We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Sara Webb. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Sara below.
Sara, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today It’s always helpful to hear about times when someone’s had to take a risk – how did they think through the decision, why did they take the risk, and what ended up happening. We’d love to hear about a risk you’ve taken.
In 2019, I got sober, got a divorce, and came out of the closet — not necessarily in that order. That sentence rolls off the proverbial tongue easily, but it was one of the most challenging times of my whole life in so many ways. The decision to divorce my ex-husband, the father of my biological daughter, was closely enmeshed with the other two decisions to step into my power as a free woman, off the bottle and out of the closet.
I knew then that I had some trauma to work through, that I had been actively suppressing with the socially-accepted wet blanket of alcohol. I knew that my daily mantra meditation practice had shed some light upon the multi-man rape I had experienced a decade prior and had up until that point, refused to (or been unable to) process and release . I knew that I had been gay since college, but had been afraid of coming out due to familial and religious pressure.
Taking this tri-fold risk of stepping into my power was difficult to say the least, but I knew every step of the way that it was key to unfolding into my essential power.
Living my truth has paved the way for me to help other queer women experiencing heartbreak from parents and rejected romantic relationships. I am so glad today that I listened within and followed my truth to the core of my being because today I get to live in the expansive liberation I have intentionally cultivated, breath by breath.
Sara, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
Lesbian heartbreak healing (really, heartbreak healing for all queer women who love women) chose me, not the other way around.
It’s one thing to come out of the closet after decades in it, it’s another to base your business around your sexual identity. I came out first at 38, but initially just to friends and family putting myself out there as gay on the interwebs is something it took me years to do.
Getting married to and subsequently divorcing my now ex-wife changed my life in so many beautiful (and of course initially devastating) ways. When searching for healing during my grieving process, I recognized the dearth of resources available for queer women in the heartbreak healing space.
Dare I say it — lesbians suffer heartbreak more often. I said it, and I have some facts to back it up:
– lesbians are twice as likely to get a divorce than gay married men (and twice as likely to get married – see next point)
– female biology predicts estrogen-prone humans will gravitate more quickly to nesting
– women are statistically more likely to be people-pleasers, actively suppressing their true feelings in order to allegedly please their partner / others in their life
Empirically, lesbians will tell you that queer female relationships are different in that they are often deeper and more complexly intertwined than heterosexual relationships.
The Revive Your Power system is specifically tailored toward queer women’s heartbreak, from a gay woman’s perspective. It is built on my hard-won experience, and fortified with science-backed practices for somatic release, therapeutic breathwork, and intentional mental and emotional reframing of our lived experience. Every aspect of the 9-week transformational journey is intended for us to be able to move forward in life with the healing that is our birthright.
Today I’m not only living my truth, it’s become part and parcel of my purpose, and I have found great liberation in the journey of stepping fully into my female power, serving fellow women who are suffering from heartbreak like I have.
We’d love to hear a story of resilience from your journey.
In the last 2 decades, I have healed myself of heartbreak through infidelity (from a fiancé who cheated on me while I was sleeping in the next room), two legal divorces, and a literal rejection of my birth parents because I am gay.
Experiencing social rejection from one’s family of origin is both a painful grief, as well as the key to me fully accepting myself as the complex and unique individual I have grown to be.
Today, I am a residence coach because I have developed behavioral tools to intentionally modulate my body chemistry, motivation and drive by leveraging my tenacity toolkit.
Fall down 9 times, get up 10. Resilience doesn’t mean we get up and bounce back to the same place or state as we were before the fall, it simply means we choose to get back up and keep going instead of giving up altogether.
What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?
As a female raised in the Deep South (Bible Belt), I was taught both explicitly and implicitly to people-please, and it spelled real trouble in adulthood as I squelched my desires, hiding in the closet instead of being honest.
What I discovered through my work is that people-pleasing can actually be perceived as selfish, and it may be at the root.
People-pleasing is an attempt to control the perceptions others might have of us. We don’t want people thinking we are lazy, incapable, or otherwise unworthy, so we agree to things that are not in alignment with our inherent bandwidth or moral compass.
In my case, trying to not upset my parents by not being honest about my lesbianism, hurt them and others in the process, namely my now ex-husband and father of my biological child.
It has been both challenging and liberating to intentionally unlearn this ingrained tendency to not speak up for what I need (even when asked), put my needs and desires second to others (even when it is a basic need), and generally agree to things and situations which are not in my best interest. And I consider it a high honor and a privilege to have to opportunity to heal in such an expansive way.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.SaraWebbSays.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarawebbsays/
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/SaraWebbSaysLLC
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/SaraWebbSays
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@HealingLesbianHeartbreak
- Google: https://maps.app.goo.gl/wYskY2sSK8KuCuFKA?g_st=ic
- Amazon book: https://a.co/d/bmkoyBf
Image Credits
Krystal Nocella Photography