We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Nicole Sylvester a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.

Nicole , thanks for joining us, excited to have you contributing your stories and insights. Was there a defining moment in your professional career? A moment that changed the trajectory of your career?

My first career was teaching 1st grade. It was incredibly satisfying despite being quite a challenge, as I was working in a very low income school. There were so many amazing moments that I had the opportunity to experience as a teacher of 6 year olds. It opens the eyes and the heart to witness honest thoughts, growing challenges and limitless creativity. However, after I had my second child I decided to become a stay at home mom.

I believed that it was my responsibility to stay home with my children and because it was an option financially I left my position in the school district and took to mommying. I admit that I consider myself very fortunate to have had the opportunity to spend so much time with my children and connect with them deeply. For me though, being a stay at home parent left me with a huge hole somewhere in my soul. I knew that I was supposed to be doing more.

One morning I woke and felt as though I wanted to peel my outer skin/facade off to reveal the authentic me that hid underneath. I slipped into a depression that lasted almost a year until I was fortunate enough to be referred to a spiritual counselor. She not only energetically healed me with chakra work but also served to be the most loving, thoughtful and supportive person I have ever known. In that safe space I was allowed to grow into an authentic version of myself. A self that I had never known before, as I had lived most of my life people pleasing and chameleoning into whoever I thought people wanted me to be. I lived my life based on my perception of others’ expectations. And thanks to this phenomenal counselor I was given permission to be me.

It was through this process that I knew I wanted to be of service to others in the same capacity. It was clear that so many of us go through life, living in a box that squeezes us and holds us to a form that may have nothing to do with who we truly are.

My depression, which led to a midlife realization was the catalyst that drove me to understand that I am here to be many things. A mom, a friend, a partner, a healer, an artist and a life guide. My goal now is to give others permission to live out of the box. I want to help people learn more about themselves so that they can take action in creating lives that feel satisfying and incredibly enjoyable. This process takes some time and support but it starts out with the permission to change. I want to offer my clients the permission to change and the guidance to get in alignment with their most authentic lives. I believe that we all deserve to love ourselves and live our lives to the fullest.

Nicole , before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I feel like the life guiding business selected me long before I was ever aware of it. Helping friends and loved ones process life and tricky situations has always been something I felt called to do. Becoming a certified life coach (life guide) is the perfect profession for me. It provides me the opportunity to learn more about people and life. As well as support clients on their journeys and witness the successes and growth that we are all capable of.

My focus is helping my clients develop stronger self-awareness. Covid brought to light how so many people live externally, ignoring their intuition and their preferences in an attempt to live up to others’ expectations. When we ignore our connection to self we can often find ourselves feeling empty and disconnected from joy and life satisfaction. Loneliness, poor communication and feeling disconnected are some of the main reasons my clients come to me. They feel as though they have lost their way and need support to discover who they are now and commit to taking steps towards goals that fulfill them.

What sets me apart from others is that I specialize in working with men. Men are wildly under supported in our country. I believe that everyone deserves and can benefit from support in life, yet society often dictates that men figure out all of their problems on their own. Though I do not presume to know what it is like to be a man, I do have the tools and compassion to meet them where they are and offer support and accountability for growth and success. I know I am here to partner with my clients, both men and women, in creating meaningful, enjoyable lives.

In addition, I also feel strongly about the role that nature can play in healing. Modern day lives disconnect us from our natural affiliation with the outdoors. There are countless studies and research results that speak to the power that nature can have in healing us psychologically and physiologically. Therefore, when it is an option, many of my clients meet with me on walks in nearby parks or woodlands. I encourage all of my clients to find ways to get outside and be in nature for at least 15 minutes a day and they all report feeling better each time. Getting curious and creative about how to make life better for the client is my focus and passion.

What’s a lesson you had to unlearn and what’s the backstory?

