We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Sally Rose Monnes a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Sally Rose, appreciate you joining us today. What’s been the most meaningful project you’ve worked on?
As both a touring musician and the founder of a self-defense nonprofit organization, my rawest passion comes from speaking up on social issues and creating safe spaces wherever we travel. My nonprofit is called “Fight Like A Grrrl Club” as an homage to the riot grrrl movement. It is our mission to not only provide free self defense training to folks in need, but to also foster a community where individuals feels safe both in their bodies and in society. I came out two years ago as gender queer, using all pronouns (she/they/he). Although it has brought on a lot of unwarranted hate mail, it has allowed me to connect with so many other country queers that are trying to create meaningful communities.
As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?
I live in a tiny rural town with one stop light. I love my hometown and am very proud of my roots in Nelson County, VA. That being said, we have a population of about 14.000 and there isn’t a ton of diversity or representation for country queers. My bands travel a lot for touring and I try to bring home impactful lessons that I learn on the road. I have always been passionate about building community and writing songs that speak on social matters. My band Shagwuf makes an assertive effort to speak up on social injustices and support underserved artists, especially BIPOC and members of the LGBTQ+ community. In every avenue of my life, whether it be through music, the self defense club, or as a personal trainer, I try to foster that same commitment to affirmative action. I started my business “Rose & Dagger Training” in 2020, just months after the pandemic had swept the world. I had been working in the service industry for 18+ years to supplement income as a musician. As a martial artist and self defense instructor for F.L.A.G. (Fight Like A Grrrl Club), I loved finding ways to move my body in a functional and joyful way. For years friends and colleagues would ask if I would train them after expressing that they didn’t feel comfortable in your typical box gym. I decided to make the leap and start the county’s first “Queer Owned Gym”, where the focus is primarily on strength, empowerment and inclusivity. It brings me so much joy to help folks find gratitude for their bodies and all they are capable of in a place that doesn’t feel threatening to them. That is the underlying inspiration for all that I do. Between keeping a full schedule of clients through Rose & Dagger, touring both as a singer songwriter (Sally Rose) and with my band Shagwuf, and traveling to provide free self defense training with F.L.A.G Club – I have very little time to myself. I am my own leader though, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. My heart is full when I am able to make a difference, even if it is through just one person at a time.
Let’s talk about resilience next – do you have a story you can share with us?
F.L.A.G. was doing a self defense seminar as a part of a local festival some years ago. As the head instructor, I am typically in the center of the ring, coaching and demonstrating self defense tactics. This is the first time I have publicly shared this, but I was actually assaulted in the middle of running a self-defense seminar. The person who attacked me was not a stranger, as is commonly the case. He was not welcome to the private workshop, despite trying several times to come watch. This person was a fellow martial artist and had very newly started showing signs of erratic, unpredictable and concerning behavior. I had tried to enforce boundaries and let him know that he would not be welcome to watch or participate in the seminar. Day of the workshop, he walked in and started stomping, aggressively pacing back and forth. It was an uncomfortable and complex dynamic, everyone on the team knew the young man since he was a kid. When we got to the grappling and throws portion of the workshop, we went around the circle asking who’d like to volunteer to go first. The young man broke through the circle of participants and said “I’d like to volunteer”. It was incredibly unsettling. not knowing how to handle the situation, we allowed him to step into the ring. Any volunteer that steps in, would then learn how to throw an assailant over their hip. However, instead of stepping up and having my assistant instructor simulate an attack, the young man instead came from behind me and put me in rear neck choke hold. He picked me up off my feet, cutting off circulation to both arteries on my neck. I was able to throw my weight backwards, thrust myself forward and throw hm onto the ground. I’m not going to say it was pretty, because it wasn’t. I went down with him and his arm was still around my neck. I was able to break his hold, dodge him swinging at my head, and manage to get him in a controlled lock. It happened so fast that my team finally rushed in after i had handled the situation. I held him there until my assistant instructor came over, got a few punches in, and escorted him out of the area. I looked around the circle and saw the shock on everyones faces. Statistically speaking, many of our participants are victims of some form of assault. I could not let anyone who was brave enough to show up to a self defense class feel unsafe in our space. So I stood up, brushed myself off, and said “and that’s how you get out of a rear neck choke. Who’s wants to learn first?”. In a matter of minutes, I teaching a self defense course, was then assaulted, struggled and regained control, evacuated the assailant, and had to act as though it was all planned. Resilience is very much a part of my story.
Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?
As I mentioned earlier, I came out as gender non-conforming less than two years ago. It’s been a very eye-opening experience, especially in the music industry. I’ve spent my entire adult life identifying as a woman and an intersectional feminist. I spent years advocating as an ally for the LGBTQ+ community, to discover two decades later that I myself am gender queer. I am the femme presenting leader of the band, but I am also the manager, booking agent, promoter and marketing director, tour manager, etc. Even just as a cis woman it was always an uphill battle trying to garner the respect I deserved as the leader of the band. I would spend 6 months planning a tour, be the sole contact for the venue, and still when I would walk in the door with the band they would look at me and say “the merch table is over there, ma’am” or “groupies aren’t allowed in the green room”. Venue managers would assume payment should be handed to the men in the band (when I handle all of our finances and taxes). Thankfully, times have changed and so has the industry in regards to how women are treated. I have built enough of a name for myself at this point that I don’t have to deal with that side of sexism as much anymore. That being said, gender queerness is still such a new concept for so many. Now it feels like I am navigating a whole new landscape of uphill battles. As someone who uses all pronouns, I personally do not feel misgendered when people use she/her pronouns (in reference to me). More so, it just feels like that person is only acknowledging a small part of who I am as a whole. The most recent and genuine pivot in my career as both a musician and founder of a non profit has been unlearning many social constructs that feel limiting to me as a non binary person. The non profit organization has also had to shift its voice and mission for the same reasons. Fight Like A Grrrl Club was originally formed as a women’s self defense club in hopes to redefine what it meant to “fight like a girl” – something that all 90s kids heard growing up. As I started to learn more about my own gender expression and identity, it became very clear that we would need to both broaden our language and scope by being more inclusive of all genders/identities. We have decided for now to keep our namesake, as we still love the message it conveys. It’s so lovely that the spectrums of both queerness and gender have grown exponentially. I can proudly say that I am still a woman, but also feel very masculine and at times entirely genderless. With every new discovery in this journey however, I am trying to shift and incorporate new truth to stay as authentic as possible in both my music and work life.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.sallyrosemusic.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cowboi_sweetheart/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shagwuf
- Twitter: https://twitter.com/shagwuf?lang=en
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/sallyrosemusic
- Other: https://www.shagwuf.com/ https://www.instagram.com/shagwuf/?hl=en https://www.fightlikeagrrrl.org/ https://www.roseanddaggertraining.com/
Image Credits
Rich Tarbell