We recently connected with Susan Van Note and have shared our conversation below.
Susan, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Was there a moment in your career that meaningfully altered your trajectory? If so, we’d love to hear the backstory.
Yes, a defining moment for my trajectory was when I was literally stopped in my tracks.
In 2015, I had moved from Denver to Washington, DC to be with someone with whom I had fallen in love. But within weeks of arriving, red flags began to appear. I made excuses for each thing because I really believed he was the person with whom I would spend the rest of my life. I’d jumped through hoops to make this move — I’d sold my home, left my friends, and heartbroken, left my son who had decided last minute to take a gap year before college. I’d started a new Massage/Craniosacral Therapy business in this new city, and I believed we could make it work.
But within a couple of months of relocating, it became clear to me I was in a toxic, abusive relationship. I felt anxious and fearful that anything I might say or do would set off my partner into a rage — putting flatware in the dishwasher facing the wrong direction, hanging pots on the pot hanger in the wrong order, leaving my water bottle on the dining room table.
Essentially, my nervous system was responding as if I was living in a war zone, waiting for the next surprise attack of yelling and name calling or silent treatment.
My attention was not on myself, but on my environment, my partner’s facial expressions, constantly scanning for clues of what was to come, being vigilant to say and do things “right” — to not cause an outburst. It was as if I was like living in a minefield and existing in the ancient limbic part of my brain — in survival.
Some who read this may recognize these symptoms as textbook signs of Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome, which is difficult to identify when you’re the one experiencing it. The behavior is insidious and the negative behavior begins slowly and intermittently. By the time you’re aware something isn’t right, you’re already trauma-bonded and believe you’re committed to the relationship.
On April 13, 2017, while riding on the back of his motorcycle at Joshua Tree National Park— a “vacation” my intuition warned me to avoid, we T-boned a car that was doing a U-turn in the middle of the road.
IT WAS AS IF I WAS LITERALLY STOPPED IN MY TRACKS
Although the accident resulted in me breaking my foot, wrist, and a rib, it was this accident that also saved my life and set me on a clear personal and professional path.
After several days on pain medication, I returned to DC. My abusive partner was suddenly attentive, kind and loving, and I was all too ready to forget the past and believe he’d had a change of heart. I allowed myself to enjoy his attention and trust him… for two glorious weeks, until the abusive behavior started again.
We were getting ready to go to his country house in Virginia for the weekend and he asked me to pack the cooler while he took care of some business. I did my best with limited use of my arms and foot, and in the hurry to beat rush hour traffic, I forgot to pack the milk. He was enraged. He couldn’t count on me for anything — everything was always on his shoulders. He raged for miles and then refused to talk to me, and I felt myself afraid again. I was confused — was he right about me? Was I the cause for his behavior?
The cognitive dissonance, confusion and brain fog was muddying my ability to think clearly. The anxiety and depression from feeling that I couldn’t trust my own thoughts was back with a vengence.
MY RECOVERY
When we returned to the city, I scheduled two Feldenkrais sessions per week to help me recover from my injuries. Feldenkrais is a type of somatic physical therapy—a method I had already enrolled to do a professional training in. I figured it was an opportunity to experience the work on a deep personal level. I knew I needed to become physically self-sufficient as quickly as possible so that I could resume my work as a massage therapist and not be dependent on him.
Some sessons were almost magical — I felt such increased mobility and lack of pain that I had to pinch myself to believe the improvement I experienced was possible. Each sesson was different from the one before, and I had varying results. But cumulatively, the improvements and physical healing steadily continued.
Three months later, by the end of July, I was no longer in pain and I had recovered much of my mobility and function. Gradually, I was able to resume my usual client load. I continued my sessons for another month and I kept improving physically.
THE MOST SURPRISING EFFECT
But the most surprising effect was that I no longer felt like my chest and throat were constricted from the daily stress I endured. I was able to breathe more freely and easily. I had mental clarity and I felt generally calmer.
