Alright – so today we’ve got the honor of introducing you to Neelam Bhella. We think you’ll enjoy our conversation, we’ve shared it below.
Neelam , looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. We’d love to hear about the things you feel your parents did right and how those things have impacted your career and life.
My parents have been a constant source of love, encouragement and inspiration up until this very day. The amount of love and respect I have for them cannot be measured in any way or written with words alone.
My father was born in 1940 in what would become Pakistan after partition and had to move to India in very ill health with his family, leaving everything behind, when the subcontinent was finally free from the British in 1947. He faced much hardship during his childhood but also constant love from his own father (my grandfather). My dad had been a school teacher when he told his family that he had the opportunity to move abroad for a better future. So he emigrated alone to England in 1964 at 24 years old with only the equivalent of $3 U.S. in his pocket (that’s all he was allowed to bring into the country). He lived with friends and distant family who were already settled and immersed himself into the 1960’s British way of life: ballroom dancing; the Beatles; the cinema and of course the pub! His hard work and determination paid off, as he was able to buy his own home and car before his fiancé (my mother) arrived in 1967. They married in 1968 and as newlyweds, my father’s strong work ethic, outgoing and adventurous personality as well as his kindness and patience with my mother set the foundation for our family before I was born in 1970. My mother proudly recalls that it was my father who named me and I became his constant sidekick! She had my younger brother two years later and my dad continued to be my BFF so that my mum was able to bond with my brother. Six years later, my baby brother was born and after a day of tears by 8 year-old me (I had wanted a sister), I chose to treat my baby brother as my very own live doll!
There are so many stories that really showcase the way my father was so ahead of his time as a parent and the head of the household and how he encouraged my mother as an equal. Gender quality is one of the tenets of our Sikh faith and my dad was of the belief that this be something we adhered to in our home.
By the time there was the three of us children, I vividly remember how my dad used to send us upstairs to bed at 8 o’clock (even when we had company over) and he used to tell us to brush our teeth and that he would come up to give us a score out of 10. We were so competitive with each other, that we brushed our teeth as though were in the Olympics and stood there with our grins so that our dad could tell us our scores!
Dad was playful with us. I remember how we used to wrestle with him on the living room floor in the evenings with my mum happily watching us all as we played a game we invented called “touch the yellow door.” The idea was that my dad was going to stop us from getting to the door and we would try and crawl away from his arms. The first child to touch the yellow door was the winner! We all used to sit and watch TV shows together and many times, our competitive spirit had us watching quiz shows where we would yell out the answers, or playing board games like snakes and ladders and Monopoly. These family times are some of my most cherished memories.
When it came to our academics and extra curricular activities, my parents hardly ever missed a school play or concert, a karate competition, a sports day, or a parent-teacher interview. I remember dad used to take us all to the bookstore countless times on Saturday mornings where we could pick out our favourite books to buy. We would come home every day from school and read our book as well as write two pages in our notebooks, copying the words so that we were able to practice our penmanship and comprehension. We would have to show our notebooks when dad got home and if we didn’t finish, we would have to complete it the next day. My parents also encouraged us to all to sing, play musical instruments, paint and play sports. We put on many a puppet show or talent show in the evenings for our parents. There was nothing off-limits to us.
One thing that is important to note, that even though my mother sometimes got frustrated with us three rambunctious kids, my dad never raised his voice or spanked us and in fact we were never allowed to swear or even say “shut up”!
My mother was just as nurturing, driving us everywhere we needed to go, always present for us, cooking for the family, taking me on special shopping trips with her, visiting with other women in the community, dancing and connecting and teaching me how to cook and knit and sew. I enjoyed spending time with her just as much as I did with my dad, and as I was the only daughter, the time with my mom was very special. Both of my parents taught us how to do chores, such as cooking, changing a tire, mowing the lawn, cleaning the windows and vacuuming.
As we got older, my parents established a family textile business, where they worked alongside each other and where was never a question of us helping out, whether it was at the outdoor market on a Saturday or in the factory, helping clean up after school or helping with packaging the clothes that had been sewn, or in the summers alongside the other employees.
My parents were dearly respected by their employees and I remember many dinners and visits to their homes, attending weddings and other events that we were invited to. I saw first-hand how much my parents took care of everyone.
