We recently connected with Suzanne Hagmaier and have shared our conversation below.

Suzanne, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.

On July 7, 2007 – 7-7-7 – at the age of 40, I got married in Vegas – it was both of our 2nd marriages and between the 2 of us, we had 3 teenagers, – a daughter & two sons. Once we got married, we decided that we really wanted to have a baby together.

We decided to go through in vitro and in order to do that, I needed to get a mammogram and a Pap test – to show that I was healthy. My Pap came back clean. My mammogram did not.

I was in shock. I had a daughter getting ready to graduate high school, my life was busy driving kids to football, baseball, and poms practices and I just decided to treat my diagnosis of breast cancer as if it was happening to someone else. And this someone else was getting a mastectomy and having the drains removed as quickly as possible so I could attend my daughters graduation.

I had a bilateral mastectomy with immediate reconstruction – I just wanted it over with and I didn’t want my kids to see me sick. So I did everything at once. 23 hours in the hospital and then home. I knew that I didn’t want my children to see me differently. I just wanted my life to continue like nothing was happening. And it did. Although we never ended up having that baby, we see that baby as saving my life. If I hadn’t wanted to have a baby so desperately, I never would have gone in for my mammogram so readily.

Fast forward three years – I’m sitting in the car with my daughter and I find a lump in my neck. After an ultrasound, an MRI and a PET scan, we learned that my cancer had metastasized. I had chemo every other week for 16 weeks and 25 rounds of radiation.

At my last treatment, I met Theresa. She was just starting on her treatments and she was there by herself. We started talking and I told her I’d come back and sit with her. So, I did! And then I met other women and started sitting with them. I went back to that chemo room every other Thursday and sat with people for almost 2 years. I thought I was doing it for me at the time – by going to the chemo room, I was somehow continuing to fight my cancer even though I didn’t need chemo. But I had no idea of the impact I was having on others.

In February 2015, a few of us, attended a Hope Held by a Horse program. I actually agreed to go for the other women. I didn’t think I needed it – but I was happy to support my survivor sisters. Truth be told, I had no idea that horses were used in therapy and for their healing powers. I thought we were going to be there for the camaraderie, going on trail rides. But it wasn’t about riding the horses – it was about connecting with them and taking them through our journey.

When the event started, I was teamed up with a partner. We were being goofy and laughing and just having fun. But then we were told by the facilitator to look into ourselves. And I immediately started crying, blubbering crying. And this enormous beast of a horse comes to me and lowers her face right down into my chest. I immediately felt so safe; unconditional love. I had no idea that this would happen, but I felt as if this animal could feel what I was going through. It was extremely emotional and overwhelming.

The interesting thing was that I didn’t even know I had to heal until I attended Hope Held by a Horse. I had gone through cancer looking in at myself as a separate person. All along people said I was so brave, I was so amazing. And I never understood it, I never tapped into what I needed – not until Hope Held by a Horse did I realize what I went through, that I had survived cancer twice.

This program also gave me a confidence I didn’t know existed. At one point, I was teamed up with Sonia (another breast cancer survivor) and we were told to make an obstacle course that shadowed our lives. Sonia put up an obstacle representing her diagnosis and I said, “Hey – we need to make that bigger!” So, we added more obstacles to make it higher. It was a great exercise – it made us visually see these enormous obstacles that we had been through. But little did we know that once we were finished building the course, we actually would have to lead a horse through it. I thought, “Are they crazy?” So, Sonia and I led Fargo, our horse, through the obstacles. He just followed us and we were shocked. I remember being so excited. Oh my god! We are doing this!! We got through these obstacles and now we are getting this huge horse through these obstacles. I felt as if we could do anything now. We are not broken. We are okay and we will be ok. It was truly magical! At this time, we didn’t know Sonia’s obstacles were getting bigger. She found out after the program that her cancer had metastasized. Her horse gave her the strength to help her husband and children learn to live without her. Sonia passed on June 1, 2016.

I realized after the Hope Held by a Horse program that if I can lead a horse, I certainly could take on new challenges, like a triathlon. I ended up training and completing a triathlon and coming in 2nd place in my age group. I’ve now completed the triathlon 3 years in a row. I went back to school to receive my Profit, Non-Profit Management Certificate. Breast cancer takes a lot of confidence from you. It changes your physical image and how you’re going to live with your new body. I didn’t know how much my confidence was shaken until Hope Held by A Horse. And now, I have a new sense of self-confidence.

Since the program, I also cannot live without horses. When I came back home after the program, my husband saw something new in me. He saw that I was full of life again. I finally realized that I could have died! But now I have a life to live. All these amazing changes would not have been possible without Hope Held by a Horse. So, for my birthday that year I got my first horse! I have 5 horses!! I am now a Certified Gestalt Coach and have become the President/Executive Director of Hope Held by a Horse. I am incredibly honored to be a part of this organization and provide a healing experience to other survivors.

I am back to being me, I have found my new normal, and I have rediscovered my true self again. I have a new lease on life and I know that this would not be possible without the incredible, magical work of Hope Held by a Horse.

Suzanne, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?

Originally from Pittsburgh, Pa. I moved to the Denver area in 1994. I’m a 2 time breast cancer survivor throughout my journey of cancer I’ve volunteered for several different organizations. I’ve been involved with Hope Held by a Horse for a few years now and currently I am the President and Executive Director of the Organization. Hope Held by a Horse, in the company of horses, provides healing to those affected by breast cancer. Women of all ages, shapes and sizes at any stage of diagnosis come to us to help them in their journey find their new normal. The horses are an integral part of this experience. They teach us to live in the present moment and to be our authentic self. We provide this service free to breast cancer survivors.

Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?

Training and knowledge are definitely a necessity. I also believe being a good listener has helped these women heal. Many times people just need someone to listen, not solve, simply listen. They have the answers inside themselves it’s just outside their awareness.

If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?

Absolutely, without question I would choose the same profession. My job is so rewarding, I truly love what I do. I have never felt why me, I have found my journey through breast cancer to be somewhat of a blessing in disguise. Without my diagnosis I would not have built the friendships and formed the bonds with such courageous, strong, brave warriors and horses! I have found my passion and my purpose!!

Contact Info:

• Website: www.hopeheldbyahorse.org
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hopeheldbyahorse/?hl=en
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hopeheldbyahorse/
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/hopeheldbyhorse