We were lucky to catch up with Tamara Johnson recently and have shared our conversation below.
Tamara, appreciate you joining us today. How did you come up with the idea for your business?
After saying “I do” in July 2013, I began my journey in the world of step-parenting. Juggling the exhausting struggles of being a step mommy with the pressures of blended family life, I was so ready to step away from my marriage. However, with the help of personal therapy, marriage counseling, prayer, new founded confidence, and self-care, I discovered the strength to continue in my truth. While healing, Stepmom Goals, LLC was unleashed from my heart. Focused on helping other stepmothers and bonus moms in their own escapades, I am determined to adjust their crowns daily.
Tamara, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
Stepmom Goals is not at all about perfection. The purpose of Stepmom Goals is to adjust the crowns of the brave souls who are stepping into the stepmother role. The content that is published daily on social media is to remind stepmothers and bonus mommies that their self-love is their first love. As a huge advocate of self-care, I encourage women to release what they cannot control in their blended families. I also am not afraid to expose the harsh truths of stepmom life to the rest of the world. For instance, a stepmom does not have to bond with her stepchildren. She does not have to shove her love around. Bonus moms and stepmothers are allowed to take their time and grow in love. If her love is instant, cool! If not, then it’s absolutely okay! A stepmother should never feel like she is auditioning or practicing a script to fit into the family. Oh and this wicked stepmom stuff. Pretty strange to me. She is not wicked. She may be at war with herself! She is not evil! She has unresolved childhood trauma. I am not trying to make excuses for anyone’s behavior, but we must remember that we are all human. No matter how big or small, a stepmother’s steps are valued.
As a creator of an affirmation journal for Stepmothers, I am hopeful that this little journal is for the brave stepmother who is ready to uncover her truth. Inside, there aren’t any lines. Each page is designed for her expression and release. Some days, she may want to draw. Other days, she may only have the strength to write down one word. There are also magical Stepmom affirmations that are tucked inside to uplift her as she adjusts her crown. No matter what, each page is a valuable documented gem of her extraordinary journey as a purposeful stepmother. Also, with the release of my children’s book, “Mama T and Me,” I invite readers to the lighter side of stepmom life that no one sees. Oh fun fact, my stepson calls me Mama T. At first, it was Mama Tam, but one day, he randomly changed it to Mama T because it sounds cooler.
Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?
Every single day, I am learning consistently how to walk purposely in my calling without getting so impatient with myself. Resilience is so important in this walk. Yes, some days may be extremely uncomfortable. Yes, there are times when unfamiliar feelings may arise. But this is all part of our growth in the step-mommyhood. Because I suffered in silence, I know how it feels to shrink myself. I know how it feels to not be emotionally safe in your own home. It is like no one understands. But I want to remind the hurting stepmom, that she is not alone. The hardest part of being a stepmom is lack. Lack of acknowledgment. Lack of appreciation. Lack of encouragement. Lack of respect. It hurts. It stings. But I know it changes. It just must. That is why I always encourage my stepmom and bonus mom tribe to hold on to their faith.
Yes, there may be days when a stepmom may rebuild herself. But she does not make herself small for others’ comfort. In this stepmom role, it is imperative that we truly know what our responsibility is. And being a superhero is not part of it. A stepmom is not a time traveler. She cannot read minds. And she does not wear a cape. Her role in her family will always be influential in her family. As a stepmom coach, I will continue to apply the pressure that a stepmom wants support, not the spotlight. Oh. And a stepmom is not a built-in babysitter, and she should not feel over-responsible. She is not anyone’s emotional cellmate. Through my journey, I learned to be resilient, but also not to be so rigid in my journey as a blooming woman. Because I am more than a stepmom.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
The biggest lesson that I had to learn as a stepmom is to not overplay my role. By overplaying my role, I struggled with perfectionism, comparison, guilt, and self-sacrifice. In my journey of 10 plus years, I had to unlearn and relearn my role as an intentional stepparent. For instance, while caring for a stepchild, a stepmom should try to unlearn the idea that she needs to constantly sacrifice her own needs and desires. What did I learn to do instead? Set boundaries. Practice self-care. Prioritize my physical and emotional well-being. While struggling with feelings of guilt, I had to unlearn that I must love my stepson as he is my own blood. No. I had to re-learn that love can be expressed in different ways which is key to fostering genuine connections. I had to also unlearn the bad habit of comparing myself to other moms and even stepmoms. Most importantly, I had to unlearn the idea of being a perfect stepparent. Striving for perfection can create unrealistic expectations and unnecessary pressure which can lead to frustration, bitterness, and great disappointment.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://stan.store/StepmomGoals
- Instagram: @Stepmomgoals_
- Facebook: Stepmom Goals
- Twitter: @stepomgoals