We recently connected with Ramon Presson and have shared our conversation below.
Ramon, appreciate you joining us today. Do you have a hero? What have you learned from them?
Most people know Dr. Gary Chapman as the author of the mega best-seller, “The Five Love Languages.” When someone learns that I had worked on staff with Dr. Chapman or that I’ve co-authored some books with him, I’m often quick to add “I’ve known Gary since I was 14 years-old and I can confirm that he’s the real deal.” I’m so quick with that addendum because I want people to know that in the current age of celebrity authors and speakers who publicly write and speak one message but privately live a different one, there are some very authentic people out there who can be trusted. There are men and women of character and integrity who are truly worthy of the term “role model.” Dr. Gary Chapman is one of them.
Despite his notoriety, I’ve always known Gary Chapman to be humble, approachable, and generous with himself. Once after Gary had spoken at a major conference, I observed him patiently engaging person after person in conversation. Standing next to his wife Karolyn, I whispered to her, “Sometimes I don’t think Gary realizes who he is.” She smiled and replied, “I know, and let’s not tell him.”
In December 2019, Gary Chapman heard from someone that my mother was dying. He came to visit me at her bedside at hospice there in Winston-Salem. Dr. Chapman is a very busy person, hospice was across town, and I’m not anybody famous or important. Less than a week later when I was leading my mother’s memorial service in her tiny church in Lewisville, Gary was in attendance. He didn’t really know my Mom; he was there to support me. After the service, someone said to me, “Wow, you must be pretty special for Gary Chapman to be here.” I replied, “Gary is not here because I’m that special. He’s here because he is that special.”
I realize the danger of putting a mere man or woman on a pedestal. But I need a role model. I need a reliable trail guide. I need an inspiring hero. Dr. Gary Chapman is mine.
Awesome – so before we get into the rest of our questions, can you briefly introduce yourself to our readers.
I’m a licensed marriage & family therapist, have been in practice for 30+ years, and I’m the founder of Marriage Counseling Center of Franklin. I’m a weekly newspaper columnist and author of a dozen books, and the co-author with Dr. Gary Chapman of a trilogy of books.
My wife, Dorrie, and I have been married for 36 years and we have two amazing young adult sons, Trevor and Cameron. We met in grad school at Florida State University where I was completing my Master’s degree in counseling. I knew when I was a junior in high school I wanted to be a counselor. C’mon, what teenager subscribes to Psychology Today magazine? Well, I did. Sometime during my senior year I glued an engraved nameplate onto the front of my bedroom door which read Dr. Ramon Presson, a visual reminder of what I believed to be my calling and destiny.
I remember at an early age being intrigued about what makes people tick and what makes people happy or hurt. I noticed how people were feeling, and I cared about what they were experiencing. It feels like I’ve been a counselor my entire life, and I guess I have been. I’m not sure what “retirement” will mean because I cannot envision my life not being a people helper in some capacity, whether that’s full-time or part-time, paid or volunteer. The same is true about writing. I don’t foresee a life that doesn’t involve writing. When something is who you are versus just something you do or something you get paid to do, can you ever really stop?
My primary work is in counseling with couples and with individuals who are struggling with marital concerns. What brings many couples and individuals to relationship therapy is the desire to reduce their conflict and increase their connection and closeness. Other couples are experiencing the drift from originally being friends and lovers to living more like roommates and co-managers. Because more marriages die from slow and gradual erosion than a sudden and dramatic explosion, a key part of my work is helping couples become friends and lovers again, stopping the erosion and reversing the drift.
That being said, sudden and dramatic explosions can and sometimes do happen in a marriage. One such explosive event is an exposed affair. On any given day I’m usually counseling with at least one couple recovering from some level and duration of emotional and/or physical infidelity. Affair recovery work involves helping one spouse heal from betrayal trauma while helping the other partner to not drown in guilt and shame. I guide the couple in rebuilding trust and restoring the connection. Honestly, it’s some of the hardest but most rewarding work I do because first of all, the recovery rate is quite high for such couples who promptly seek help from a trained and experienced couples therapist. And secondly, it’s very meaningful to be trusted by a couple to walk with them through one of the darkest seasons of their lives, to help them repair their individual and relational brokenness, and to be able to witness their transformation
Beyond my therapy practice, I work with entrepreneurs in strengthening their marriage through my coaching program called “The Married Entrepreneur.” I help entrepreneurs improve and strengthen their marriage, and as a result preserve the business and the gains they’ve worked so hard for. I believe that a happier marriage is ultimately good for business.
It comes with the territory of being a relationship therapist, that I have a lot of experience in divorce recovery work. In fact, I’m featured as one of the experts in the curriculum for DivorceCare, the largest divorce recovery program in the world. As a therapist, I get a weekly reminder of just how disruptive and painful divorce is, and how it leaves no area of life untouched. I’m glad to walk together with the wounded through that wilderness toward healing, recovery, and growth. But I prefer to help men and women prevent such an agony and help them avoid having to travel that terrain.
