We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Penny Payton a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Penny, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?

As we all stand witness to a world growing very differently than any of us may have expected to see in our lifetimes, I wanted to share a story about unexpected change and its effects on perspective. I choose this particular topic because I think it speaks to the division we are marred in as a country right now. It talks about how I was forced to start thinking deeply, because it does seem that’s what we are all being asked to do right now.

In the Spring of 2012, my life hit a wall, a huge looming brick wall, unmovable in its stance. And there I was, so completely unaware that I just kept banging my head against it, still thinking my way of doing things was the only one that mattered. My life up until this point had been what many people had called enviable, and because so many people thought so, I thought so too. I was making really great money in a prestigious position all while having these incredible experiences many don’t even dream possible.
Suddenly, I was exhausted, but I was so externally focused that I ignored the doctor’s idea of a blood infusion, ewww…I thought, that’s not for me. But it seemed that a score of five on the hemoglobin register wasn’t something that just went away, even if the blood loss had just been a natural part of being a woman. The second visit shook me into action having been told that the next time I went to sleep would be my last. My organs were about to start shutting down one by one which would lead to death within hours – in other words there was no escaping a transfusion. Apparently my life was destined to change directions whether I liked it or not.

I got right up from having the transfusion and went right back to work, which caused more damage to my health and forced a leave of absence. Upon my return I learned that my assistant was to be fired and my workload would have to double, even though I could barely keep my head up. This was more shocking than the near-death situation. Having dedicated nearly three decades to the people in this company and realizing that those same people saw me as completely disposable. That very fact, that those I had spent most of my time around people who cared nothing about me was what made me finally start caring about myself.

How had I gotten to a place like this in my life? It was time for me to figure that out. So, I went from being a very stable, responsible person to one who had no idea what to do next; and it was the best thing that could have happened to me. The first thing I did was to stop worrying about work, even though that’s all anyone wanted to talk about. I had enough of a cushion to give myself time to finally stop and think and I was stunned to realized I’d never asked myself what I really wanted. Not once. That was the start of the best adventure I’ve been on in life.

As always, we appreciate you sharing your insights and we’ve got a few more questions for you, but before we get to all of that can you take a minute to introduce yourself and give our readers some of your back background and context?

Sure, I am definitely one who is living a definitive second chapter in life. The best I can say about that first chapter, having been away from it a while now, is that it was pretty unnecessary. There is no point in living a life focused primarily on money when it causes you to lose touch with the most important things in life.

When I was thrown onto this new track what I was doing was pretty unheard of, people weren’t walking away from well-paying jobs, no one was talking much about trauma or triggers, so I became a researcher out of need. I am grateful to have found an amazing hypnotherapist who helped to see that I had been subjected to a boatload of trauma via neglect, isolation, and verbal abuse as a child. Those sessions led to an understanding of my food addiction as well as how I’d been able to accept an abusive workplace for as long as I had. The series of jolts I received had pushed past my tolerance levels and opened my eyes to how unhealthy and unhappy my life had been.
Because I’d become a parent myself at eighteen, I also started researching the effects of childhood trauma on adult behavior. Striving for external validation, seeking success and security via money is caused by an emotional disconnect that happens in childhood, mainly because almost no one is taught how to properly understand or navigate their own emotions. Having been taught to fear or ignore them disconnects us from the heart-based behaviors of kindness, compassion, and empathy.
I learned that once you unpack the baggage of childhood we reconnect with the things we’ve longed for all along, happiness, joy, freedom, and peace because we find balance in our focus – both internal and external. I see it as reconnecting with our soul and our purpose. This is what I work on today, shining a light on the importance of connection in humanity.

We often hear about learning lessons – but just as important is unlearning lessons. Have you ever had to unlearn a lesson?

I think the recognition that life can be lived by the default of how our childhood went is something that many people have not taken the time to look into. I think this is a lesson that we all need to unlearn. We’ve had these false ideas about childhood for far too long. If every adult understood the importance of holding those years in reverence and could see the absolute vulnerability of children who are fully dependent on others for their survival, or recognized children’s desperation to be accepted for who they feel they are, rather than trying to program them into what we think they should be and understood the importance of their needs to feel secure and valuable, well, the world would be a very different place indeed.

Instead, we’ve all created the false personas of ego to protect us from the confusion, sadness, pain, and fear that lingers from those early years. That’s what we must unlearn, and we do that by being open-minded enough to start asking questions and admitting that there may be a better way that those we are so certain of before we start. This is where most, if not all of us get stuck at some point early in life, is the lack of introspection and questioning what it is we truly want or believe or the courage to face that we’ve just been conditioned or had to learn to think this way because that was the only way it was safe. We can take on those false beliefs thinking that they are important truths because of fear and our subconscious has become so accustomed to protecting us it perpetuates those loops.
This is what happens when we don’t learn emotional self-awareness, when a person lacks a secure internal connection with themselves they also lack a solid emotional foundation.
That is what causes them to start seeking resolutions only externally. It also causes them to believe beyond the shadow of a doubt that they’re completely right because they stop learning they hunker down they get defended they hide behind that false persona and not only stop growing, but fear growth and change. They get left behind, they get angry, and they want things to stay their way and they will do pretty much anything to have their way.

Can you tell us about a time you’ve had to pivot?

Life, if you’re willing to fully live it is one giant pivot. One thing that’s important to note is personal growth is not a goal-based procedure. It’s a way of life. Once we open the door to being open-minded and stop thinking our one way of seeing things is the only way, the fullness of life and all it has to offer is set in front of you. Learning is freedom. Growth is potential. Awareness is connection. I’ve learned to stop forcing my services, business or a practice and be open to what comes in for myself. Just by doing that I’ve doubled the peace I already knew and receive much more interesting and welcome opportunities, including the time I need when I move into some new piece of growth myself. Everyone can have more of what they want in life, it’s a matter of understanding the past and knowing the more you learn, the less you really do know. 

Contact Info:

• Website: www.unpackingemotionalbaggage.com
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• Other: www.pennypayton.com