We were lucky to catch up with Selena Soni recently and have shared our conversation below.

Selena, thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Can you share a story about the kindest thing someone has done for you and why it mattered so much or was so meaningful to you?

II have to be truthful. I think I’ve been very fortunate to have met so many kind and generous people in my life. It’s difficult to narrow the gratitude, but I can tell you about my first memory of unconditional kindness. It happened when I was six years old–some time in the 80’s.
As a kid, my parents loved to take me camping. Most summers we’d drive to California to see aunts, uncles, and cousins. My parents, having been teenagers when I was born, didn’t have a ton of money, but I sure didn’t realize that then.

The summer of my sixth birthday, my parents had an incredibly cool 1972 VW bus. This bus took us all the way down to Central California, but it didn’t quite get us back to Portland, Oregon. Somewhere in the redwoods, in the early evening, the engine seized. Our VW bus that had brought us so far that summer barely limped us to the parking lot of an all night diner.

As I mentioned before, we didn’t have much money. We had literally $10 left from our trip, just enough for the gas home. Our $10 wasn’t enough for a tow truck let alone a mechanic. So my dad opened up the engine and started to work on it.

It’s at this point that the real magic happens. The diner’s nightshift cook came outside for a quick smoke break. He saw my dad working on the car and offered to take us to his house so we’d have a place to sleep for the night. He brought us to his home and went back to work. We stayed at a stranger’s house overnight, his wife fed us dinner and breakfast, I played with his kids, and mid-morning, after a short nap, the cook did something even more extraordinary. He got in his truck and towed our 1972 VW bus for twelve hours all the way back to Portland, Oregon.

This man took his day off to drive us over 700 miles; then, with a thermos of coffee my mom made for him and $20 my parents had as emergency cash in the house, he turned around. He asked for nothing in return, waved us goodbye, and we never saw him again.

This experience is something my parents and I still talk about to this day. How could that have even been real? Who would bring strangers back to their home? We’d often come back to these questions and laugh–the answer is his kindness. I have life long gratitude for this stranger. His kindness got us home. So let’s all be kind and be more like that night shift cook.

Selena, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I opened MUV Counseling with the goal of bringing Walk + Talk therapy to Scottsdale. Why walk + talk? Because getting out of the office is something I saw clients benefiting from, but many organizations and insurance companies wouldn’t consider it.
When I opened MUV Counseling, I’d been in practice for 15 years, which helped me know what I loved about therapy–seeing committed clients thrive. It also showed me what I didn’t want to do anymore, be a generalist. MUV gave me the opportunity to take all the great things I had learned from other clinical settings and focus on clients struggling to overcome loss of self, find their way through a life transition, address their anxiety, and develop coping skills to support their mood.

At MUV, we use integrated techniques from evidence-based therapies including cognitive behavioral therapy, solution-focused brief therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, exposure therapy, and accelerated resolution therapy.

Today, MUV counseling offers walk+talk therapy (Mid October-May) on the Scottsdale and Phoenix Biltmore Canal, in-office counseling is available at the Scottsdale location, walk + talk groups, and teletherapy (In Arizona, Oregon, and Washington State).

Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?

Growing up I was taught it was very important to “Treat people as you would want to be treated.” It is not a bad principle in theory. It’s meant to help you show kindness and empathy, but in practice it meant projecting my experience and beliefs on another person. I don’t mind if people mispronounce my name, hold the door, or shake my hand. But assuming others are neutral or okay with these could really hurt a person.

The real truth is, treating others as I want to be treated isn’t a great quality in a therapist. Lucky for me, cultural competency was an early and important class in my education and it really did help me unlearn this seemingly helpful lesson. I learned that treating people as I’d like to be treated wasn’t really what I wanted to do.

Being a therapist for the last 15+ years has helped me see that it’s most important to ask someone how they want to be treated. It’s important because my experience, cultural norms, and beliefs might not allow me to treat that other person the way they want to be treated. What’s interesting about this lesson is, even though I’ve worked hard to unlearn it, sometimes I still miss the mark. I work to treat people how they want to be treated–I slow down to listen, try to ask the right questions, ask for pronouns, check for triggers, and apologize if I recognize a misstep. In unlearning this lesson, I’ve taught myself to be a companion on my clients’ journey, not take them on mine.

Putting training and knowledge aside, what else do you think really matters in terms of succeeding in your field?

What’s helpful for succeeding as a therapist? Well, I can think of a shortlist. Be yourself, have integrity, specialize, and take care of your mental health. Of this list, I think the first and second need no elaboration.
Which brings us to the third, specialize–find a niche (this is a buzz term but I think it’s helpful). Having a few areas of specialization helps to make sure your clients are getting a provider who can best meet their needs. My interest in anxiety disorders and life transitions has helped me focus my training on learning tools that target the experiences my clients get stuck in. It helps me say “no” when a client would be better served by another therapist. I have to say, I feel great satisfaction in helping a person find the right therapist, whether it me or someone else. If you are recovering from codependency or need relationship support, I have amazing colleagues that I can help connect you with.
To round my list off, number four is do the work. Take care of your mental health, it allows you to bring the best version of yourself to your work. That’s right, therapists also go to therapy. If you’re a therapist, make sure you have a consultation group, go see a therapist when you feel stuck, and most importantly use the tools and skills that you give your clients. Experiential learning should never end–so use mindfulness, apply acceptance therapy techniques, and create your toolbox of coping skills. The best version of yourself is the one you and your clients want coming to the office.

Contact Info:

• Website:www.muvcounseling.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/muv_counseling/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/muvcounseling
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/selena-soni/

Image Credits
Rose Visual Captures and Camp picture and the VW Bus Lisa Burgess- 1984