Life was not all work, we had much fun too, socializing with family, friends, neighbours and employees. We went on several vacations to visit family in India and Canada as well visiting family and friends on overnight trips in different parts of England. We often paid our respects at the gurdwara (Sikh place of worship) and connected with the community. We would also go on day trips and our highlight would be when my mother would pack a picnic on a random weekend morning and dad would get us into the car and tell us that we were going on a mystery trip and start driving and we three siblings in the back seat would be excitedly guessing where we were going! We lost count of how many amusement parks and seasides (beaches) we visited over the years.
Their love, support and communication was always important and even though I may not have liked how strict my parents were sometimes, they always made clear their reasons for their actions as parents. Supporting me moving to London at age 18 and also when I decided to apply to the police service were just two more ways in which, when I look back now, I am struck by how much they trusted my judgement as a young woman. They had instilled their values and ethics in me and then watched me soar.
I have proudly kept their method of parenting alive as I have raised my own two children with the same vision. I still visit with them several times a week as we live in the same neighbourhood. Now in their 80’s, my parents are full of vitality and continue to give us their love and advice. We, as a family have never been closer, and my siblings and I show our love to each other and our parents any way that we can.
Great, appreciate you sharing that with us. Before we ask you to share more of your insights, can you take a moment to introduce yourself and how you got to where you are today to our readers.
As I mentioned, I arrived in Canada with my family in 1989 as a 19 year old young woman. I took a subway train alone into downtown Toronto that first week, and walked into a employment agency. I walked out with a job at one of Canada’s largest law firms in one of Canada’s tallest buildings as a receptionist. My first job in Canada where I stayed for three years, taught me many things: My first supervisor took me under her wing and I learned all about office politics and office romances! I met my first friend there whoI am still close to , this very day. At 22, I resigned to pursue further education. In 1994, I graduated with a Law and Security Administration Diploma (Hon). Before I had even graduated, I was able to secure a position at Queens Park as a special constable. It is the legislative building of the Ontario Parliament and I worked there for three years, keeping the buildings, politicians, grounds and public safe.
I wanted to further my career and applied to local police services. I was successful in obtaining a police constable position and in 1997 I attended Ontario Police College and was the first South Asian woman to be hired as a police officer by my current employer. The first few years on the job were immensely challenging and I resigned to move to Quebec for marriage. Some more challenging times came, as things were not easy in Montreal as an anglophone, so we moved back to Ontario the following year and I rejoined as a front-line civilian employee with the same service. Over the years, I have dealt with everything from sexual harassment and bullying, shift work and nightshifts, distressing situations and becoming a mother. All of these events were compounded by a lack of support that I was missing and only made me realize that I was the only one who could change my own mindset instead of complaining.
I have always been an optimistic and positive individual and despite all of the challenges, I never wanted to admit defeat or become a victim. I never wanted to become a disgruntled employee and I knew how lucky I was to have this job, where I could make a difference in other’s lives. There were dark times for sure, but I also knew that there was a light in me that was bigger than the darkness. I continued to gain the respect and admiration of my coworkers and local community as I networked, volunteered and dove into many opportunities that spoke to my own values.
Over the years, I dabbled in natural health and wellness for myself and my family and it always made me feel better knowing that the natural and simple ways were effective. I gave birth to my children with minimal medical interventions, I started using more essential oils and I stopped colouring my hair. I read more about the causes of cancer, and other health issues that afflict so many. I noticed a change slowly overcome my body, even though I was working shift work and staying up at night. I was in my 40’s and had felt some symptoms of peri-menopause, but one day they were completely gone.
After I stopped working nightshifts at the end of 2017, my body still took some time to adjust to a new 12-hour work day schedule. In 2020, I worked through the pandemic and started to have my first awakening. At work, I was gaining more momentum as a leader by becoming a co-chair and co-founder of the South Asian Internal Support Network, a member-driven initiative that was part of the Diversity Equity Inclusion (DEI) Unit. Our mandate included organizing formal meetings and informal social events for our police service members of South Asian Heritage, educating new recruits on South Asian cultures and barriers they may face as police officers, breaking stereotypes, community building and fundraising initiatives.
In 2022, as DEI was becoming popular in many workplaces, I committed to a year-long college certificate program and graduated with the intention that I would use this in policing. I opened a consultancy business and continued networking.
2023 was an injury -laden year and also a challenging time at work. I ended up taking a few months off work to take care of my physical and mental health and during this time I realized that I was meant for more and it was not DEI. My sadness lifted and clarity appeared. I discovered that my retirement date should I choose to, would be in March 2025. I knew that I needed to rethink what I would want to do post-retirement.
