We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Sharmarr Singleton Sr. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Sharmarr below.

Sharmarr, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. How did you come up with the idea for your business?

At the age of 19, I had my twins, a girl and a boy. My relationship with my kids’ mother was challenging to say the least so we parted ways early on with the understanding that I wanted to be an active participant in my kids’ lives. I paid my mandatory child support, but because we were such young parents, the financial strain of the twins required my childrens’ mom to utilize government assistance. We agreed that I would continue paying my child support, but I would pay her directly, instead of using the child support system, as not to increase her reportable income, thus potentially affecting her assistance. We also had an understanding that once she was established and “on her feet” she would credit all the child support I had already paid. Nine years went by with our arrangement, and I was ready to move forward in my life and get married. I wanted to put past debts behind me, including the back child support that I owed according to the state. I reached out to my kids’ mom to ask her to credit what I had paid, as per our agreement, but she refused, and said it was a gift. The communication and co-parenting was forever damaged. It was at that time that I started studying the child support system inside and out. I became a certified mediator and started helping other parents resolve their issues with each other all while I was still dealing with my own challenges. After back and forth in courts, I was emotionally and mentally drained, and ultimately, the judge ruled against me. I got stuck with $50,000 in back child support that I had technically already paid over the years. There was nothing more that I could do other than to pay $5000 dollars a week until the balance was paid in full so that I could enter into my marriage without unnecessary debt from my past. After I finished making the payments, I had a sudden realization, what if I wasn’t able to make the payments? What if there are other people in similar situations? That’s when this idea was born. I realized my situation is unique in the sense that I truly did not owe the money that I paid, however there are still men that owe back child support, but will most likely never be able to pay it off for various reasons. How does this unpaid debt affect the family? The child? Does it affect co-parenting? I knew after my own challenges, there was such a strain it put on my co-parenting relationship and ultimately my kids, that I did not want other people to suffer the same fate.

With this business I hoped to redefine what child support means. There is so much more that goes into supporting a child than money, and both parents play such a pivotal role in the upbringing of children. Some people are unable to make payments that are court ordered, but they still want to be present parents. Other parents can make payments, but they are never present. Both are equally as harmful to the child. Mothers and fathers provide the child a well-roundedness that allow children to become the best versions of themselves. With constant back and forth arguing, there is no way the children can benefit. That is why I came up with The Family Pact, a therapy program that helps co-parents to develop tools for better communication and coparenting that prepares them for negotiations in mediation. Identical Solutions is the mediation company I developed where we specialize in group mediation, a concept that has not been done before. The idea is to allow for parents going through similar coparenting challenges to mediate with their co-parenting partner to come up with creative solutions on how each parent can support their child. With the group atmosphere, parents can understand that their feelings are valid and experienced by other parents going through similar challenges, and the idea is to lean on others for support and ideas on how to best negotiate with their coparenting partner, while never feeling alone or isolated in the process. With them having gone through the therapy program prior to mediation, their perspective on how to navigate challenging discussions should be less daunting since they have each had an opportunity over 5-6 weeks to dive deep into the root of their problems with one another that are affecting their coparenting.

Ultimately, my situation has ended with my kids living with me full-time, and I receive monetary child support from their mother, but the challenges with co-parenting remain the same because we did not have a program like The Family Pact and a company like Identical Solutions. My goal is for other parents to have a better outcome than mine because I know as parents, we all love our kids, and our hope is that everyone feels the same way we do. When we became parents, we envisioned a life for our kids that included both parents equally playing a role in their lives and developing an emotional connection. Money, while it provides the basics, does not complete a parent’s role. That is why it is so important for kids to have their parents in their lives to provide both roles. By incorporating our services while dealing with family issues, parents can resolve conflict, promote healthy communication, and raise successful and emotionally strong and intelligent kids.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

Identical Solutions is a business that offers group and traditional mediation services where parents can come together and negotiate an individualized plan on how to care for their child. I realized the importance of mediation as I went through the family court system at such a young age feeling intimidated by the process. My goal with my business is to help both parents navigate peaceful and meaningful negotiations through effective communication keeping children at the center of our values.

The Family Pact is a business that offers specialized therapy services for coparents. There is a total of 5 weeks of therapy, broken into group and private therapy sessions to offer a safe space to discuss coparenting challenges. Unlike traditional therapy, there is associated coursework in preparation for each week of therapy that help develop and teach tools for effective communication and coparenting. Additionally, we offer a personality test that compares traits of both parents. At the conclusion of the test, parents will be able to compare their personality traits, allowing the coparenting partners to have more insight into one another and how they think. The goal here is to encourage understanding amonst the parents so that they might derive a better understanding of the perspective of their coparenting partner. Our belief is building tools, being open-minded, and having a willingness to understand other perspectives leads to better outcomes.

Parents will utilize the Family Pact Therapy program to develop the skills for better coparenting and at the conclusion, they will be ready to go to Identical Solutions to mediate an individualized agreement that works with both parents. Our philosphy is that once people have had an opportunity to work through their coparenting relationship problems with one another in therapy, they will have smoother and more successful outcomes in mediation. We want to help people find “identical solutions” to raise their child(ren).

Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?

Navigating the court system alone with little knowledge and experience and having a negative outcome, yet using a negative outcome to build two businesses that will ultimately help others from suffering the same fate shows my resilience. I did not let the ruling deter me or make me bitter, instead I channeled that negativity and turned it into one of my greatest ideas. I am so proud of what I built because I know it came from a place of hardship, but it has turned into something bigger than me.

Are there any books, videos, essays or other resources that have significantly impacted your management and entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy?

A book called “Never Split the Difference” by Chris Voss is one of the books that helped me develop my entrepreneurial thinking and philosophy with regards to negotiations. The book discusses effective ways to negotiate without compromising your personal interests. It also discusses understanding the opposing sides challenges and issues, and the effect that a different perspective might have on offers that are made.

Contact Info:

• Website: thefamilypact.com
• Other: identicalsolutions.com

Image Credits
Tyson Pough Photography Kezia Georgy Photography