We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Sara Beth Wald. We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Sara Beth below.
Sara Beth, appreciate you joining us today. So let’s jump to your mission – what’s the backstory behind how you developed the mission that drives your brand?
The mission of Redefining Love is “to heal our culture by healing our trauma, one individual at a time.” In 2016 I became desperately ill with a mystery illness. Quite literally overnight, I went from being an active, busy working wife and mom to bedridden. My hair began falling out, I had painful sores all over my scalp, excruciating migraines, and I began losing concerning amounts of weight, Doctors could not figure out what was wrong. More than once I heard the word ‘cancer’ whispered by doctors and nurses in the hallway outside of the exam room.
I thought I was dying. My husband and I prepared a will, made plans for our children, and had hard conversations with loved ones. But I didn’t have cancer, and I didn’t die. After three months of testing and agonizing unknowns, I was diagnosed with multiple autoimmune diseases, most notably rheumatoid arthritis. It took over two years for my health to stabilize. During that time, my mind came back online long before my body.
I’d spent my career as a social worker and journalist, but I’d had to quit working when I got sick. This included the weekly newspaper column I’d published for eight and a half years. I missed writing, and I missed engaging with an audience. I wasn’t ready to commit to a regular 9-5 job. My good days and bad days were too unpredictable. So I started a blog.
I poured myself into research. I wanted to understand everything about my disease. I learned that there is a strong correlation between trauma and autoimmune disease. As a former social worker, I was intrigued by the impact that negative experiences has on physical and mental health. Over several months, I became convinced that my illness was caused by chronic childhood trauma. I decided if I was going to get my life back, I was going to have to lean into the uncomfortable exploration of my past experiences.
With some digging, I discovered that my biggest hang-up was an unhealthy definition of love. I had some very toxic relationships in my life that desperately needed boundaries, but my understanding of love didn’t allow space for my own mental health. Setting boundaries and voicing my own wants and needs felt selfish and “mean.” I knew there had to be a better way. I didn’t want to hate anyone. I just wanted to love those who were harmful to me from a safe distance.
In 2018, the Redefining Love blog was born out of my own searching for a way to navigate complex, high-conflict relationships with love. Redefining Love is built on the Three Pillars of Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace towards ourselves and others.
It just so happened that 2018 was a highly divisive year in our culture. The ideas of peaceful conflict resolution and allowing ourselves space for our own mental health resonated with many people. Soon, I had a small but mighty platform that I call the Redefining Love Community. In 2020, I began coaching the Redefining Love Framework with 1-1 clients and online groups. Earlier this year, I published the first edition of the Redefining Love book. I envision many more editions as Redefining Love grows and evolves over time.
What started out being the hardest, most terrifying time led me to a beautiful new career, helping others heal from trauma. I am committed to teaching the principles of Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace to as many people as will listen. I am convinced that the answers to our cultural divisions lie on the other side of trauma. When one individual heals from their past, their healing impacts their marriages, their children, their colleagues, their friends, neighbors, and the culture at large.
Sara Beth, love having you share your insights with us. Before we ask you more questions, maybe you can take a moment to introduce yourself to our readers who might have missed our earlier conversations?
I grew up in rural Eastern Montana. I had a chaotic childhood, and public image was very important to my parents. I learned to be “perfect,” hiding any struggles, pain, and imperfections from the world. My parents separated when I was in high school and we moved from one small Montana town to another. When I left home, I was determined to do everything differently than my parents. I dedicated my life to helping others. I earned a social work degree from the University of Montana, and a master’s in journalism from Michigan State, I married my college sweetheart very young, but delayed having children until I was nearly 30. We moved to the Midwest, and I tried to pretend my childhood never really happened.
Despite my best efforts. I became a single mom of a toddler when I was 31. I moved back to my mother’s small Montana town, broke and disillusioned. It felt like chaos was a birthright that I could not escape, no matter how hard I tried. I entered therapy shortly after returning to Montana, and spent a decade trying to figure out how it all went so terribly wrong. As I began to heal, I began to rebuild a new life. I remarried, had another child, and began writing a weekly column for several small town newspapers. I came to realize that although I made a life very different from my parents, I’d still clung to the childhood belief that I must be “perfect.” I committed myself to living my most authentic, vulnerable, genuine life. For a time, it was the happiest I’d ever been.
