We were lucky to catch up with Saundra Golden recently and have shared our conversation below.
Alright, Saundra thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
As a little girl growing up with a father who only had a elementary education and a mother who gave up college to become a housewife, life wasn’t easy and money was scarce. However, my father was a hard worker and my sisters and I were always provided for. While we didn’t always have what we wanted we always had what we needed.
As a young girl around the age of 6-8, I wanted to play the piano, but little did my parents know that by making arrangements with a well known church pianist to teach me and my sister how to play piano I would end up being sexually assaulted by him and never able to tell my parents. While my sister did tell them, they didn’t believe her and called her a liar, therefore I was too afraid to corroborate her story for fear of being treated the same way, so I just sat quietly crying at the wrath she endured and my parents thinking I was crying because she once again was in trouble. This lead me to not speaking out a lot when I needed to, but being angry. While I knew my parents loved me, they never said the words. They were not parents who hugged you a lot, they just weren’t touchy. For me I needed to hear the words.
As a teenager, still dealing with what had occurred to me earlier in life, I met this guy in high school who validated me saying how pretty I was and what a nice shape I had. He really made me feel special. He was always wanting to spend time with me, wanting me to hang out with him instead of my friends. I thought to myself, “oh he just wants to spend time with me.” I thought he really cared about me, really loved me, only to find out this was the beginning of him isolating me from everyone. This was his attempt to ensure that when the physical, emotional and verbal started, I would have nowhere to turn but him. I felt that if I did what he wanted, acted like he wanted and said what he wanted I could change him and the abuse would stop. But it didn’t. I didn’t feel as though I had anyone I could turn to. I remember what happened when I was younger with my piano teacher, so I feared that my parents would not believe me or they would blame me for what happened. So I stayed. I became pregnant and after my child was born, one day as I was holding her in my lap, he hit me. This became my defining moment. At this moment a light bulb went off and I knew for my daughter’s sake I had to end this relationship. That was the day I exited left and never looked back. It was the day I made the decision that I had to do better, not only for me, but for my daughter. That was the day I decided to bet on me.
I registered for nursing school, while trying to be a single mother, but it was hard. I didn’t even know who I was or what I truly wanted out of life, let alone trying to raise a baby. How could I be the mother to her, I wanted to be if I didn’t do what I needed for me first. So, I paused my nursing degree to take nothing but psychology courses for a full year. Learning and healing from my past and trying to learn how to be the best mother I could. What I needed to do to give this little girl all I could. Learning to communicate with her so unlike me, she would feel comfortable and not afraid to come to me and talk to me about anything. I never blamed my mom or my dad, because they did the best they could do for my sisters and me, but I wanted to do things differently with my daughter. I wanted to form a relationship with her like none other and so that’s what I set out to do. After the year or so of nothing but psychology courses, I completed my nursing degree and graduated. However, I made sure that I continued to learn about raising my daughter and how to mother to her. I read books, did workshops, webinars anything I could to learn all I could about being a present mother.
I started to write a book about my experience, something that could help others, but couldn’t quite put it together. Finally with the support of my husband and oldest daughter, a a phenomenal coach, I did it. I wrote a book called, Make It Stop! A Young Woman’s Guide to Overcome and Prevent Dating Abuse. Initially it was just a book to help parents communicate with their daughters about healthy relationships, dating, red flags and warning signs to be aware of when dating, but during the course of my launch, I realized there were mothers who had experienced what I had, but was fearful to tell their daughters, but they were purchasing my book for their daughters with no intentions of having a real, meaningful conversation with them. So with the help of my coach, Jasmine Womack, I made the decision to create a program to help mothers learn how to communicate effectively with their daughter(s) to build a rock solid bond so they are comfortable talking to them about anything. I realized long ago, I couldn’t parent like my mother did. While she was a great mother, I wanted and needed more for my daughter.
