All action begins with a thought, sometimes a realization that rises from within.

I have lived a series of disheartening circumstances where facing truly daunting challenges ultimately allowed me to discover new ways of being. I was able to use these experiences as catalysts towards change, and while difficult, I found strength and joy during the transformation process.

I will share one of the major risks I took, to share the lessons that were key first steps towards aligning my actions with my heart, as these lessons may help others. Everyone’s circumstances and experiences are their own, but they may recognize some of these lessons or remember them when the time is right for the seeds to sprout and grow when the season beckons.

Some years ago, I passed through many dark hours when I could feel that my actions were not aligned with my heart. Deep inside, I knew I was made for something greater than I allowed myself to be. Early on in life, I found myself in a pattern of being trapped in negative circumstances with no power or voice. I learned that the price of staying in that pattern was far worse than the cost of the unknown. That is why I am passionate about anyone’s ability to change the trajectory of their life. I have been there and lived it myself.

Now, in my fifties, I feel more confident and empowered than ever. Here are some important lessons that life has taught me:

Stop Being a Victim of Circumstances

As I said, every action begins with a thought.
If all your time is spent contemplating problems instead of focusing on solutions, you will struggle to escape the feelings of helplessness. Inevitably, yes, there will be problems and circumstances beyond your control. But your state of mind, how you respond to those challenges, and how you embrace the aspects in your control will determine the outcome. When you take the first step toward your dreams, although something in you may feel utterly terrified, there will also be a source more powerful than you, silently nudging you forward. The first challenge is to allow yourself moments of solitude and reflection to listen. That may mean a walk in nature, sitting quietly in your car, or getting up early before the day’s demands start; it does not have to be anything elaborate.

Take Heart

We have all felt stagnant or even stuck at times. Taking the first step toward a new life can seem paralyzing, yet if we don’t, we risk living a life unaligned with who we know we are. The principle of “don’t die with your music still in you” has carried me through many moments when I knew a choice had to be made.

Say No

Life is too short to be a chronic people-pleaser, constantly putting others’ wants above your own. As many girls and young women know, setting boundaries can be challenging in a world that expects politeness and submissiveness.

Bending over backward and making unnecessary sacrifices to make other people’s lives easier at your expense often strips one of discovering your own “power”. Although it may seem foreign, it is ok for you to choose yourself. Here is a way to begin:

From your thoughts, start taking small steps, little actions to affirm your realizations. Begin to establish boundaries and resolve not to back down from your considered convictions. This is a skill like anything else and can be developed step by step.

Use minor opportunities to learn to say no. You don’t owe anything to anyone. There is a great deal of power in saying no, and in respecting yourself by doing so.

From thoughts to actions, establishing boundaries and maintaining them, you can find your voice. Through practice, you will discover it is ok, even admired, to take up space (don’t be ashamed of it). This can be learned also, it is the practice of saying yes to yourself.

Whether you seek freedom and fulfillment through incremental, considered changes or whether you know you have to muster the courage to make major changes, you will feel so much better when you regain control of your life. Trust me… I know. When you reach your fifties, you will see that breaking the mold as a “difficult woman” can be a wonderful, empowering feeling.

Move Out of the Fast Lane

In my early thirties, having made some progress with these lessons, I started becoming aware that I had to see, to decide, and to shape who I really am. I realized that life in the fast lane was empty and exhausting. Failure to attend to your mental, physical, and spiritual health can quickly run you into the ground. I spent the next twenty years working through therapy, yoga, self-help books, and books written by strong women who seized control of their lives. I realized that labels — mom, friend, wife, athlete, educator — didn’t define who I was. I deserved more than those stereotypes. I am those and also much more than those roles alone. So are you.

Find Magic in the Little Steps

Begin by being kind to yourself. There will always be demands trying to pry focus away from your hopes and dreams. Bills to pay. Chores to complete. Laundry to do. It’s perilously easy to let the noise of human existence sweep you away.

But I find peace when I am able to use these mundane moments intentionally to reflect on important questions and to hear my voice within. What legacy do I want to leave behind? What long-term goals do I want to work toward?

Those questions and answers may reveal significant changes. Start with a thought, a plan, then a small step forward. Then another. And another, until that daydream becomes real progress toward your goal. The magic is in the little steps that compound movement into what will become a fantastic journey.

See Your True Self in the Mirror

Another way to access these insights comes when you look at your reflection: what do you see? Maybe you run your fingers through your hair and sigh at the number of grays that continue to multiply. Or you push the skin back on your face to temporarily erase the wrinkles and turn back the clock for a moment.

Imagine the liberation of NOT focusing on the flaws; imagine instead seeing the joy behind your smile, the loving soul peering back at you from your eyes and seeing a robust and healthy body, uniquely yours and worthy of loving.

You deserve that.

You do. See yourself, your true self inside. You deserve love and to love. Embrace the essence of you along with your body as it ages, flaws and all. If you take the time to nourish it with good food, treat it with respect, tone it with exercise, recharge it with sleep, and pay attention to its emotional and spiritual needs, you’ll learn to be kinder to yourself. You deserve your own respect, love, and kindness.

These lessons are glimpses of ways to see yourself, recognize and respect yourself, and formulate actions that open the way. It takes courage, discipline, and hard work. It’s not easy to reach that goal. Change is not linear, and we’re all moving through different stages. You will come to know which small steps are for you, which will begin to move you forward. Take them.

I promise there is purpose and value in committing to a more fulfilling life. You are worth facing the mirror and loving the person staring back at you.