We caught up with the brilliant and insightful Monique Rivarde a few weeks ago and have shared our conversation below.
Monique, looking forward to hearing all of your stories today. Can you open up about a risk you’ve taken – what it was like taking that risk, why you took the risk and how it turned out?
There are so many risks that we take each day; we take risks when walking out our front doors and traveling to our planned destinations, jumping out of airplanes, or giving our entire hearts to a potential soul mate. Anything can happen that would make the risks we take each day unsuccessful or painful; however, there are risks that we can take each day that will help us turn into the best person that we can be, and also to be a Servant to others. It is healthy to take risks that will better our lives and reward our endeavors.
The night of November 7, 2010, my son, Bobby Tillman, took a risk and went to enjoy an evening with his friends. The risk that Bobby took that night was such a positive risk because he made a choice to enjoy his life and he deserved to enjoy his life. Bobby sacrificed so much to live a life that GOD would be proud of, and also a life that has been an example for me, to live my life each day with integrity and morals.
The night my son went to the get-together, he was chosen randomly and beaten until his heart burst; but the risk my son took to enjoy his life, his last night here on earth, has nothing to do with his death. Bobby lived his life! I never regret Bobby going to the get-together, I just regret the young men that murdered Bobby not knowing their worth, because that night we lost five lives, but four had a choice.
Initially, I was in a bottomless hole of depression, sadness, anger, and guilt. I have a daughter as well and she lost two people the night my son was murdered..her brother and me, her mother. I could not put myself together…I could shake the feeling of despair; I did not to want to live for my daughter, for Bobby, or for myself. BUT GOD! After the three trials that my family and I had to attend, to witness my son receive justice for his murder, I had to make a choice…either I was going to continue just existing…or was I going to begin to live – I chose to live. The night my son was murdered, Bobby chose to live and be courageous…I had to make that same choice for my daughter and myself.
I started my organization, BFAM, