We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Rodney “C” Burris . We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Rodney below.

Alright, Rodney thanks for taking the time to share your stories and insights with us today. Parents can play a significant role in affecting how our lives and careers turn out – and so we think it’s important to look back and have conversations about what our parents did that affected us positive (or negatively) so that we can learn from the billions of experiences in each generation. What’s something you feel your parents did right that impacted you positively.

I remember the conversation vividly.
My dad set there in the truck, looked at me and said, “you are strong enough to be weak.” I was like, “what?”. He said it again:

“You are strong enough to be weak.”

Although I didn’t understand at the time, the conversation between us that followed was about to become one of the most impactful lessons on emotional intelligence that I would ever encounter in my life.

You see, my dad was trying to tell me this one thing: that for all of his life he had learned to be stern. Hard. Tough. Rigid. Unbending. And it served him well throughout his life as a boxer and as construction worker-turned-company-owner. And yet, this trait was also the main reason why he found himself in several street fights, in and out of prisons, and with a string of not-so-happy relationships.

His strengths were also his greatest weakness.

In his own words, he “was strong enough to be strong, but not strong enough to allow himself to be weak.” And somehow, he was trying to — in the best way he knew how — convey to me that he was Proud of me…for being like him, yet being different from him.

He was saying that at a young age (I was in my 20s at the time), I seemed to understand enough about life, myself, and my-sense-of-self to feel confident enough to feel feelings, and express emotions, and most importantly, that I made others around me comfortable enough to do the same. He said, “you are strong enough to even appear weak.”

In that moment he used the imagery of the Palm tree and the Oak tree.

Both of these trees found themselves in the midst of a great storm doing their best to weather it. Every time the gales blew and switched directions the Palm found itself bowed to the ground, giving in to the gusts and whipping rain. Meanwhile, the mighty Oak, robust and strong, withstood it all, unflinchingly throughout the night. In the morning, the green fronds of the Palm, shiny from the powerful rinsing rain, adorned the body of the palm in the sunlight. The mighty, sturdy, unbendable body of that grand Oak lay prone on the ground beside it.

Both had the strength to withstand that storm.
But only one of them also had the emotional intelligence…

… to be weak enough to actually weather it.

Lessons from My Dad.

– RodneyCBurris

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

I’m an Emotional Intelligence Expert. — What does that mean? Well in a nutshell I am really good at helping people understand themselves, and then act differently & better, as a result of that newfound understanding. This increased ability has shown itself to positively improve romantic relationships, parental relationships, pastoral relationships and professional relationships. — Most of all, it has shown itself to improve productivity in the workplace. Because of this impact, I had begun to be requested around the nation, as well as in a few different countries. This efficacy and impact is how I came to be known as an expert in Emotional Intelligence.

What makes me effective?

Edu-Tainment: The Rodney C. Burris Difference

I believe what sets me a part in the world of personal development & emotional intelligence is my unique approach, which I call “Edu-tainment.” Sessions with me, Rodney C Burris, are a dynamic blend of education and entertainment, making the learning experience impactful, memorable, and, at times, life-changing. This innovative approach is the reason why my workshops and seminars are among the most sought-after in colleges, corporations, nonprofits, and schools worldwide.

Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?

Earlier in my career, my wife and I were expecting two little bundles of joy — Aaliyah and Anthony. I was working a nonprofit job and needed some additional money. I had a coworker who was like a mentor/big brother to me. He took me under his wing, sat me down, and did a comprehensive job search with me.

We found an opportunity that was looking for funny, engaging, positive and magnetic individuals who could capture the hearts & minds of an audience — particularly a high school audience. The goal was to equip these students (and their families) with the tools, information and products to help them make the most out of the next several years post high school graduation.

All I needed to do was send in a video of me talking for about 5 minutes or so on any topic of my choosing. — Now, back then, lol there was no uploading. Instead, a physical hardcopy had to be made, put on some cassette or disc, and sent in. My mentor was soooooo happy for me. He said that this opportunity was going to revolutionize my life, and that I was on my way Straight to the Top! He marched me around to all the managers of our company, and told them, “Guys, get to know Rodney Now, He wont be with us long, he found this opportunity tailor-made for him, and he’s gonna be taking off like a rocket soon…” He was so proud of me. All I had to do was do a video.

But I was scared.