In late 2023, I discovered Ayurveda as a modality for healing and slooked into an online course where I successfully obtained a scholarship, highlighting that I wished to help first responders and shift workers regain their health. Ayurveda is one of the most renowned traditional systems of medicine that originated in India over 5000 years ago. Originally passed on by women orally, then written about and practiced by doctors, Ayurveda, as a medical science, was suppressed by the British Raj (Rule). In 1833, all Ayurvedic colleges were banned. Western medicine had arrived and allopathy was considered the best way to treat patients. Many traditions, lineages and knowledge were lost or destroyed. Even though Yoga was introduced to the West by the 1900’s, the practice of its sister science, Ayurveda, was forced to go underground in India. After independence from colonial rule in 1947, Ayurveda was revived and standardized by the Indian Government. Today, Indian doctors openly practice Ayurveda and many countries around the world have embraced it. It’s validity through science has the support of many of the world’s foremost doctors and specialists.
Ayurveda offers a holistic approach to health and well-being. Ayurveda in Sanskrit translates to “the science of life” and it seeks to balance the mind, body, and spirit through natural methods by living an Ayurvedic lifestyle. Central to Ayurveda is the concept of everything on the planet being made up of a combination of the five elements (earth, air, water, fire and ether) and each person having a dominant one of three doshas or body compositions (vata, pitta and kapha) that influence our physical and mental processes. By understanding and balancing these doshas through the use of herbal medicines, dietary modifications, yoga, meditation and other lifestyle practices, Ayurveda harnesses the power of nature and attempts to bring the body into balance and harmony. Herbal remedies are made from plants, roots, and minerals. amla, ashwagandha and turmeric are a few of the approximately 7000 plants that are well-researched for their Ayurvedic uses in about 8000 remedies.
In January 2024, I started a year-long intensive online course in feminine-form Ayurveda. As I continued on in the course, I began to remember the teachings of my mother in the kitchen. The wisdom had been based in Ayurveda! My own meditation practice grew stronger as the year went on and I was able to remember a healing meditation decree from the 1600’s that had been passed along my paternal side by our sixth Sikh spiritual teacher, Guru Hargobind Sahib. I then created a website and logo with the help of a wonderful local creative visionary Lauren Martin; I did a photo shoot with Veronica Kucherov, a talented photographer with whom I had worked in 2022 and also started my social media channels. I was genuinely excited about what I was learning and immersed myself into my textbooks, lectures and study groups.
I came back to work mid-2024 as a new woman, with a new vision for my future. I continued to study and put into practice what I was learning and healed myself in so many ways internally as well as externally. I realized during my studies, that the basis of Ayurveda is how to best balance oneself with nature, circadian rhythms and seasons. I knew that shift work and working through the night was a prescription for disease and chronic health conditions. It was what I was seeing at my workplace. I made a promise to myself that my sankalpa (Sanskrit- hearts desire) would be to gently empower women in policing, shift-workers and first responders to minimize the ill effects of shift work and working through the night.
In mid-2024 I was invited to write an article in the Police Association magazine, to introduce members of the police service to Ayurveda and give them some tips on how they could stay healthy working shifts. The article was well received. I was also invited to host two webinars for the staff members of a local non-profit, of which I am a board member. These staff work with children with autism and mental health issues. I was happy to teach them some fundamentals of Ayurveda and self-care practices and was encouraged by such a positive response.
As I have mentioned, I am passionate about the ancient wisdom of Ayurveda and how it can be adjusted to fit into our modern fast-paced world. Ayurveda is a slower pace of gentle healing and forces us to pause and think about our inner world more than our outer distractions. I provide encouragement to empower people who are ready to get in touch with their bodies, their emotions and their spirit if they are feeling they are losing control. Our intuition teaches us so much and we have unfortunately stopped listening due to the many external distractions in our lives.
My services include one-to-one wellness coaching sessions, single consultations, webinars and workshops, and a “pitch the poisons” household product audit to help people switch out their toxic products to clean or even homemade products.
Many people, now more than ever before, are realizing that allopathic medicine, is not always the best answer for them. It has its place of course in acute care, however I provide a more scenic path to look at health and wellness. We are part of nature, we are not separate from nature, therefore nature can heal us too. Far too many people have outsourced their health and feel powerless. As a holistic health and wellness coach, I am an advocate for people to reclaim their power, their bodies, hearts, minds and spirit.
