We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Sara J. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Sara below.
Sara, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today We’d love to hear about the things you feel your parents did right and how those things have impacted your career and life.
If this question had been asked a decade ago, I would have suggested they did nothing right. At that time, I felt so much pressure, inadequacy, and shame surrounding who, what, and how my parents raised me. It wasn’t until I entered my thirties that it all clicked. What my parents did for me was nothing of benefit, in fact, they did the complete opposite. Instead of creating a nurturing environment, that fostered love and happiness, they created an environment that was a blank canvas and encouraged us (myself and my siblings) to design a life we wanted to live. There was plenty of trauma, and abuse to go around. There was no stability and limited resources however, my parents were not quitters. Now, at a young age, it would have been lovely to be handed a paintbrush and some paint but instead, we were strongly urged to gather those resources ourselves too. As the years of my childhood continued on and I had front-row seats to the honesty of my mother and father’s decisions, rather good or bad. I began taking notes. By the time I was eighteen I had figured if I did the opposite of what I saw I would be able to create the life that I read about in books or even seen others around me living. My ultimate goal growing up was to reach a peace and joy that couldn’t be taken by man, and I would seek that until the end of my time. Thankfully, my parents didn’t believe in controlling their kids or forcing them to become something that they barely modeled effortlessly, In fact, they encouraged us to live a life that resembled truth. And if my truth was to become a writer and encourager for women and men who have been plagued with shame, fear, and doubt, then so be it.
And so it became. So what did my parents do right? They lived an honest life in front of their children and put the ball in our court. There was no control, or pressure to become something they weren’t. There was no trust fund or money in the bank for college, There was no home to go to when times got hard and you needed a reprieve, and there certainly was no shoulder to cry on when your lover was all out of love for you. However, there was my parent’s life on display and the pain of poverty and abandonment as a reminder and a “no quitting” mentally that pumped through my veins. That is what my parents did right, no matter the trial or tribulation my parents suffered, they didn’t quit and they didn’t force us to rise above or become it. They gave me a choice, and the choice has always been mine. My mother would always say “I am living my life, and you may not like what I am doing and that is fine. However, I cant live your life for you therefore your blessing or burdens aren’t mine to carry, so live wisely and live your life”.
The freely raising structure my parents provided has impacted me greatly. While I am a product of trauma and abuse, I am a result of resilience, encouragement, and truth. I am currently doing what I want to do in life without limits and borders. My career choice is mine and always has been. I currently have the luxury of traveling the country to public speak to clients in a training manner. I have the pleasure of curating and hosting one of my favorite podcasts, “Sincerely Shameless” and blogging for “The Shameless Brand”. The impact of who and how my parents raised me has been many things, but the high note I resonate with is “The choice is mine, and it will always be”. My parents gave me a choice and it came at a high price, but that was the greatest thing they could have done. Now, I can forgive and accept the life that I wanted in my childhood couldn’t be, but my adult years are whatever I wanted them to be. I carry no envy or covetous for the lives of others, as I was taught to live my life. And that’s a powerful thing, freedom, truth, and without shame.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers
For those who are new to the Shameless Brand, I am just a woman who has experienced a lot of life and decide to cultivate joy, peace and to live shamelessly. I got into the business of writing back when I was twelve, I was always into reading stories about peoples lives that experienced so much but on the other side of their writings were the good parts! The happy ending, I know it sounds very fairy tale like, and a bit girly, but that was the moment that I realized I would have to give something to gain something back in return.
So, I began journaling heavily and years later I would write for the school magazine, my alma mater and even an all woman’s magazine. What was most pivotal during that time frame is; I wasn’t trying to become anything or anyone other than the woman with a story. Now, I am writing for my own blog, that touches on travel, entrepreneurship and faith. That led to being the lead on my podcast where I share intimate stories about resolving and decreasing shame in every area of my life, in hopes of encouraging others to do the same. I knew at a young age I wanted to help and serve, so naturally I thought healthcare. Now that I look back, I am grateful that I followed my heart and accepted my choice wouldn’t be understood by others but it would be a lifelong journey with and for self to serve others in the area of shame. Shame came to me easy in my early years, it was the only emotion that had the ability to paralyze me, and if shame could do that to me surely others were suffering and unable to walk out their purpose because of it. Therefore, the whole point of the Shameless Brand is to promote freedom in purpose and destiny byway of eliminating it at the root.
Learning and unlearning are both critical parts of growth – can you share a story of a time when you had to unlearn a lesson?
This is a good one!!! Growing up in poverty, there are many lessons worthy of unlearning but my favorite one is “self doubt”. Self doubt is one of those things you dont see, you think and move in self doubt. For years, I knew I didnt have the luxury to just sit around and do nothing, therefore I was machine. I was either awake or sleep. During my time awake, I would do and efficacy wasn’t a thought. My mind only processed “do or dont” and “dont” wasn’t a good thing. Over the years, I have seen my desires and resources change, and now that I have understood my choice I have found myself quick to self doubt. It could be a simple task, such as an interview of this nature. I could do a really good job at it, and then there is this wicked thought that pops up and says “No one is gonna want to read this madness”. And just like that I would lose interest despite the interest and my gift of creative writing. Unlearning self doubt hands down is a life journey for me, and its something I think we all can do a bit more of.
We’d love to hear the story of how you built up your social media audience?
Yes, this one is a good one too. Its a tough thing to for me but one thing I know that has built my blog and podcast following is vulnerability. That word is still very new to me and it still stings a bit. Growing up, telling folks your business was a BIGG NO NO!!! The biggest reason why, is because the people to person reaction; PITY! Folks would pity me, my sisters and my mother but I rarely saw people empowered to encourage or help along the way. As time went on the poverty storyline went continued, I began saying less and less about what happened in our household. That increased shame, shamed because I didnt have a healthy place to speak out, or a safe place to just be. Shamed because of who my parents were, and who they werent. Shamed that I didn’t see myself in them, and more shame because I loved them. During undergrad, that shame produced resentment, and that is what finally led me straight to therapy. Therapy was that first time that I heard the words, “shame'”, “vulnerability”, and “TRAUMA” defined and used in response to my life up to that point. With that, in every story or conversation I would have, I began putting language to it all, and believe it or, while they may not say it, others quickly related. It was vulnerability that kept listeners coming back, and its a recipe that only requires my truth. So, simply put, showing up as my authentic self reproduces a healthy following. My greatest advice to anyone who is looking start a brand, or a following, “take you and everything you have” and just be!
Contact Info:
- Website: theshamelessbrand.me
- Instagram: shesooshameless_
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lovesaraj2?mibextid=LQQJ4d
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sara-jackson-1b0102b7
- Twitter: shesooshameless
- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/
sarajacksonthetrainer/