Until I got sick.
I maintain that getting sick was the best thing that ever happened to me. It forced me to slow down and really explore my values, my talents, and my purpose. I cannot think of any other way I could have created Redefining Love. It has not been an easy journey, but now I get to watch it heal and inspire people every single day. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of “saving the world.” It was a noble goal, but unrealistic. Now I realize that I don’t have to save the world. I just have to help one person heal from trauma, and then another, and another. And eventually, when enough of us are healed, the world will save itself.
I currently offer many different ways to join the Redefining Love Community:
Read the book! The Redefining Love book is perhaps the most comprehensive option to learn the fundamentals of the framework. It became an Amazon #1 bestseller in the Conflict Management category on Amazon in the first day of release!
Those interested in a deep dive can enroll in the online masterclass How Trauma Affects the Brain. Built on the most current neuroscience, this 90-minute, course provides a foundational understanding of what happens inside our heads when we experience trauma. The course is divided into six short, animated modules that make the concepts easy to understand and applicable to your daily life. The course can be taken at your own pace, and each module has a printable workbook to explore the concepts.
Through 1-1 Boundaries & Trauma Coaching, I teach trauma survivors how to apply the principles of Boundaries, Accountability, and Grace to their unique life. Options I currently offer are ala carte Boundaries Coaching sessions, 4-months Premium Coaching, Divorce Coaching, and Trauma-Informed Massage, which is a collaboration with a local massage therapist. I can also customize a coaching program based on the specific needs of an individual.
Throughout the year I do numerous workshops, retreats, and in-person and online group coaching. I am beyond thrilled to be giving a TEDx talk in October on the Redefining Love Framework, so stay tuned!
For more information on all of the available options, and for a number of free opportunities to get involved in the Redefining Love Community, visit the website at redefine-love.com. There visitors can access a great deal of free content, including the blog that started it all.
How’d you build such a strong reputation within your market?
The #1 thing that I believe grows a business – regardless of what business you’re in – is authenticity. A major lesson I learned through writing my newspaper column was that people respond and connect with others who are genuine. To this day, I’m still stunned by the number of people who feel deeply connected to me and the words that I write because I’m not afraid to lay it all on the line. The day I committed to being the most real, authentic version of myself is when everything changed for the better.
The “Authenticity Rule” applies equally to healing from trauma and success in business. You cannot overcome painful past experiences until you honestly explore your pain with intention and curiosity. And you cannot find genuine success and stability in your business if you’re building on a foundation of inauthenticity. You may make some money – maybe even a lot of money – but it won’t feel fulfilling and it could come crashing down at any time. The only way to be a truly successful person is to live with integrity.
My online and in-person following isn’t enormous. For me it’s not a numbers game. It’s quality over quantity. Not everyone is comfortable with the level of raw vulnerability required to redefine love. But for those with the courage to step into their past experiences with intention and curiosity, it is a profoundly meaningful experience. Know your niche, or your audience, and speak directly to them with honesty. Shed the need to be perfect, and trust that the people who are meant to find you and your product or service will.
Can you tell us the story behind how you met your business partner?
This has been a major learning curve for me, and I’m still learning. I’ve had the opportunity to share the Redefining Love journey with a number of incredible people. Some I’m still working with, and some I’ve taken a different path. But through it all, I’ve developed a list of criteria that are an absolute must in order to partner:
1) Shared values – Take the time to really get to know someone before going into business together. Sharing values is much more than just “we’re both good people.” You need to know that your ethics and priorities are in line. There is more than one right way to do things, but you absolutely have to agree. And of course, this means before you go into business with someone else, you need to know what YOU believe. Clarify what being a person of integrity means to you prior to diving into a partnership.
2) Complimentary temperaments – You and your potential partner can be very different people. In fact, that might be an opportunity to fill in the gaps for each other! But you must have complimentary temperaments, meaning you have to enjoy, appreciate, and respect each other.
3) Clarify your goals – What is the goal of the partnership? Does this opportunity lead you where you want to go? Is your main goal to make money, or are you more interested in impact? Again, you don’t necessarily have to share the same goals, but you need to clarify expectations prior to moving forward with a partnership.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.redefine-love.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/loveredefine
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/sarabethwald
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sara-beth-wald
- Other: https://www.facebook.com/redefinelovefirst