Can you share a story from your journey that illustrates your resilience?
When I look back at my journey to where I am today I realize how much resiliency has been a cornerstone of my life: From moving countless times as a young child, to moving away from home at 18 to work in the City of London, to moving countries, heartbreaks in my romantic life, moving provinces, facing immense challenges at work and in my personal life and navigating the pandemic; All of the constant change has made a huge impact on my life and on my character development .
The one event I could say changed the course of my life is when we relocated as a family from England to Canada. My parents were in their 40’s and we children were two teenagers and a tween. We were in the process of selling our family business and chose to move to Canada to be near family here as well as for a better future in business and family life. However, the recession had just begun in England, and when we arrived in Canada, we lived temporarily for three months with my aunt and uncle and three cousins. My dad had to go back to England alone after buying us a house, to finish up selling the business and he would come back and forth to visit as the business was not selling and tying up loose ends was not as easy as we had hoped. My brothers, myself and my mother began to renovate our home. Our household contents were in a shipping container delayed for several more months, which meant we had no furniture or beds. Mum and I had to look for work while my brothers went to school. We didn’t have a car so we had to learn how to use public transit in a new city. In our first winter we discovered snowy Toronto. I remember my mother working night shifts and me working during the day and also helping my brothers navigate school. I look back at those times and see how much my parents had to sacrifice our immediate comfort for our future success. I now understand how my dad had set us up to not fail but to work together as a family and to have faith that everything would work out for the best. I realize now, how much responsibility I had as the eldest child, to help my mother take care of the household while my dad was away. I saw my mother cry many times as she often thought she could not be strong enough for us and was missing my dad so much. I understand now how my parents trusted me to help settle our family.
I also remember how none of us ever complained that we have been put into this situation. We saw the bigger picture at a young age. We saw the vision that our parents had for our family. We just got on with it. I saw the closeness of my extended family in Canada and all my cousins and the way everybody helped us and made sure we were not alone. I remember the happy times with my cousins and new friends, going to parties, malls, amusement parks, playing new sports and having dinners.
We as a family, often talk about those times and we all have our perspectives on what we were going through at that time. We all try to understand each other, knowing we were having our own unique challenges back then. As a family, to go through something together, and then able to talk about it openly is healing.
I choose to learn the lesson when faced with a setback. Sometimes it takes a while for me to realize there IS a lesson, but over the last few years I have come to embrace the lesson! When one door closes, another one opens. Rejection is redirection. These sayings mean so much to me. I constantly meditate on them and remain present to the possibility that at a moments notice, things can change, and it’s natural for them to do so. Therefore, I feel that my resiliency is my superpower. As they say, the only constant is change.
How about pivoting – can you share the story of a time you’ve had to pivot?
To pivot also means to redirect oneself : Redirecting and not looking back but looking forward toward new opportunities. It has been something I have been embracing more of lately. A pivot in my career is what I am currently involved with. For many years, as retirement was so distant, I would dream about what I would do post-retirement from my very steady and stable job. Would I travel? Would I work part time? Full-time? Would I be a lady of leisure? Would I spend my days volunteering? Not once did it cross my mind that I would become an entrepreneur, open my own business, create a website and social media channels, start a podcast, research, read, write, discuss pricing and network with people. Yet that’s exactly what I am doing! The transition that I am currently in is from a long-time government employee with benefits and a pension, towards a second career where I make all the rules, I am my own boss and I have no-one to answer to. I get to do things with my own intuition, on my own timeline, with my own discipline, internal motivation and creativity. The complete opposite of working for thirty years in a very structured, controlled and masculine environment. I also see similarities from my childhood, when I watched my parents work to have the family business flourish and saw the value of hard work to create something to be proud of. My vision of my health and wellness coaching business is a heart-centred one, and I am confident that with all of the relationships I have cultivated and the networking and community-building I have done over the years, will be an invaluable support for me as I move forward.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.thebiophiliclife.com
- Instagram: @the.biophilic.life
- Linkedin: http://linkedin.com/in/neelam-nanuwa-bhella
- Youtube: @TheBiophilicLife
Image Credits
Veronica Kucherov (pictures of Neelam), Lauren Martin (The Biophilic Life logo) Shakti School (Seal), Woodview Mental Health and Autism Services (webinar details), Neelam Bhella (food, supplements and magazine article)