​​A hard lesson that I had to unlearn is that it is my job to change who I am so that I can be loved and appreciated. As children under the age of 7 we create stories about how we are to show up in our lives so that we can be loved and cared for. Though my parents were phenomenal, somehow along the way my story became one of people pleasing. Don’t rock the boat. Guess what people want so that you can be who they want and do what they want. Adjust, shift, change, stay small… and no matter what, be sure “they” are happy. These were the elements of my story growing up and even into adulthood.

I have generalized anxiety disorder which probably added to this false story I told myself. But up until my late 30’s these were my rules. Thus becoming a 38 stay at home mom and feeling wildly depressed was a red flag indicating that I was not living a life for me. I had checked all of the traditional boxes and created a life that was perfect on paper, and yet I was still incredibly sad and felt immense guilt for not being more grateful for all of the goodness.

Turning to mindfulness practices, energy work and lots of talk therapy allowed me to connect more deeply with myself. It also gave me the courage to start making changes in my life so that I was taking care of myself as much as I was taking care of others. This meant not sacrificing my joy and career wants and needs for my family or societal norm. Courage, connection and curiosity pulled me out of my depression and allowed me to start trying new things. Through new experiences I built my confidence up and finally said yes to joining a coaching program so that I could be certified in helping others make similar difficult shifts.

I learned the hard way that not everyone will love you. It’s a tough thing to be ok with, but it is not our job as humans to compromise our truths so that others will like or love us. I tell my clients that we are all of incomprehensible worth. I believe it is impossible to know how valuable we are because we offer energies and attributes that are beautiful, limitless and incredibly unique to us. I want my clients to understand that it is time to throw away the box.

How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?

It’s funny because although I have never thought about it this way, I feel like most of my adult life has been about pivoting. In my youth I felt very driven to be a teacher. I knew I liked children. I knew that I wanted a baby of my own and was determined to create a life to that end. I babysat, worked at kids’ camps, coached and finally went to college and teaching school to get my credential.

Due to my determination I achieved all that I had set out to do. I received my credential after college and became a teacher. It was interesting, challenging and incredibly rewarding. Shortly after I became a parent of 2 amazing children. Little did I know that these were only parts of who/what I was going to be in life. After having children I decided to be a stay at home mom, aka. pivot one. I loved being with my children but it was not as fulfilling as I had expected. Fortunately I had already started part time teaching group exercise fitness classes at a local gym so that allowed me to feel fiscally productive, something that I value for myself greatly.

My desire to work and feel autonomous drove me to work at two different fitness jobs which were physically taxing while I received little sleep from mommying all night. Eventually my body said no more and I got quite sick and turned to focusing on nutrition, fitness and mindfulness. This led me to start working with some clients as a health and wellness coach. (pivot two)

As time went on demands from my childrens’ schools and extracurricular activities increased. Coupled with my desire to be productive and a contributor I fell into big active parenting roles such as: swim team president, cub scout leader and master, art fair coordinator etc. I became the ultimate volunteerer. (pivot three)

Volunteering can be taxing. Covid provided a pause and turning point for me. In an attempt to get some alone time away from home, I started solo camping and adventuring in the beautiful California wilderness. I led nature wanders in local open spaces and provided guided meditations and mindfulness guidance. I deeply connected with myself through nature. I realized that I could pull together my skills and interests and employ all that I had learned through different vocations and personal experiences (pivot four). I wrapped them in a tiny bow called life coaching. Now I use everything I learned over the years to help others. Interestingly my friend and I also started a podcast called Daring to Dabble which in a way encapsulates my life changes in encouraging people to continue to try new things until something lands.

I believe that life is for living, experiencing and growing. You have to be willing to change, shift and adjust so that you can create a life that is just right for you.

Contact Info:

• Website: nhopeguidance.com
• Instagram: n.hopeguidance
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/N.HopeGuidance
• Linkedin: linkedin.com/in/nicole-sylvester-44493a52
• Other: www.linktr.ee/n.hope Includes link to Daring to Dabble podcast