We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Sari Cowsert a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Sari, appreciate you joining us today. Let’s start with the story of your mission. What should we know?
In 2019, I was broken down, I was hitting rock bottom, I couldn’t possibly believe this was my life. How did I get here? Is this the life I’m suppose to be living? Is this what a beautiful life looks like? This is Hell, how could this be all that life has to offer me? You wouldn’t know that I was feeling this way looking from the outside into my life. I was very good at hiding everything that I was thinking, and feeling. From the outside, it looked as though I had the perfect life. I was married to a handsome man, who was extremely supportive in every aspect of my family, and I had 2 beautiful daughters, at the time were 3 and 7. We had the house, we both had good jobs that made money, I was a hairstylist/makeup artist and had a thriving business that helped to support my family. To anyone that has every had a Panic/Anxiety Attack, you know that anyone in your life can’t possibly understand what you are going through unless you have physically been through it. It is irrational thinking that spirals you sometimes to the deepest darkest places. Ultimately I was scared of death, and had zero support or belief in thinking otherwise. I grew up Jewish, in a reformed jewish synagogue. We lived in a little city outside of Dallas, called Garland, Texas. There weren’t any other little Jewish girls living there except my sister, so I already felt like an outsider. The synagogue we went to in Dallas didn’t help me much in fitting in either. All of the kids that went there were extremely wealthy, and i remember begging my mom for a “Fake” Kate spade bag, so i could fit in with every one else at Temple. I’m telling you this so you can begin to see the necessary programming i was giving to my body to need to fit in, and when i wasn’t fitting in i was in a massive survival mode to figure out how i needed to. Early on I was already betraying my body to fit in, to not let it be in it’s natural state, instead creating one that was always looking for a way to be Perfect and fit in with the crowd. I also danced my entire childhood, and looking back now I’m so grateful for having an outlet for my body to let my emotions move and release. I have also reflected back that the minute I stopped Dancing was when shit really hit the fan, because i had nowhere for all of the emotions i was feeling to be released. So they just started storing up in my body and, it would build and build until i would release it in some other way. This is where the Panic attacks started coming. I can remember driving home from the Gym one day and it seemed like my heart was skipping a beat, and I had an old school HR monitor at the time for working out and it said my HR was at Zero. Looking back i don’t think that was possible, probably a malfunction on the monitor, but I instantly freaked out, my HR started going even faster, my body was sweating more, i felt like i couldn’t breathe. Something was wrong, and i didn’t know what to do, and my mom just kept telling me your fine, calm down. Right then and there i started hardwiring my brain and body to this emotional/physical addiction of Panic/Anxiety Attacks. I would guarantee have at least 1 a day, if not multiple. Drinking alcohol and eating horribly in your 20s didn’t manage to help these panic attacks either. Especially the hung over part the day after where you are all shaky and jittery from your Blood sugar dropping from the alcohol. I can remember being at a friends Lake house, and having a panic attack in the middle of the night after drinking and feeling horrible from the effects of a blood sugar drop, and feeling like there was no one i could tell and ask for support, so as to not be the weirdo of the group. Again denying my body what was actually happening, and listening to what it needed. This went on for years and years. 12 to be exact. Through the years of being married and having my 2 beautiful girls the panic attacks and anxiety got worse. I was taking Xanax, and SSRI’s. The xanax would help momentarily but then i would feel drugged the rest of the day and not be productive. The SSRI’s helped but only numbed me and made me feel like an emotionless zombie living day to day. My husband is an Emergency Room nurse, and would always tell me, Sari, you’re completely healthy, nothing is wrong with you, I have people come in with Anxiety every day, and they are fine. There was no way I was “FINE” How could you call someone “Fine” who is completely Co-dependent, has to have someone available on the phone at all times, can’t take her children to school, or even leave the house sometimes? I was mentally so unstable, and no counselor or therapist was giving me tools to get me better. How could this be our medical system? Where is the support? I can remember driving my girls home one night from gymnastics, and I couldn’t even make it a mile down the road without freaking the f*ck out, my oldest at the time, crying too and telling Mommy it’s ok, and what’s wrong. What kind of Mother am I being/reflecting for my kids? My life had so much control in it. If that control fell apart, I would fall apart. I became so aggressive, and condescending with my beliefs and what i would say to others. I was living a black and white world, my way or the highway, because That was the only way i felt in control. Before I was pregnant with my first daughter I wasn’t having Cycle. I went 10 months without a period at all. My husband and I thought maybe I wouldn’t be able to conceive. Later that year I found out i had Hypothyroidism, and soon after getting on medicine i was pregnant. I can look back now and realize My body was not in a state to be able to support a child, with all of the survival of the anxiety and panic, so i didn’t have a period. I also later found out that i had PCOS as well,(PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome) yet another diagnosis, and i began asking myself, when does this end? I was really distraught with having yet something else wrong with me. I started really beginning to do research on what i could do, because there weren’t any doctors willing to help me, or try something new. In my research I found out that when you have PCOS, you are Insulin Resistant, and have trouble regulating your blood sugar. Well that makes so much sense! So much of the way I ate, was dropping my Blood sugar, and symptoms would be jittery, shaky, sweaty, dizzy. All symptoms i would have when my anxiety would start. This was hugely helpful, because I knew the one thing i could control in my out of control life was what i put in my mouth. I slowly started from here, with a fire lit up my ass, of what other information can i find that can help me. I was determined this was not how my life was suppose to go. Podcast after podcast, leading me down the yellow brick road, I was finding real answers that made me feel like i could potentially change. One of the biggest ones i found is understanding Meditation and the Subconscious mind. Realizing that I was running on an emotional addiction of a loop of thinking and feeling in my body, reaffirming the same thoughts and the same emotions i felt within my body, over and over again. And when i began to witness them in meditation and through my day to day life, i was able to stop them and start thinking how i do want to think and feel. Within a matter of 6 weeks, I was seeing through Rose Colored Glasses, I was seeing the Whole Panoramic view of the world and it was so beautiful. I couldn’t believe how i had been living with blinders on for so much of my life. I had dug into a world i didn’t even know was possible. I recognized the programming i had installed within my mind and body for so long and I was not ever going to return to that state of Being and mind. As I started to change for the better, I began to see all of the suffering within the world, and It made me so sad, because I knew exactly where these people were. Programmed to live in these survival emotions by their own doing, observing society, their parents, entertainment. I have made it my mission to help Women get out of their day to day programming to expand themselves into what is truly possible. Their Greatness! Oh and BTW, I am no longer scared of Death! I have mini deaths over and over, pieces of my dying away to bring a new birth to something more beautiful within me! I really enjoy this process and never want to stop growing and learning!
