We were lucky to catch up with Samantha Coiner recently and have shared our conversation below.
Hi Samantha, thanks for joining us today. Can you talk to us about a project that’s meant a lot to you?
A deeply meaningful project I’ve worked on is my upcoming music video, for a song I wrote called “Gentleness”
It was a really miraculous thing. I was sitting in a mid century modern house, situated in the hills of Ventura. I had set up a music recording ‘studio’ in my bedroom.
think a Scarlet 2i2 interface, a rusty bluebird by Blue microphone, a broken pair of headphones, and a MacBook with Ableton – courtesy of Cody Nakanelua. I clamped the boom mic holder onto the built in desk, turned on the temu sunset lamp, and locked in.
I had just driven 1,000 from Portland, Oregon – to move in with some friends I met at a Sundance Ceremony. Prior to this, I was living with my Dad in the wake of my Mother’s unexpected passing.
We ended up butting heads and I ultimately felt caged by my past. I wanted to get out Back to L.A.
I initially lived in Los Angeles in 2021, after moving there to pursue my music dreams – and to try to solidify a long distance relationship that completely altered the course of my life. I think everybody had a pandemic bae right?
Yeah, so I was living in Los Angeles for a year or so. It was pretty traumatic and brutal I ended up leaving when I ran out of money and options. Fast forward to January of 2025, 4 years after being dumped by the guy that I moved to LA hoping to be with… he reached out to me The timing was insane, because I had just pressed the block button on a contact – Gilberto someone I was seeing who very much reminded me of that same ex, who we’ll call Ray.
What got Gilberto blocked? He made a really bad “joke” about nonconsensual s*x… so our paths naturally diverged. Well, right after blocking his number… Ray, from 2020 ; messages me on Instagram and wants me to come over. It was obvious to me that he was drunk. So of course I did what any self respecting girl does. I say “invite me tomorrow when you’re not drunk and I’ll think about it”
Despite how much I still cared about and loved him.
He was saying all the things I had spent 4 years hoping to hear from him. Eventually I had become certain that he never would.But then he did.
I wrote the song Gentleness while I was on the phone with Gilberto. .I was reaching out to Ray, through Gilberto. I was deep in emotion and thought of him, what we went through together, of the music industry and how challenging it is to “make it”
Ray had been dropped from his record label sometime around late 2023, or maybe early 2024
and his manager, died tragically in a plane crash.
I thought about how much I deeply cared for him, wondered how he was doing
I pondered how much he had endured for art, and the process I imagined him going through
to find his voice again
after most likely feeling so discarded by the industry & disillusioned about the ordeal.
I contemplated his journey of redefining and uncovering what music was even for; in his life
And it made me think about my own struggles and the relationship I have to music and performance art. An identity within, and one that I represent to the world the song ‘Gentleness’ became an even bigger concept when I was approached by a man in the parking lot of a VONS. I was sitting in my car In the sun eating sushi, drinking a redbull, and listening to Lucky Daye
“Excuse me, I’m sorry to bother you. But you’re just radiating such a magical energy
like, you’re so beautiful and ethereal I just had to tell you”
I said “Wow, I was looking at you thinking “He must be an artist
He’s somebody”
He said “I’m a director and videographer”
“I knew it!” I exclaimed.
We exchanged information he later ended up coming up to Ventura, to shoot a music video for ‘Gentleness’. He said when he heard it, he felt compelled to help me create a story and capture some moments in time of my life
Gentleness, the song and accompanying music video – will be coming out alongside some other music videos put to my originals songs, and hopefully we will be screening that short film, at a theater near you!
Samantha, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
Based on what I’ve been through thus far; I feel My whole purpose as an artist is to show people what you can do with limited resources, and a dream.
Being plucky, resilient and resourceful, as an artist is an extension of my survival as a human.
I grew up in poverty, being bullied and harassed to the point of dropping out of public school to go to online school. I dealt with a lot of depression that led to self harm, eating disorder and wanting to end my life.
At certain points I felt so worthless. And the climb to get out of that pit has been long and difficult. But I’m so proud of the fact that I made it out
& I want to tell that story. I know many can relate because they’re either still in that pit, or have managed to make their way out the same way I have
It can be the most impossible thing to not compare yourself to others. To not lose yourself in depression and other mental health struggles a lot of us face silently.
It seems like a losing battle. Constantly comparing yourself other artists who have labels and support promoting themselves, they’re well funded and connected. They’ve had so many legs up in expanding their artistry, gaining a following and garnering opportunities.
As a poor, chronically ill artist, it feels like all the obstacles and odds everyone faces universally, are even more impossibly stacked against you. I’ve spent so much time praying hoping, and wishing someone would take a chance on me. That they would see my potential, in its rawest state… and want to help lift me up
Sometimes I genuinely wonder what I’m doing and why. If this is ever going to become more than just a completely self funded passion project, If I’ll ever sell out shows, headline, be recognized for my gifts, or create a livelihood doing what I love most.
That’s why people like Davis Northern (director of “Gentleness” Music Video)
Helping someone like me; free of charge… is so huge. Because it’s greater than him being paid to direct something for a corporate entity or business. He chose to do this out of the kindness of his spirit, and his belief in my music. The message and the meaning behind it
The song grew roots, and became an anthem for the people who have become broken down, beaten
bruised, and disillusioned by the world. Crushed under the weight of survival, and bled dry of inspiration, meaning, and hope. Made to feel like their work only holds value when industries recognized it by monetizing and marketing it.
