We were lucky to catch up with Nicholas Berry recently and have shared our conversation below.

Nicholas, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Was there an experience or lesson you learned at a previous job that’s benefited your career afterwards?

I was hired at an addiction treatment center after a layoff due to my previous company downsizing. An attractive aspect of the therapist role was that clients were placed in cohorts, so to speak, which provided consistency and allowed clients to form close relationships with each other to aid in their recovery. The center also had dedicated tracks focused on career/educational opportunities and trauma, which further aided in the recovery and aftercare of clients.

I was asked by a program director how I was adjusting and feeling. I expressed feeling tired and overwhelmed due to the adjustment and that my caseload was very heavy, which included group therapy, family sessions, and individual sessions. When I informed her how many clients were on my caseload, she immediately walked me over to the trauma therapist’s office and told her how many clients I had and said “you’ll know why I brought you to her office: after sharing the information with the trauma therapist.

In that conversation, she shared with me that when she started working at the company, she was also taking on a large caseload and stated “do you want to burnout? Nick, you don’t have to save everyone. People are put into our paths for a reason, and whoever you think would be better treated by you might actually need to be on that other therapist’s caseload for a reason. Whether it’s their approach, or if it is for that client to gain awareness and learn how to advocate for themself if they are not getting what they need.”

Lesson learned: I’m not here to save everyone and my worth is not based on how many people I help and how much success I have as a therapist.

Nicholas, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?

I provide individual, couples, and group therapy. I am also certified in ketamine-assisted psychotherapy (KAP) and facilitate dosing and integrative sessions. I work with a company called Journey Clinical, who provides the medication management component of the process. In addition to individual sessions, I provide KAP with couples and groups, and am currently in the developmental stage of planning retreats incorporating KAP and am hoping to begin offering those services in the fall.

My approach to therapy is very much structured around the stated needs of my clients at any given point in lives. In my experience, most people begin their therapy search when their life is already in an unmanageable state or when the dynamic in their relationship with others is in “unresolvable” conflict. When we are escalated and in a state of distress, we are usually not able to step outside of our problems in order to see that sometimes that smallest adjustment or change in how we are approaching or communicating the problem can sometimes dramatically change our perception of the issue or solution to our problem.

Usually by the end of a consultation call or an initial session, it’s apparent that the “presenting problem” isn’t what is actually causing the distress in that person’s life. It’s usually a much deeper emotional wound that shows up in one or more areas of someone’s life. Some people may feel overwhelmed when they realize this, but it is my job to help them understand that until those ruptured wounds are fully exposed and we begin the healing work, they will continue to experience distress in life and in relationships.

I am fascinated by people’s narratives of their life, specifically when they pertain to relationships. As an attachment-focused therapist, the greatest excitement I find in my work is when the core relational wound is exposed and every aspect of what supports a client’s perspective of their life being “insert shame-based word here” begins to unlock numerous doors in my mind based on what they have shared with me. Being able to help the client draw those connections and unlock those doors themself is part of why I love what I do as a therapist. Getting the client on-board and witnessing the excitement on their end is even more rewarding.

Given the challenges I experienced in life and relationships, I started to notice that other gay millennial men were experiencing many of the same issues, just packaged differently. Because of this, I wanted to help other gay millennials through their challenges as well. Whether that be a sense of feeling unprepared for the world, not having much access to gay culture as a child or young adult, which created a feeling of inadequacy or being defective when attempting to acculturate or relate to other gay men in gay culture, feeling like an imposter, or feeling as though they got a late start and now are unable to enjoy their accomplishments, I know that everyone might not be able to access the tools or skills necessary to get through those challenges. I firmly believe that because my generation did not have a mentor generation of gay men to model behavior and learn from because of the AIDS epidemic, this has had a significant impact in how we navigate through and show up in the world. Similar to children who have to figure life out as a child, millennial gay men have developed either an extreme sense of independence or dependence on others out of fear and might not feel equipped being a mentor generation to younger gay men. A recent shift in the work I focus on is helping gay men understand that we are who younger gay men look to for guidance and human beings are innately designed for connection in order to survive.

What sets me apart from other therapists is my active role I play in the work that happens once sessions begin. Clients have expressed that therapy sessions with me aren’t like previous therapy experiences, as they felt previous therapists might not have been as engaged as they would have liked or didn’t challenge them to be as much of an active participant in their sessions. I believe that therapy begins once contact is initiated, as every step of the process (from response times, responses to questions asked, etc) all can play a critical role in either reparation or re-wounding,. I am beyond grateful that I have the privilege of listening to a client’s story for an hour a week and have the ability to influence changes in their lives that might make a dramatic difference in all areas.

What a prospective client can expect in a therapy with me is someone that brings with them a lifetime of perceived struggle and challenges, but has done the work to understand that those setbacks were just that; setbacks that provided so many opportunities for growth and a working model of someone that approaches life very differently than he did 13 years ago when my therapy journey began. I want my clients to know that I a real person who has experienced many of the things they are currently seeking help with and my ability to self-disclose in a manner that is clinically appropriate only helps with clients feeling as though they can relate to me.

If you could go back, would you choose the same profession, specialty, etc.?

Looking back, I would not change one aspect of my journey that led me to my profession. Although my life has not always felt enjoyable or like I was thriving at many points, I can truly say that every experience I have had has created so much depth to my personality and helps me provide guidance and assistance to others. My work as a therapist allows me a glimpse into the lives of others that helps me to continue to do work on myself. Had I taken my premed studies seriously and been successful in my studies and pursued pediatric medicine, I think I would have been less fulfilled later in life. This work allows me to have a completely unique perspective and appreciation for life and for my journey.

Can you tell us about what’s worked well for you in terms of growing your clientele?

My most effective strategy was being passionate about wanting challenging clients and work during the initial phase of my training. I truly believe that if we shy away from what intimidates us professionally, we reinforce that fear from that point forward. Being relentless about working with challenging cases allowed me to conceptualize my work with clients in a completely different way. When a client knows you are not afraid of a challenge, they are more trusting of you because you are the person they seek guidance from when they are experiencing fear. I truly believe my experience with acute mental illness working in residential facilities treating addiction and severe emotional disorders gave me a significant advantage in the development of my skills and helps me to provide a different therapy experience for my clients.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.nicholasberrypsychotherapy.com
• Instagram: @thegaymillennialtherapist
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicholas-berry-b5b46a58

Image Credits

Bryan Kosarek
Allen Zaki
Carlos Brandt