We were lucky to catch up with Patty Blue Hayes recently and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Patty, thanks for joining us today. We’d love to hear about a project that you’ve worked on that’s meant a lot to you.

When I was growing up, there were a lot of stressful and emotionally intense scenarios playing out in my family. In 5th and 6th grade I’d write my feelings in my diary and write short stories as a way to express myself. It was at that age, for some reason, I knew that I wanted to write a book that would help ‘grownups’. But I also knew that I was only 11 and while I had experienced things worthy of writing about, I didn’t have the maturity or capacity to write a book that would help anyone.

I never pursued writing as an avocation because I didn’t believe I’d be good enough. But I always journaled and eventually started writing screenplays shortly after my mother died because it became clear, life is short. I lived in Los Angeles at that time and like all aspiring writers; waited tables in restaurants.

I met a friend of a restaurant coworker at a Halloween party and we chatted the whole night. We fast-tracked dating and he moved in 3 months later.

We got married after 10 years of living together and while the first few years of married life were wonderful, things started to change. The relationship became very unhealthy and my self-esteem plummeted. I took his criticisms and opinions as my truth and used alcohol to numb the emotional pain.

It all came to a chaotic abrupt end the night before a friend’s wedding. Reluctantly, he confessed to multiple affairs and stated he didn’t want to be married anymore.

I arranged to leave on the first flight I could find to get back home. While I was in the airport waiting for the flight, my intuition spoke up and said, ‘start writing, this is your first book.’

I published, Wine, Sex and Suicide – My Near Death Divorce, 5 years after the marriage ended. It was brutal to go through the manuscript over and over during the editing – reliving the pain, but I knew my story would help at least one person who found themselves over-drinking, looking for validation from strangers and self-destructing from every poor choice imaginable.

I felt incredibly vulnerable when I published that first book. I could never have written something like that again – it’s so raw, so exposed. But I felt very committed to being as real and honest as I could be. And I believe that is why my book is helpful for people going through the dark night of the soul, or looking for self-reflection on their own life experiences.

I’ve only recently re-engaged with writing and publishing due in part to that old self-doubt.

But I am forging ahead with creating workbooks and journals that will be helpful for people. I’ve also created a series of first-of-a-kind hybrid journals that include a physical journal to write in and a custom GPT for interactive AI assisted journaling.

My first AI book, How to Quit Drinking Alcohol with ChatGPT, sparked the idea of creating those hybrid journals because people benefit from both approaches and AI is incredibly valuable for interactive journaling.

I’m inspired to write helpful books based on my own life experiences, training and experience as a coach and my interest in emotional healing and personal growth.

Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.

I’m from a generation who believed you had to decide on one thing to do with your life and then go work for some company and do that thing; forever.

That idea terrified me, truly. But at that time I didn’t have the guidance or mentorship to help me see an alternative way forward for me. I’d always gravitated toward being an independent contractor and working on my own but didn’t quite see how to make that work. After a move to Los Angeles to work on film sets, I then shifted gears after my mother died and tried to make my screenwriting dream come true. It didn’t.

Then, after a moped accident in Spain that damaged my hand, I shifted direction and went to massage therapy school. I enjoyed that work tremendously but after 7 years the tendonitis in both elbows was excruciating and I had to pivot again.

I made a huge detour and went into commercial real estate appraisal. It did not feel like purposeful work and a market shift dried up most bank contracts.

After my divorce, and subsequent healing and growth journey, I started to finally find my voice, my purpose and have been creating services and products aligned with my core values and the life design that is right for me. I write under Blue Hayes Publishing, I offer personal retreats where I live in the crater of a dormant volcano in Panama and I work directly with a limited number of personal coaching clients.

From my vantage point now, I see that everything I’ve done has led me to have the rich life experience that I’ve had, and that is what provides value to my readers and coaching clients. If I had started directly on this path, I wouldn’t have had my own personal experiences that helped shape me into who I am today.

I love helping people find clarity, peace, meaning, healing and growth. I know how tortured I’ve felt at different times in my life and after my coach training and my own personal journeys, I know that we hold the light for our path forward out of any darkness we may be experiencing. And I’m truly honored to share these amazing discoveries with others.

So many people have internal battles that no one can see from the outside. But our minds can keep us trapped, like prisoners, to limiting beliefs, poor mental hygiene, unresolved emotional issues and feeling or believing that we are powerless. If I can help people find their way to self-acceptance and compassion, adopt a new belief system, uplevel their internal dialogue, identify and live aligned with their values and find that sacred inner peace – that is the most gratifying contribution I can make to others.

For you, what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a creative?

What’s most rewarding to finally be living what I feel is my purpose, writing content or working with clients, is that I help people feel better. And sometimes it is the simplest of solutions! One executive client I work with used to use the word ‘problem’ and she’d often say, ‘I’m not good at . . . ‘ – I suggested she swap out the word, ‘challenge’ instead of problem because a challenge is something we can overcome, it’s not a festering annoying problem. And she started saying, ‘I used to do . . . but I’m learning to do . . . ‘ and that empowered her in a variety of different ways.

Or a client who had a hard time delegating and felt guilty for taking time for restoration and renewal – it stemmed back to her mother calling her lazy if she wasn’t busy doing something all of the time. I helped her find a way to release the voice of the mother and to create her own definitions and meanings of how she spent time. She learned to delegate and created boundaries so her employees no longer took advantage of her. She found peace. That was an incredibly satisfying transformation to witness.

I love the time that I can sit in contemplation, listen to the rain and write words that will hopefully have a positive impact on people. I love that I’m not beholden to the rhythm or timeclock of anyone else. And I love how creating helps bring in more creativity. When I’m in ideation mode, it’s incredible what I can imagine. And thankfully, being a writer is easier than being a sculptor; I can just sit at the laptop.

For anyone drawn to an unconventional path, I’d encourage them to determine what they value most and then put all choices and decisions up to see if they are aligned with those values. That’s a good starting point for self-evaluation when you may be feeling uncertain.

What do you think is the goal or mission that drives your creative journey?

As I’ve gotten to know myself and taken all sorts of personal assessments, gone through my coach training, I know that one thing that’s always been important to me was to be helpful to others.

For many years this desire was misguided – giving away too much of myself or my identity – thinking I was a helpful or good person by always being ready, willing and able to support other people.

But once I learned about myself and learned how important it was for me to create boundaries and respect decisions I made for my own wellbeing, things started to change.

By honoring myself and my needs, I can provide more for others because what I provide comes from my own full cup. I know my time and energy limits and schedule my time accordingly. I’m incredibly grateful to live my life according to the natural rhythm by body, mind and spirit have. I don’t force myself to do anything, I don’t care to create a rigid ‘creative’ schedule and I no longer try to fit in with the type A personality or ‘high achiever’ status.

By living my life authentically, I can then provide meaningful and valuable resources to help others – and I can sleep late, not do the dishes if I choose and never have to sit under soul-sucking fluorescent lighting in a windowless office ever again.

I used to believe that I wasn’t qualified to help people because I was always on my own journey, but that’s exactly what is most beneficial to others.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.pattybluehayes.com
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pattybluehayes
• Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/@Pattybluehayes
• Other: Author link
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