While I still lived with my partner, my usual confusion and self doubt disappeared. I could identify his disempowering tactics, including gas lighting, and see his erratic behavior more clearly. I stopped blaming myself for being in the situation and was able to use my rational mind to plan my next step.
My own inner voice became louder and it told me to get out. I began to trust that I’d be okay on my own. I sensed visceral discomfort when he was intermittently “loving,” and I started to notice when I began to creep back into denial. I became more and more grounded in my body and more trusting of what I felt inside. I felt connected to my own body. I could sleep. I was developing the ability to feel myself, and the clarity to trust my thoughts and to leave a situation that would certainly have killed me.
Six months after the accident, while he was out of town, I left.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
Hi, I’m Susan and I’m a trauma-informed somatic practitioner. But my career path has been a winding one.
I graduated from college with a BFA in graphic design, back in the days when design and page layouts were done on a drawing board, with paper and technical pens! I worked in publishing for 15 years, both in NYC and WDC, for magazines and on my own, as a consultant. I loved the world of publishing!
As a mom of three—boy/girl twins and a younger boy—and wife of an international consultant, we moved across the country several times during a 10 year period: from Washington, DC to Denver, to Newburyport, MA, and back to Colorado.
During this time, a fellow mom-friend introduced to what would become my new passion: the world of yoga! During the next several years I became a certified yoga instructor and studied with a number of well-known teachers, including Rolf Gates, Baron Baptiste, Bikram, Shiva Rea, and John Friend.
I loved and was intrigued by anatomy and movement, and as my graphics business began to wind down, I transitioned into teaching yoga part time and caring for my 3 children.
Years later, while going through a divorce, I realized I needed to create a steady income stream. So I enrolled in training programs and became certified in Therapeutic massage, Thai yoga massage and Prenatal massage.
THE BRAIN + THE NERVOUS SYSTEM
It wasn’t until a couple of years later when I began a 2-year training in Biodynamic Craniosacral therapy, that I discovered the value and importance of working with the brain and nervous system in order to heal chronic pain and tension effectively.
Craniosacral therapy is a is a gentle form of bodywork that helps to release tension held deep within the nervous system so that the rest of your body can relax and start to heal from the inside out.
Fast forward several years — my 3 kids were now in college and I moved to Washington, DC for a new relationship. While working on Capitol Hill, in my Massage / Craniosacral therapy practice, I found myself referring many of my clients to a somatic practitioner who used a method called Feldenkrais® to help people find relief from chronic pain.
As a massaage therapist, I could help my clients feel calm, relaxed, and even release troublesome, tight muscle tension. But the benefits lasted only a day or two.
But Adrienne, my Feldenkrais practitioner, was able to unravel chronic musculoskeletal pain that a person had experienced for years—even decades—permanently. She was my “go-to” person for maintaining my own body.
FELDEN-WHAT??
The Feldenkrais Method® works with a person’s brain and nervous system while the practitioner makes small, gentle movements with your body. As you’re being gently moved, your brain registers sensory information, and it identifies the most efficient, easiest way to move. In the process, unconsciously held muscular contractions—muscle contractions and tension you didn’t even know you were holding—are released spontaneously.
For many years, dancers, musicians and athletes, particularly in NYC, have known about Feldenkrais to help them heal from injuries, and reach their optimal physical performance. But other than certain pockets of people who rely on their bodies to be highly functioning, the method is not well known.
(And to be honest, the strange name doesn’t help!)
Dr. Moshe Feldenkrais, was a mechanical and electrical engineer, earned a D.Sc in physics from the Sorbonne, was a soccer player and had a black belt in judo. Basically, he was brilliant.
Dr. Feldenkrais began to develop his method when he was faced with a knee injury that threatened his ability to function. He applied his knowledge of physics, body mechanics, neurology, learning theory and psychology to a new understanding of human function as he healed his knee when doctors told him his chances of walking again were 50%. In developing his work, Feldenkrais studied anatomy, physiology, child development, movement science, evolution, psychology, and a number of Eastern awareness practices and other somatic approaches.
While I was living and practicing in Washington, DC, I was fortunate to study with one of Dr. Feldenkrais’s original students and a living legend in the field, David Zemach-Bersin, for 4 years in the Feldenkrais NYC professional training program.