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
I am an Intuitive Hypnotherapist/Master Imagery Facilitator. I got into this industry because so much of what reprogrammed me was guided meditation. I transformed so fast with the right questions asked and the right guidance to follow subconsciously. After that I really wanted to be able to give people Customized Guided meditations for their healing and what they are specifically going through. I intuitively listen to my clients, by how they feel and the energy they express within themselves, and tailor a personalized experience for them. Witnessing these transformations has been the ultimate fulfillment within my life. This process has been working so well, I have decided to expand this process into an intimate online women’s container that transforms each individual into what is possible within them. You are only limited to how you think and feel, so how would you like to think and feel? What is the one thing that takes up the most of your thoughts and brings resistance in your life? In these Sacred online workshops, we can witness each other and our vulnerability in a safe place, that doesn’t feel judged or criticized, but loved deeply and held deeply, supporting each other within this process. Bringing worthiness, sisterhood, radiance, and love back into your life, restoring and claiming it for each one. When people ask me what I do, I tell them, Have you ever witnessed a woman walk into a room, and there is something about her, she walks as a queen, her radiance so strong, but warm and loving acknowledging every one within the room, and she commands her existence, Well….That is what i teach women. How to reclaim their Goddess Within. In my recent course “Uncover The Goddess Within” we deep dive into a progression of uncovering that essence within you. Giving her a voice, and trusting it as the inner intuition within you, a guiding light! What could be possible if you let her guide you in your life? What would it feel like within you to command your existence?
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
In May of 2022, I put together a retreat. It was going to be Friday-Sunday, at a beautiful lake house, and It would house 10 guests. My husband was going to be our chef, and create extremely beautiful conscious meals. Each day was dedicated to transformation and healing. I was so excited to be hosting this retreat. I had even made it super affordable, only $500 for the weekend, that included the retreat, lodging, and meals. I worked so hard to put this all together, to the logistics, to what i was wanting to teach.
It was at the end of Covid, and I could not fill spots to save my life. I had a few people interested, but no one biting. That’s when all the stories started coming in. Am i not good enough for this? Do people not like what I have to offer? Is there no value? Who’s going to show up? What if they can’t afford it? Story after story i was making up in my head, just creating a bigger vibration of not worthy enough in the long run.
It was getting closer and i was desperate, I had a big ZERO people signed up, and i was like, you know what i’ll just eat the cost, and invite people for free, at least they will get the experience, and i will get to see what it’s like to produce a retreat………………I couldn’t even get people to come for free. I was so upset, why was this happening? I know this is my path, but why isn’t it showing up for me?
I was definitely upset for a few days, but ultimately if i didn’t revert back to what i know and trust, that the Divine does have a plan for me, and perhaps i needed to go through the motions of creating something like this and fail. It’s not as if there was no value in creating this. I learned so much through the process, and ultimately I didn’t have the right audience that was ready to jump into this type of Transformation.
There are so many retreats in my future, and This will only give me foundation with creating that. We have to fail to start to grow even more. Life is like living in Peaks and Valleys, You have to fall to experience the journey to the peak and truly enjoy it!
Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?
I was a hairstylist for 17 years. I really loved what i did for a living. I loved making people feel beautiful! I also loved the connection with each client. As you know it’s like going to a therapist, and realizing the space I held for so many to come into my chair and feel like they were safe with me. As I began my spiritual Awakening, I really started to witness my clients. I would still hold space for them to vent or get our whatever they needed, but I was starting to realize that they didn’t want to change what was happening to them. I was in such a crossroads, I loved my clients deeply, but i was beginning to feel drained each day i left instead of fulfilled. I wanted to work with people that could realize what they were going through and wanted that to not show up in their life anymore.
I was at a retreat in meditation, and came out and knew 100% I needed to retire from the salon. I was already in school for Hypnotherapy but always thought i would just do it on the side.
This was such a huge realization for me, because i could either A: betray how i was feeling to submit to comfort and how i’ve lived my whole life, or B: jump into a deep end of the unknown, but an exciting journey of something new.
My husband said he could support us as i build myself up, and 2 weeks later, i closed the door of my Hairstylist career, and jumped into a new one of Hypnotherapy, and Intuitive Healing Arts.
I was so worried no one would accept me in this new way of life for me. But ultimately it wasn’t about anyone else except the path i knew i was to lead. One of Healing, of Love, of Support, of Guidance, of Listening.
I look back, and can ultimately still see the same parallel life if would have been living if i didn’t make the change. So much has changed for the better since that decision, that we are too often afraid of, and therefore never take the chance, missing out on so much of life and the beauty it has to offer. 
Contact Info:
- Website: www.thegrowthgoddess.net
- Instagram: @the.growth.goddess
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sari.renee/
Image Credits
Kristen Jager