Actually, I just had debilitating insecurity that was masked by an extroverted personality. On the outside, I seemed bright, chipper, happy, well-pleased, intentional, focused. On the inside however, my infrastructure was wafer-thin, the result of a lifetime (childhood) of instability, let-downs, protective bubbles, transient fatherhood frequent house moves/relocations, etc. I just didnt have the substance of a person with good foundation. So although outwardly I seemed cool, calm and collected, on the inside, I was miserable. — But sense I knew how to put on a show, people always seemed to gravitate towards the extroversion, while overlooking the empty depression beneath. So when my mentor sent me home that Friday to go make the video (and start this journey), I knew as I was leaving that I had no intention of recording that video.

I had all kinds of excuses:
“I needed a haircut..”
“I didnt have time…”
“The weekend was extremely busy…”

BUT my ace in the hole was going to be this little nugget right here:

“I didnt have a recording device…”

And it was true. I didnt.
The problem is that James had one that I could’ve used, but I talked myself out of asking for it (“perhaps it would be inappropriate…etc”)

Needless to say, when I returned to work on Monday and James met me at the door, I should’ve not been shocked to hear him ask me how did my video submission went.
And to tell the truth I wasn’t shocked…by that.

But I was completely taken aback by his Response, once I told him I hadn’t done it.

He. Became. Incensed.

At first he tried to wrap his mind around the lame excuses I was offering. When we both realized that those were empty at best, we then both came to accept that I simply didnt do it out of fear and self doubt.

James was livid.

He was so proud of me, and so happy for me earlier; all of that passion turned into a sort of righteous disappointment. He told me “Dont you Ever let someone be more happy about your future than you are for yourself.” And with that, he walked me back around to each manager, saying that he “Apologized” on my behalf, that I actually didnt believe in myself enough to put forth the effort, and that I would in fact be going Nowhere.

OUCH. … I was crushed.

But I didn’t realize that tough treatment actually boosted within me an inner grit to reevaluate and do better. That week, I got a haircut, found a recording device and talked to an imaginary group in my room about the fatherhood project I was passionate about.

And I sent it in…

I don’t know if James was a psychic or if he just had a lot of good faith and good will for me as his little honorary bro, because he was Exactly Right. My experience with that company was the first in a healthy succession of companies that had me driving all over the city, traveling up and down the state, and flying all around the world. I have been to 4 of our seven continents, multiple countries, and almost every single State in the Union.

He gave me permission to pursue My Dream.

And now, I just want to do the same for others.

-RCB

Any advice for managing a team?

In 1972, the term soft skills first hit the American lexicon. Introduced by a high ranking military officer at a national conference, it was spoken as a way to designate all of the necessary skills needed for effective leadership that did not include heavy machinery. Over the following 50 years it slowly became to be known as the ‘unimportant’ skills; the other unmentionables that we as professionals must acknowledge, but which dont add any real value. Thus in effect, the term soft skills became somewhat of a byword — and any focus on them seemed to become viewed as antithetical, if not unnecessary, to true growth as a professional.

Pivotal to this category was the skill of emotional intelligence (EQ). Introduced in the 1990s, it is the measure of four components: one’s ability to know what they are feeling; one’s ability to adjust personal-behavior based on those feelings; one’s ability to understand what others may be feeling in a particular moment; one’s ability to adjust how they interact with those others, based on this understanding. — One’s capability to merge all of these seamlessly is what defines one’s level of emotional intelligence.

But because the soft skills were being overlooked in the American workplace for their impact, leaders began to focus on more on tangible production metrics of their work, while losing access to the strength that makes them most effective as a leader–

–their ability to relate.

Emotional Intelligence Scores go Down as We move Up the Corporate Ladder

A chart provided by the Forbes.com shows a very interesting dynamic:

That as we go up the corporate ladder, our Emotional Intelligence scores (EQ) go down!

This is because we have learned to promote one another on our capability to produce — and not necessarily on our ability to relate.

The dynamic then becomes apparent: the best of us at *doing* the job are not necessarily the best at *connecting* with people.

— Yet Leadership is nothing if not at its essence a measure of our ability to effectively influence.

This is why Emotional Intelligence Training is Key.

Admittedly, I began undergoing this training very early in life. In fact, one of the most poignant moments came from my father.

Contact Info:

• Website: www.RodneyCBurris.com
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rodney.c.burris/
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rodney.c.burris/
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rodneycburris/
• Twitter: https://twitter.com/rodneycburris
• Other: https://tiktok.com/rodneycburris

Image Credits
-pamperrypr -ThroughHerEyes photography -Shot by Ry-G