While I had a relationship with my mother and could talk to her about some things, I didn’t feel I had a bond, a strong connection with her to talk about everything. It’s not her fault and I’ve never blamed her. I just knew I had to do things differently. There is nothing I have not talked to my daughters about. If they asked a question regardless of their age I answered it. If they are old enough to ask it, they are old enough for it to be answered. You just need to know how to communicate that answer for their age and maturity level and that’s what I help mother’s to do. Yes, I’m taking a risk that mothers will realized they need help and will want to be coached on building bonds with their daughters, but I believe it is important for them to know it’s nothing to be ashamed of. We all need help and being the best mother you can be is no different.
As mother’s we want our daughters to enter adulthood whole, but so many are entering broken. Let’s change the trajectory of it. That’s my passion and my goal. To provide the education and resources mothers needs so their daughters can enter adulthood whole and not broken, like I did and possibly them. Today I still enjoy the bond I created with both my daughters and my son as well. They still want to spend time with me and we still talk about EVERYTHING! They love spending time with me and I them. This is what I want for mothers. A bond that will transcend time.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
I am a mother of 3, grandmother of 3 and a wife. I have been happily married for 37 years. I am a Registered Nurse and Legal Nurse Consultant. I became an author because I wanted to make an impact. I have always wanted to help people and was able to as a nurse and a Legal Nurse Consultant. But I wanted to do more. I wanted to help women have the type of relationship with their daughter(s) that I have with mine. I want them to be able to form a bond which is different than a relationship. We can have relationships with anyone, but a bond is so much different. It’s a connection that binds you to one another. Where I am different and what sets me apart from other is that I not only teach you how to communicate, I help you to learn how to use the 4 parenting styles to learn how to utilize them in your communication with your daughter. I also help them learn how to utilize the appropriate love language so that what they are communicating with their daughter about will resonate with her. I provide resources and tools to show ways they can initiate conversations with their daughters and have those difficult conversations with them about sex, dating, dating abuse, establishing, implementing and enforcing boundaries, healthy relationships and what relationships are all about and so much more all in one place. They can work with me 1:1 with personalize attention to help them in their unique situation. An investment in my program is an investment in a mother’s relationship with their daughter. I most proud of being the mother I am to my daughters. They are well rounded and our relationship is like no other. I am also proud of the program I have developed through my education and experience that can help others. My motto is #motherdaughterstrong. If anyone wants more information they can go to my website, www.saundragolden.com and book a call with me to discuss how I can personally help them. They can follow me on FB/IN/IG saundrajgolden.
Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?
I believe the saying, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”. I think more than training or knowledge you have to want to truly help people be better, live better do better and show them that you truly care about them and their circumstances and you have the ability to help them. You have to be empathetic and sympathetic to their needs and also allow yourself to vulnerable to show them that you truly understand what it is they are going through and what they need and then being able to offer the solution.
Have you ever had to pivot?
There was a time in my nursing career that I wanted to become a consultant. I wanted the ability to enhance the knowledge I had learning a wide array nursing experiences so that I could become more marketable. I found that I had hospital experience having been a certified oncology nurse, but I had more home health experience that anything and I needed more experience in other areas of nursing so that I could have more opportunities and more avenues to choose from to be the type of consultant I wanted. So I took a chance, took a huge cut in pay and went to work for the state as a state surveyor initially with long term care. This was totally new to me, having never worked in that field before. I became a certified QIS Surveyor for the state of Georgia learning their regulations, but due to family obligations and my daughter being a teenager wanting her mother to be home more, because in the position I had I travelled almost every week. While I decided to stay with the state I move into the Home Care Section which included Hospice, Private Home Care and Home Care working as the Assistant to the Unit Director. In my role, while I already knew the Home Care regulations from having been in home care for awhile, I only knew a little about Hospice and nothing at all about Private Home Care, but I love a good challenge. I learn them all as well as was able to utilize my legal nursing degree more working with attorneys on a weekly basis to levy fines or revocate licences. I then left the state and move into a role at a nursing home for about 1.5 years to learn their dynamics and then moved back into home care as a consultant. I enjoy this role because it allows me to be a resource to clinicians and train them in areas they need. I love educating clinicians and helping them to be the best they can be and bringing out the best in them. The pivots I had to make to get to this point was all well worth it.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.saundragolden.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/saundrajgolden/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/saundrajackson.golden
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/saundra-j-golden-0842a654/
- Youtube: coming soon