THE BRAIN IN THE CONTROLLER OF THE BODY
Now, as a trauma-informed Somatic practitioner, I never cease to be surprised and amazed at the innate inteligence of the human brain and nervous system.
The brain is the controller of the entire body. The brain tells us when to breathe in and out and how much oxygen we need at any given moment. The brain tells our organs how and when to function.
And the brain monitors our muscle tension — when to contract and when to let go, when to stabilize parts that have been compromised by injury and when it’s safe to relax.
We can apply pressure to, or stretch the muscles, and they’ll release. But within a short timeframe, they go right back to their habitual “patterns” of contraction because this is how the brain has “wired” them. The muscles are only following the brain’s orders.
But when you work with the root of the “muscle tension” issue—the brain—the muscle tension that has been part of your life for months or years, or even, decades, will let go.
When you work with your brain and nervous system, new healthier neural pathways override the old, unconscious, habitual pathways.
As I continue to help clients find relief for chronic pain, I’ve made an important observation about the human nervous system overall:
Emotional tension = physical tension.
What this means is that so many people live with chronic stress and anxiety and overwhelm. But most of us have never been taught how to regulate this in a significant way. We can try to “manage” our stressful feelings or distract ourselves by having a couple of glasses of wine or going for a run or taking a yoga class or even scrolling on our phones. But actually changing the neural pathways of stress and anxiety is not something most of us know how to do. And why would we?!
SYMPTOMS OF CHRONIC STRESS, ANXIETY AND OVERWHELM
Familiar symptoms of a dysregulated nervous system are things like shallow breathing, rapid heart rate, sweaty palms, grinding our teeth, digestive issues like Crohn’s Disease and IBS, migraines, and so on.
But chronic muscle tension like jaw pain, neck and shoulder pain, back pain, lower back pain, hip pain, etc. is quite often caused by a chronically dysregulated nervous system as well.
One of the most common ways we humans experience anxiety or unresolved trauma in our bodies is CONTRACTION.
As I’ve learned about this, both personally and with my clients, it’s become clear to me that working with physical symptoms of chronic pain is only part of the solution. Learning how to release the anxiety or overwhelm through the body, brain and nervous system is the pathway for lasting change.
As a “trauma-informed somatic practitioner,” I have a toolbox of effective somatic exercises and practices to work with people living with chronic pain and anxiety get out of pain for good and get back to living their lives and doing the activities they love.
Some of my favorite somatic tools include: Feldenkrais, Havening Techniques, Craniosacral Therapy, and Therapeutic Massage.
My newest training is in Somatic Experiencing®, a method designed to release trauma from a person’s body and nervous system, created by Dr. Peter Levine, an internationally respected author and teacher. I’m halfway through this 3-year program.
How is working with me different than with other practitioners?
CHRONIC PAIN SYMPTOMS
When people have chronic pain, they usually seek treatment from their doctors or specialists for a particular part of their body. That medical specialist focuses on that specific body part and usually offers either surgery, medication or advises a person to go to physical therapy. The physical therapist will focus on that specific body part, or attached parts, and advise stretching, strengthening, deep pressure and exercises. A massage therapist will offer some movement, pressure and stretching.
All of the above can be helpful to some degree, but isolating and focusing on one body part often doesn’t address the root of the problem in terms of being functional and painfree. And often the pain will reappear within a few weeks or months.
My focus is on the whole person and how all “the parts” work together as one whole, integrated, moving system. Instead of isolating specific body parts, I work with the brain and nervous system through movement and attention to sensation.
CHRONIC ANXIETY, STRESS AND OVERWHELM / NERVOUS SYSTEM REGULATION

Similarly, when people suffer from chronic anxiety, stress and overwhelm, they often seek help from a psychotherapist. Again, this is helpful and can also be co-regulating for your nervous system to work with someone who you trust. The thing is, you can’t regulate your nervous system by only talking about it — that would be like talking about exercising and expecting to get fit. You have to actually practice the somatic tools and exercises to shift your nervous system on a physical level, or receive hands-on trauma-informed bodywork to support you in this shift.
