did not have an income yet, once approved, she could attend for free. I didn’t care how this was going to get done, I just knew I had to do it. The train was too expensive, so we opted for all bus rides to get my daughter to daycare and then myself to work. We took a total of about 13 buses a day, with about half a mile of walking each trip. Just like with the library, I made our commute an adventure for her. We learned colors, animals, shapes, street signs, you name it, we were learning it. She thought we were on a road trip everyday. This was our life for about a year, until I made enough money to try and get a place of my own. We moved into our own space, and once I was able to maintain that, I worked on getting us a car. Maybe about two years later, we got a small car that got us from A to B. However our adventures didn’t stop, we still made everyday exciting. And I made sure my daughter never saw an ounce of worry or a sign of struggling. To her, we were living this extravagant life that was filled with so much fun and so many memories. Now to date, I use that experience to fuel my drive, my determination to never give up. Resilience is more than just pressing pass adversities. It’s really about making a conscious decision in your mind that your circumstance will not defeat you. That you will get up, and truly decide, that you will NOT give up. I didn’t know how strong I was, until being strong was the only option I had left. Not just for me, but for that little girl that was watching my every move. Till this day, everyday is STILL an adventure, and till this day, she is still watching me. She sees me as Superwoman and I see her as “my reason for it all”. She literally gave me light in my darkest hours. She birthed my resilience, and took it to new heights. No matter what you’re facing, as long as you have breath in your body, you have another chance to fight! You have another opportunity to turn it all around. Activate your faith and set that resilience in motion! There is a champion in all of us!
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