We’re excited to introduce you to the always interesting and insightful Rebecca Dollard . We hope you’ll enjoy our conversation with Rebecca below.

Rebecca , appreciate you joining us today. Let’s kick things off with a hypothetical question – if it were up to you, what would you change about the school or education system to better prepare students for a more fulfilling life and career?

The biggest thing students need for a more fulfilling life and career is emotional IQ and resilience. Emotional IQ is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways. EQ is commonly defined by self- management, self-awareness, social awareness, and relationship management.
For quite a while our culture has been hyper-focused on behavior modification and performance. But behavior is DRIVEN by our emotions and our ability to process and respond in healthy ways. When you give people the compassion, empathy, and boundaries to be able to deal with their driving system of emotions- you give that person the keys to thriving in every area of life.

Most people I encounter as a life coach didn’t learn essential tools for creating and maintaining healthy mental and emotional health or relationships (both family and business). Most adults and children are struggling with being human more than the in and out daily tasks and pressures. We need to truly change the educational system to prioritize and teach students how their nervous systems work and especially prioritizing emotional IQ and resilience. When a person has not just control, but healthy empathy for their experience, they become unstoppable in their potential.

Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.

When I had my second kiddo, I saw it. I saw that the moms right in front of me were struggling just as badly as I had. They felt lonely in the hard deep stuff that was going on beyond the parenting struggles. But no one was talking about it. No one was talking about anxiety, identity, or the marriage struggles. Not in healing ways. That’s when I saw the need for community and support that was about who we are, not just the way we parent. We needed spaces to talk about the messy things with grace. We needed someone who was looking out for us, because it’s way to easy to forget ourselves in the push and pull of motherhood.

Moms are quite literally caring for and doing ALL the things and often find themselves forgotten on the bottom of a never ending to do list. That’s where I come in- to help them remember how to belong to themselves and their lives again. I am a life coach and mentor. I work with women from a holistic standpoint- there live is an integrated and unique system. I help women get clarity around what is and isn’t working and then change that with grace.

My favorite thing in my work is to watch a womans life come back to her eyes. When I see her start to support herself and then that life and energy flows back into her family. I’ve started incorporating my enneagram coaching certification into what I do as well so that women can understand their core driving forces and see their red flags and blind spots. As my favorite Brene Brown says- we have to talk about the things that get in the way. We have to be aware of those things and also what we love and need so that we can create wholehearted brave lives.
I have watched women totally re-imagine their lives, marriages, work, and families. I have helped women find energy, joy, and peace even in the midst of really hard seasons. I have gotten to bear witness to the truth that when a mom has what she needs- her whole family thrives because of it.

I don’t believe in selling women on some perfect pinterest worthy life. Many in the coaching industry contribute even further to the completely unrealistic images and expectations we have as women. This isn’t some fluffy concept either. I work with women daily who are drowning or overwhelmed by the stress, anxiety, shame, and imposter syndrome that comes from people trying to sell us some easy fluffy perfect life. Whether that perfect image is one of a mom-preneur who seamlessly balances work she loves and her family or the stay home mom with a perfect home and neat obedient children.

I believe we deserve better than that. I believe in a wholehearted healthy life. I also don’t think we can ever outrun or out work our humanness. I think we make room and space for it. We expand into our own lives and learn to take up healed space. We learn to fail wildly and be messy and FREE. That’s what sets me apart as a coach. I know women want a beautiful life, but I also don’t want them chasing something they will never have (perfection). I help women know how to have the freedom and ease of being human while also creating a life she loves living in- every single day. Not just the high moments of joy, I also want her to be able to honor the low moments with care and connection. That’s what I do as a coach- I help women love their every day REAL lives and relationships by learning to love herself. The relationship a woman has with herself will be mirrored into everything she does. Healing the systems heals the symptoms.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

A lesson I had to unlearn was that a good life would come from my circumstances. As a young girl, and then a young adult, I was always chasing the thing that would make me feel happy, complete, or good. Those outside circumstances are our location, our vocations, and even relationships. It’s the things that we think build our lives. I was always trying. Trying to be a good Christian. A good wife. A good woman. A good friend. A good body. A good business. I was trying so hard to earn my worth from what I did.

