Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Ruth Nemzoff. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.

Ruth, thanks for taking the time to share your stories with us today Alright – so having the idea is one thing, but going from idea to execution is where countless people drop the ball. Can you talk to us about your journey from idea to execution?

My own children were approaching their late 20s and 30s and I noticed that, at cocktail parties, all my friends were talking about the ways they were involved in and concerned about the lives of their emerging adult children. So I started informally interviewing people everywhere I went – on planes, trains, buses. They said, “I have so much I want to say to my children, but I bite my tongue,” and I thought about all the wisdom that was being wasted. On the other hand, young people I talked to felt like their parents were overbearing in their unwanted advice.

Thus, I started reading academic and popular literature about emerging adulthood. That led me to give a lecture at the Brandeis Women’s Studies Research Center in 2003. At the end of the lecture, Rosalind Chaitt-Barnett, a well-published author, asked me if I’d like to write a book with her on this topic. Thrilled and scared, I agreed. I did not think of myself as a good writer. I had been a teacher, professor, and state legislator, but at that point, I never had dreams of being an author. But opportunity was knocking.

Dr. Barnett and I outlined the book, wrote a proposal, and for five years tried to sell it to editors, most of whom were in their 30s. They said, “There’s no book here, my parents don’t ‘parent’ me.” The week after I spoke on a panel about failing at publishing, a woman I had met at a wedding several years before was promoted to Head of Parenting at Palgrave/Macmillan. She called the bride and asked about that wedding guest that was writing a book on adult children. Two weeks later, I had a contract. Dr. Barnett was busy with a huge grant, so we decided she would write the preface and I would write the book. I shared some of the advance with her.

I was in a panic, I had no idea how to write a book. My adult children advised me to either get rid of the contract or figure out a way to do it. If I’m writing a book about parenting adult children, I should take their advice. I called my old college roomate, Eleanor Yudin Sachse, who told me she’d work with me, so we agreed to talk over the phone once a week. Then, I hired a student, Brooke Rosenbauer, who I met with once a week. I then asked my wonderful editor, Luba Ostashevsky, “How does one work with an editor?” She replied some just hand her the book, others meet with her weekly. I met with her weekly. Now I had a plan. I had 3 people I could talk to about the book. Time to get to work.

I sat down in front of my computer and started writing. I worked in my study and could only appear for meals. My daughter and her family were living with me at the time. She was very supportive and agreed to take over the cooking – it takes a village for me to write a book.

I began a routine. I woke up at 7am, worked until 11, swam, worked until 2, took a bike ride, took a short break for dinner, and then worked until 11 at night. I did this for a month, until my 4 year old granddaughter said, “Mama Ruth, all you ever do is write your silly book. You never play with us.” I realized I needed to add a third break to play with my grandchildren. Each one of these breaks helped me think through the next chapter.

I finished the book in 6 months. My publisher gave me 3 months of publicity. After that, I was on my own. I talked to everyone I knew and, eventually, a few speaking opportunities materialized. I knew I had to do well in them. If I did, maybe someone in the audience would recommend me for their next event. That’s exactly what happened.

7 countries and 400+ speaking engagements later, I have published another book, wrote columns for the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Huffington Post and am now working on a third book, about Grandparenting. I’ve learned that writing is only part of being a writer, one needs to be a savvy promoter.. I’ve also learned that, while good writing is important, getting people excited to read your book is just as important.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

Dr. Ruth Nemzoff is the author of Don’t Roll Your Eyes: Making In-Laws Into Family (Palgrave/Macmillan, 2012) and Don’t Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding Relationships With Your Adult Children (Palgrave/Macmillan, 2008) and a frequent speaker on family dynamics. She is an affiliated scholar at Brandeis University Women’s Studies Research Center.
Dr. Nemzoff was Assistant Minority Leader of the New Hampshire Legislature and New Hampshire Deputy Commissioner of Health and Welfare. She holds a doctorate in social policy from Harvard University, an MA in counseling from Columbia University and BA from Barnard College, and her papers are archived at Harvard University’s Schlesinger Library.

Dr. Nemzoff has served as a trustee of Lasell Village Retirement Community. Currently, she is on the board of 18 Doors: Unlocking Jewish, the Advisory Committee of the Jewish Grandparents Network, and the Hadassah Brandeis Institute. She is the advice columnist for the American Israelite. She and her late husband have four adult children, four in-law children and eleven grandchildren.

Have you ever had to pivot?

Throughout my life, I have had to pivot to fit my family life with my work life. I was dragged, kicking and screaming, to New Hampshire by my husband. I didn’t like it there. I had to figure out how to make myself happy. I applied to Graduate School and traveled to Harvard twice a week. Then, I took on the challenge of running for office. I had never licked a political stamp before, let alone been involved in politics, but this became a fruitful career as a state legislator and political appointee. When the governor who appointed me not only lost the election, but died, the new Administration, as is customary, fired me from my position. I had to pivot again. We moved back to Boston, and I fulfilled my lifelong dream of becoming a Professor. I worked at Bentley University for 15 years until my department was closed down. So once again, I pivoted. I became an author, and that led me to this whole new career as a speaker.

I took advantage of the opportunities I had, but I made those opportunities available by working hard and never being afraid to confront and figure out new challenges.

For you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative?

The most rewarding aspect of being an author is people calling or writing to express what a difference I have made in their personal lives.

One woman called me to say that, when her grandchild was born, she left a message on her daughter’s phone, and said “Honey, I want to be supportive of you, so if I do anything wrong, just call me up and tell me what page to turn to in Dr. Nemzoff’s book.”

Another woman is forever grateful because she and her adopted daughter were battling. After reading my book, she and her daughter found the tools to talk openly and honestly. From time to time, she writes a note to tell me that things are still going well and how grateful she is to be close to her daughter again.

Currently, in my talks about Grandparenting, I am confronted with issues surrounding intermarriage.. The grandparents often express gratitude for my advice in helping to balance their values with the values of their children and grandchildren. It is this reinforcement and gratitude that is driving me to complete my current book on Grandparenting.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.ruthnemzoff.com/
• Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/ruth-nemzoff-56362ab
• Twitter: @RuthNemzoff