Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Stephanie Shapiro. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Stephanie, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today We’d love to hear about the things you feel your parents did right and how those things have impacted your career and life.
When I first learned that I had the opportunity to speak on my past and share some of my life experiences, I was absolutely thrilled (and still am!). My immediate thoughts evolved into, “but I have so much I want to share!” This was a good exercise for me; to sit with my thoughts and prioritize some of the most defining lessons I have acquired through my life experiences. I realized that even though I had what I consider a “difficult childhood,” my development still remains one of the most important parts of my life, and have defined the exact person I am today.
I am blessed to be raising three young children along with my loving and supportive husband, and I still find myself to be learning new things about parenting all the time as well as learning new things about each of my children. I often have break-through moments when I imagine my parents doing that same thing for me when I was a child and feel thankful to them- for things that have literally never crossed my mind until then. A silly memory that comes to mind was when my daughters were 3 and 1 (and I was pregnant with my 3rd), and I took them to the Nebraska Zoo. It is a wonderful place with such unique experiences. At one point I was becoming so exhausted from pushing their stroller around the zoo- it had been something like 5 hours at that point!!! I instantly called my mom and said, “Mom, thanks for pushing me around in my stroller when I was little. I am just realizing how tiring that must have been for you, thank you,” and we both laughed. But it is true, parents really have it hard at times. It’s not like our kids come with instruction manuals… could you imagine? “Page 6 is on your individual child’s personality. Page 18 is how to get them to listen to you.” I’ve come to appreciate that it is a gift and privilege of this life that we have the opportunity and independence to raise our children as we like and see fit. Both the good and bad, if you let it, can be an opportunity of growth and development for both your child and you.
I was exposed to different forms of trauma from a young age. Yet, I have come to realize that even those with difficult pasts can survive and thrive when certain characteristics are instilled and utilized, and for that I owe thanks to my parents. Here is what I consider to be the attributes that I owe my entrepreneurship and successes to:
It is important to recognize that I am a first born. As a first born, I was tasked with a sense of responsibility for myself and my younger siblings and therefore was exposed to decisions that my siblings were not. Being in that role not only forced me to learn how to take initiative and navigate the world independently, but I was enmeshed with positive values from both my parents, similarly like their liaison. Ultimately, it contributed to foundational pillars of my self-esteem.
As early as infancy, we instinctually develop a sense of self and eventually an inner narrative, known as self-talk. Through navigating crisis and through experiences, we create understandings of our world and who we are. A child’s development is heavily persuaded by their caregivers, then by their peers, and eventually through our relationships. How we see ourselves is shaped by our interactions with others and our self-talk. If we were conditioned to think we have no control over our own lives, and that people see us in a way we are ashamed of, then we internalize those feelings, whereby it comes out in our interactions and the decisions we make. On the contrary, I was tasked to keep myself and my siblings safe and that mission had become internalized in a way that I knew I was supposed to keep pushing through and take charge to curate my successes. At times, I was their source of comfort and their safety, both emotionally and physically. Thereby becoming my right to be safe and to have my basic needs met. It didn’t always feel that way, and did not mean others would contribute to it, but I began to learn how to effectively navigate my world and become resourceful. And I never stopped trying. I absorbed the traits of resiliency and grit from my parents. My father passed when I was 22 and was chronically ill for about 10 years before that. Although his life was restricted heavily by his illnesses, he was the epitome of the characteristics of a close-knit family and what it takes to upkeep and nurture familial relationships. He represented the importance of protecting the family bond, not letting anything come in the way of my relationship with my family. He instilled the importance of spending quality time with them, as well as the importance of responsibility. With that comes loyalty, ethics on working hard, and the importance of respect. My parents divorced when I was 12, right around the time my father became ill. It had forced my mother to work all sorts of long hours to support our family on what was now a single-income household.
There were times that we didn’t have food to eat and there were times that I, at the age of 12, had to take care of my three younger siblings while she worked until late hours of the night. I would do it all again. I recall so many nights feeling scared and needing my parents, especially my mom. Some of the most powerful moments we had together was when she was able to lay with me at night. Sometimes she would read to me and sometimes she would just rub my back, but most importantly she was there. That was enough to keep me going. Although at times things were insanely frightening, I had already begun to demonstrate resiliency, grit, and mental toughness. As I grew and my father remained very ill, I became the caretaker for him. In hindsight, I can see that that role helped me feel as though I was making a valuable contribution on a path that was out of my control.