The dichotomy of the purity of artists expression, and then the systems that capitalize off of that. And how turn around and strive so hard TO be capitalized off of. And how worthless it can make you feel when you don’t have that dynamic. But how on the other side of the coin… extracting the value from artists to market them and monetarily take advantage of these innate, deeply personal and spiritual experiences; can cause us to feel equally as hollow as screaming into the void – for free
At 28 years old, I’ve come to understand my gift is for me first. To express myself, to heal, build intimacy and trust within, and have catharsis in exorcising the heaviness and pain from my being
To honor the connection I have to a higher power, who gave me these gifts. Then it’s to connect with others by sharing those gifts with them. To help THEM express, feel seen and heard and understood, to have their own catharsis.
As long as one person out there is enjoying my music and feeling like it’s made a positive difference, that’s what matters most to me. Not a quantity of people. Not any type of recognition.
I don’t ever want to compromise my integrity, lose the rights to my masters, or share my magic and soul with people who want to mold me into what they think will make me a “star” at the cost of my authenticity. I don’t want to trade anything sacred, for “Success”
And I want to show other people out there that all they need sometimes is an iPad with garage band, a cheap stage microphone, and pain they would like to turn into beauty and connection. If you continue to believe in yourself, it doesn’t matter who does or doesn’t.
If you continue to celebrate and clap for your own growth and creativity, eventually other people will join in and eventually you will have a crowd of applause. Thank you to everyone who has come to see me at a show, gone out with me for karaoke, bought my music on bandcamp, a t-shirt, Helped me produce and record music, invited me to be a part of your music. Shared their story with me.
Everyone I’ve ever jammed with. Everyone I’ve met who has taught me about myself and the world, everyone who has encouraged me to go to church, who’s fed me, let me sleep on your couch,
Every person who has driven to come see me out in the sticks… my dear dear friends who have let me cry on their shoulder about everything from losing my mom, various heartbreaks, to how I don’t feel satisfied in life and I feel like I’m not cut out for this world. I know I’m not alone
The world we yearn for does not exist. We have to build it ourselves
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
I have been singing my whole life, since I was like 3 years old. But I only started writing my own original music around 16/17.
Then when I was 19, I met a guitarist and producer from Woodland Hills, CA. He was in town (Portland) visiting and we met at an open mic event, at The Society Hotel. It was a rooftop with red maple trees dancing in the wind and twinkling lights. I asked if he would play guitar for me to sing along to. After that night, he wanted to collaborate and write songs together. We then got in a professional recording studio to track the songs we had come up with. It was my very first time in a recording studio, my first time recording music with high quality gear. The producer we were recommended, was a friend of a friend who had worked with Ed Sheeran, Angel Olsen, and The Black Keys to name a few.
From then to when I was 20, I started meeting more musicians and getting exposed to the communities around me, surrounding music and art.
I ended up getting a gig selling Merch for touring musicians, at a venue called The Doug Fir Lounge.
The stage manager, Madison Sturdevant was apparently in a car with my friend Zoey; who got me that gig.
She played some of my music, and Madison said “Wow she sounds great! I want her to perform at my event ‘Girlfest Northwest’” a series of concerts organized around women who were doing music in The Pacific Northwest. She asked me to play, and I agreed to… despite not having a band, haha
I invited my friends who I had jammed with, a drummer, a bassist, and a guitarist. They agreed
We rehearsed at 6am some days because that was the only time we could all get together at my house.
Then, my drummer went to prison and the pandemic ensued shortly after. The band dissolved
Then, I got my heart shattered by a musician I was in a long distance ‘situationship’ with,
after spending 6 months bedridden and requiring a spine surgery to walk again.
Not long after, I was rear ended at a red light for the third time in my life, causing permanent damage to my neck. As soon as I could, I saved up $7,000 and eventually moved to Los Angeles to try to be with him, and pursue my dream of being a professional musician. He was signed to a label and I thought since he was able to get there, so could I.
After a year, LA had chewed me up, and spit me out. I left penniless and more disillusioned than ever.
Driving back to Washington to live with my parents. After dealing with a lot of suicidal ideation, I was visited by a friend who passed away-shortly after moving to Los Angeles.
I felt called to sign up for a credit card, and book a flight to Hawai’i. I ended up living on an organic farm before receiving $7,000 for lost wages from my car accident and was able to live off of that for a few months. After that, I left the island and moved into a friends basement where he let me stay for free (for the second time) in exchange for good company and womanly energy around.
I met a guy on a dating app who lived on Oahu. We fell in love, and then moved to Kaneohe together and lived with his grandmother, where I started my second band. Before long, it became obvious that I wasn’t going to thrive in a small town with such limited opportunities. So I took an enormous leap and moved to Hollywood, where I lived in what used to be Ice Tea’s house where he recorded his first albums in the 80’s.
Ever since Portland, I started a couple more bands, lived in a dozen other places, met many other musicians, A&R from Labels, producers. I’ve sung backup for friends on their debut albums, started producing my own music, released my own self produced project, Put together my own recording studio in Ventura county, filmed a few music videos, and most importantly, refused to give up on my dream despite being poor, chronically ill, and having no backing from anyone of influence or power in the music industry. I hope that all conveys resilience… I think it does
Is there mission driving your creative journey?
I guess I’d say my goal is to reach as many people as possible.
To impact them in a way that leaves a tangible mark in their lives. Whether I’m a reason or inspiration behind someone refusing to give up on their dream, to have the audacity to believe their voice matters in a deafening world, or to strive to connect with people around them and do whatever they can to show up for, and support struggling artists like myself.
We need each other. I’d be nowhere without the cast of people who all played a role in my ability to persevere, to believe I have value in the world, and that what I’m doing matters…even when everything in my reality seems to be showing the opposite
Contact Info:
- Instagram: instagram.com/cle0patrik
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@armorminusr
Image Credits
Obake Images Artemis Popov – returnthesun Clementine Hage