That “thing”, that thing I chased was motherhood and marriage. I had always wanted to be a wife and a mom. I got there and finally had everything I had ever wanted- but inside I still felt like that broken insecure high school girl playing pretend. I kept praying to wake up to that picture perfect life that was sold to us. I found new ways to try to earn my life.

Each of us have these false summits and circumstances that we think will make us happy or feel good. I call them our when, thens. When we finally have money, then we will have peace and abundance. When I’m a stay home mom, then I would be present with my kids. When my husband changes, then I would feel good and be happy. When I lose weight, I will feel confident and sexy. When I have 5 clients, then I will be a successful coach. When my kids are bigger, then I will prioritize myself. When I become an entrepreneur, then I’ll have the time and money to rest. When, then. We keep waiting on a destination, a false summit to fix us. We keep waiting for life to be easy. Waiting and running and working so hard to fix the parts of life that are human.

We put all our hope and contentment into something outside our control. It leaves us running on a hamster wheel- no matter how fast we run- we never get there. Or we do get there and we realize- all that internal stuff like our thoughts, emotions, fears, and issues- they follow us. We keep moving the goal. We keep playing at a game that can’t be won.

What I learned is that it isn’t about the circumstance or the location but your experience. The way you are thinking, feeling, and responding. And that- that is completely inside your control. We often focus so hard on things we don’t control and it leaves us a victim to our lives and circumstances. The very principles that saved my life- have now created the foundation for my business. Not just as a life coach but as an entrepreneur. I didn’t wait for my business to make me happy. I didn’t wait for a certain outcome to have peace or have fun. I made it. And that’s what I help people do as a coach. Many women that I work with have very real struggles that are outside her realm of control. I help her to see that she can change her entire experience of life- even if the circumstances don’t change. We have a massive impact when we stop trying to control our lives into our perfect when, then. We waste so much energy trying to make life what it should be, instead of approaching it as it is. When you spend your life trying to perfect it to enjoy it, you miss out on actually living that life.

We’d love to hear the story of how you built up your social media audience?

When I started dreaming of the impact my business could have not just on my life but on so many womens lives – the biggest thing that I thought was in my way was social media.

Before launching my social media for business, I had been off of facebook for over 2 yrs and barely used instagram. Social media was a massive past trigger for my past wounding of people pleasing, anxiety, and perfectionism. I had made strict boundaries in my life with anything that was stealing my peace, joy, or energy in my life. Could I re-join this platform in such a “public” way with people watching me and interacting without losing my peace?
I was terrified about what people would think of me and equally afraid to not be seen or heard or successful. I had all these fears of looking silly, dumb, not enough or not being seen at all. I had all these imposter syndrome fears about what I was about to do. I knew really well what people “want” to see. What was attractive. But I’ve played that game and know that what people really need is to be messy humans again. Honest but hope filled. Messy but seeped in worthiness.
The double edge sword with healing from people pleasing is I knew exactly how to be liked and get applause and say and do the right things to get people to like me- but could I instead just be me? The true honest imperfect and messy but healing whole perfect me? Could I do that now not just in my every day life, but on a platform that seems to scream for the opposite- especially from moms.

When I started- I couldn’t imagine how something that used to be debilitating to me has now become life giving, not just to me but thousands of women. From the beginning, and still to this day- I don’t focus on growing a following, a presence, or an audience. I just think about how I can help 1 person through that tool. I look for people to connect with and serve. I encourage others. I show up as me and let that be enough. Sure, I learned strategy. I learned how to create- but at the beginning especially-
I let myself be messy. I let myself be nervous and afraid and I did it anyway because I had a reason to show up- there was a mom out there praying for my story, for my work and what I do. And if I didn’t show up and be seen- she would never know. I showed up to my work of healing my fears and insecurities around being seen, around success, around risking and trying and being misjudged or risking being not liked.

Social media is just a tool. It can be a tool of connection and health if you have clean boundaries and goals and beliefs to use it by. My greatest advice for social media, especially for a business- is to find a life coach to support you. Someone to help you navigate not just your strategy, but also your beliefs and thoughts and boundaries with it.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.themotherhoodmentor.co/
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themotherhoodmentor/?hl=en
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/themotherhoodmentor/

Image Credits
first photo- https://www.instagram.com/shutterchicphoto/?hl=en second photo-https://www.instagram.com/rachelcoxphoto/?hl=en and orange couch photo photo of me on blue couch- https://www.instagram.com/locallie_yours/?hl=en