I am now established in my career as a psychotherapist, proudly participating in a private practice setting, located in Ridgewood, NJ. I deeply believe that by developing my inner ego-structure around the importance of my contributions, that it is the foundation to why I do what I do today. In reflection, feeling that my contributions are meaningful has helped me develop my sense of self, for the first time in the way that I had intended it to. Those characteristics are foundational to my self-esteem and self-talk. It even fostered creativity and curiosity, at times.
It will come as no surprise to you that no matter how busy I am, I always make it a priority to lay with my kids at night. To let them feel my emotional and physical presence. To tuck them in, rub their back, and to talk about their day. I spend a tremendous effort trying to instill a sense of safety and a healthy balance of responsibility, mental toughness, and healthy self-talk within each of them. I remind them often that they are problem solvers and that they will create the life they want for themselves. I try to boost their curiosity about the world and boost their inspiration and awe about the things around them. Most of all, I try to let them be kids.
Today, as an adult, I feel free and capable, knowing that I can shape my life into what I need for myself and my family. I can take initiative, I can be resourceful, with God’s help and influence I am the one that determines my next steps. To know that I am loved and matter, to know I can push through, and problem solve anything that comes my way, and to be able to extract the energy and grit to push through it, has literally saved my life.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
Stephanie is proudly distinguished as a psychotherapist in a private practice, located in Ridgewood, NJ. She obtained her License in social work in 2015 and currently is completing her dissertation to earn a PhD. Post graduate, Stephanie has obtained a certification as a Certified Clinical Specialist in the diagnosis and treatment of ADD/HD as well as being certified in Nutrition and Mental Health.
Stephanie’s expertise is demonstrated through her work with young adults, families and couples. She is recognized for building strong and long lasting skills with her clients to succeed in life. Stephanie is an expert in treating anxiety, ADD/HD, depression, as well as repairing and growing through relationship difficulties. A full list of specialties can be found on our website at www.drsamvonreiche.com.
In addition to her work with her clients, Stephanie’s reputation is known for her work in the field, for being a guiding energy for her clients, and for her contributions to major advancements in mental health developments. Stephanie founded and led the development of the Diagnostic and Symptom Calculator [DSC], which has revolutionized the way accurate diagnoses are established around the world. Stephanie’s work will reflect brilliance in her approach and the depth to which she reaches the underlying causes in a person’s struggles.
What’s been the most effective strategy for growing your clientele?
Reputation and credibility are everything. Work hard to build your reputation and credibility- it is tied to most things that you do. The benefits (or consequences) can be seen almost immediately. It doesn’t mean that you will always make the right decision, but showing others that you know what to do when you’ve made a mistake, is a valuable piece to building your credibility and reputation. No matter the business, people entrust their time and well-being with you. Their time and energy is precious, treat it as such.
In my field especially, others may feel vulnerable by entrusting you with their most personal experiences. I know that I have built a strong reputation when my clients know how much I care about their well-being and success. They know that I will be transparent with how I can/can not help them. This is a small but integral part of building the strong relationships I have in my life.
Think about what you want your reputation to be. Think about what it would look like to demonstrate that reputation in a variety of settings, including the easy and difficult ones. Be sure to show compassion, be present, show others you care.
Both your reputation and credibility are the hardest to build back once lost, so be sure to take care of it and protect it the most.
Training and knowledge matter of course, but beyond that what do you think matters most in terms of succeeding in your field?
At the start of every session, I am transparent about setting goals with my clients. The goals are as much for the client as it is for me. It helps define our work, helps the client see their progress, and as important, reflect on what they struggle to make progress in. Goals help ensure that the therapeutic relationship focuses on what the client needs and keeps sessions on track. Most important, goals help a person know when they are done with therapy. Ending therapy should be celebrated and recognized and should not cause the person to disappear into the night. Every client and therapist should know when they are ready to exit the therapeutic process, and be able to discuss it openly. When you think about your therapy goals, ask yourself: How do I know I am done with therapy? What will that look like and feel like… What will I feel or not feel… How do I know I am making progress? Most important, as the therapist, we should not be setting any goals with the client that is outside of our area of expertise. There is nothing worse than for a person to feel like they have been in therapy for a long time and haven’t made progress. It is our responsibility to share what is within our scope of practice and stay competent in our area of focus. Clients will appreciate knowing what they can and cannot get from their therapy experience. In fact, it is fundamental to their growth.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.drsamvonreiche.com