When anxiety, stress and overwhelm is addressed on a nervous system, physical level, chronic pain symptoms often begin to lessen or go away completely over time.
I’m so lucky to have had two very different, fulfilling career paths in my life. Although my first career was in design, I feel the work I do now— connecting with another person’s nervous system, and watching as their system moves in the direction of health before my very eyes— is the most creative and sacred work I could ever imagine doing. Every day I’m grateful for my practice and my clients.
As a somatic practitioner, I help people reduce or eliminate chronic pain and regulate their nervous systems so that they can feel like their true selves again.
How’d you build such a strong reputation within your market?
My teacher David Zemach Bersin once said: “It’s your ability to turn towards your own sensation that brings another to sense himself.”
This means that in order for a practitioner to be able to really sense and feel what is going on within another human being’s nervous system and body, you have to be able to clearly know where your own sensations and boundaries are. You have to regularly practice the work you offer to others on yourself in order to be effective.
When someone works with me, they have my complete attention and my intention is to connect with them as a whole human being and with their nervous system.
Many times a person will come into my office and when I ask them how they want to feel after their session, they downplay what they really want. They throw obstacles into their own path. They’re afraid to ask for too much, maybe because they’ve been disappointed in the past or they feel they’re beyond healing.
My job is to hold space for them so they can imagine allowing a little bit more each time. I give them a taste of what it feels like to feel better, so that they open their minds to the possibility of more and more healing. It’s often not the person’s physical ability to heal that is the problem, but their mental limitations. I hold the space for them on their healing path and they feel that.
I’m grateful for the experiences I’ve been through in my own life. Although not always pleasant at the time, these have opened the door for me to find the methods that I find most effective. And the fact that I’ve experienced trauma and physical issues of my own, allow me to believe in the potential for my own clients’ healing, without a doubt .
My clients feel this. And my reputation is built one client, one moment at a time.
Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?
In some ways I feel like I’m constantly pivoting. I feel like every entrepreneur can relate to that!
But, like so many others, at the beginning of the pandemic, I had to make a major pivot.
Suddenly I couldn’t work with clients in person so I had to think quickly of ways to bring in some income.
And even more critical was that I had a number of clients who depended on me to help decrease their stress with bodywork, and now they had no one to help them.
One aspect the Feldenkrais Method® is group classes. These are normally taught in person, often at a yoga-type studio, and students would lie on a mat on the floor as the instructor leads them through a series of developmentally sequenced, slow, gentle movements to help reduce chronic musculoskeletal pain.
I’d never taught a class, and quite frankly, wasn’t interested in ever teaching one. I was always more interested in the 1:1 hands-on work. And besides, I was still in the middle of my training.
But I thought to myself, “why don’t I offer classes for free to everyone on my mailing list and see if anyone shows up?”
So I started offering classes 2x/week in early April 2020, and have been teaching weekly classes, both in person, and on Zoom ever since!
It turns out I LOVE teaching these classes and in some ways, believe the classes to be more effective than private sessions for some people because my clients are empowered to work with their own bodies vs relying on a practitioner.
I always give my private clients audio recordings as homework to help them reinforce the new healthy neural pathways between private sessions.
Teaching classes has been great because clients from Washington, DC, Washington state, Denver, Oregon and California can all join together — some of my favorite people all together on one screen!
Contact Info:
- Website: www.restorewithawareness.com
- Instagram: @restore.with.awareness
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/restorewithawareness/
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/susanvannote/
- Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/restore-with-awareness-san-diego?osq=restore+with+awareness
- Other: https://insighttimer.com/restorewithawareness or a FREE audio recording that will help you soothe your nervous system and feel physically relaxed and mentally calmer and clearer, go here and click on button: https://restorewithawareness.com/
Image Credits
© 2005, Rosalie O’Connor. Used with permission of the Feldenkrais Guild® of North America. 2. Headshot: Erin Cox Photography 3. @teresawoodphotography