Tennessee ranks 2nd in the nation in per-capita divorce. And the TN counties that lead the state in income also lead the state in divorce. That means there is a higher percentage of successful professionals, creatives, business leaders, and entrepreneurs (and their families) suffering from divorce than is the general population. I don’t have any grandiose belief that I’m going to single-handedly stem the tide and reverse the trend. I do, however, want to do what I can and do what I know is effective in strengthening and saving a marriage for those willing to ask for help and motivated to do the work. I want to show up for those folks.
What do you find most rewarding about being a creative?
For me the most rewarding aspect of being a creative and a solopreneur is having freedom of purpose. I don’t take it for granted that I have the freedom to determine my priorities and goals, to select my strategies and tools, and to set my own schedule. Liberty isn’t to be confused with license, however. Freedom doesn’t mean I can do just whatever I want. The freedom to choose always includes the responsibility to choose wisely. In the work of therapy there are important ethical and legal guidelines, and in writing there are established and proven principles, but I see those boundaries as the protective banks of a wide and flowing river of options and as the wise fence that encircles a large playground of opportunities.
My father was a postal worker and my mother was a secretary, both honorable jobs for certain. But neither of my parents could steer far off the path that was set for them in those roles. Neither vocation encouraged or fostered much creativity and innovation. I think my Dad probably struggled with that the most. Sorting and delivering mail was not the dream job of a man who loved stand-up comedy and who himself was a comic, and a man who read and wrote poetry, and journaled with an artistic penmanship. I’m grateful to both my parents for encouraging me to identify my calling, not just find a job.
I’m an only child so I am naturally independent and self-sufficient. It’s not surprising that I’m self-employed and in private practice. I playfully tell folks that I have a wonderful boss who is always telling me what a great job I’m doing and who is very understanding when I need some time off. It’s not that I’m not a team player or that I have a problem with authority figures or that I resist following leadership. It’s that I’ve learned to trust my instincts as a therapist and a writer. That self-trust doesn’t lead to complacency or a resistance to feedback. On the contrary, I stay curious. I love to learn. I’m always reading and studying the work of experts in their field because I want to keep growing and improving.
In summary, for me personally, having freedom of purpose and a clarified calling combined with a creative bent and an unquenchable curiosity has made for a profoundly rewarding life.
What do you think is the goal or mission that drives your creative journey?
I know this is going to sound cheesy, but it’s the truth. I want to make a positive difference in the lives of others. Specifically, I wish to be an encourager in whatever personal relationship or professional role I’m in. Whether I’m operating in the moment as a therapist, a coach, a writer, or a speaker, I want to be an encourager. I was once asked which Biblical character I most identified with and I responded by naming a behind-the-scenes figure in the New Testament named Barnabas who was an early supporter and mentor to a younger and rough-around-the-edges Apostle Paul. The text in the book of Acts even tells us that the name Barnabas means “son of encouragement.” That is what I want to always be at my core. That is what I feel my calling is. Frederick Buechner wrote that our calling is where our deep gladness and the world’s great hunger meet. My deep gladness is in instilling hope, in lightening the burden. My deep gladness is coming alongside someone in an uphill journey.
One of the most influential books I’ve read in the last 10 years is Dan Sullivan’s “Who Do You Want to Be a Hero To?” (I strongly recommend the audio version.) Dan Sullivan is a business expert and the founder of Strategic Coach. He urges everyone to identify the group or the type of people they want to be a hero to. Being a hero is not about being a rescuer or being admired like a Marvel superhero. What Sullivan means by being a hero is “utilizing your unique capabilities and coming alongside others to help them expand their capabilities.”
My wife, Dorrie, is an outstanding and expert career coach. Nothing brings her more delight than seeing her clients succeed. She is being a hero to people in career transitions. Dorrie comes alongside her clients with her unique set of skills and her experience and helps them expand their potential and reach their vocational goals.
I’ve had numerous such heroes who’ve come alongside me, men and women whose influence has made me a better therapist, a better writer, a better husband, a better father, a better person. They were a difference maker. Some came alongside for a season and during a strategic time in my life. Others are long-term and a few are permanent until one of us passes. I’ve experienced (and continue to experience) the blessing and benefits of heroes in my life. One of the ways I thank my heroes (past and present) is to pay it forward by seeking to be a hero to others. And I hope that in turn they will use their healing and growth, their personal and professional success, to be a hero to others in their sphere. I simply can’t imagine what could be a more fulfilling mission than that.
Contact Info:
- Website: http://ramonpressontherapy.com
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ramonpresson
- Facebook: Personal: https://www.facebook.com/ramonpresson Professional: https://www.facebook.com/DrRamonPresson
- Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ramon-presson-phd-4602815
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdbL_8ZqxgA
- Other: Archive of Ramon Presson’s newspaper columns: https://tinyurl.com/4bt445ws
Image Credits
Chris Jones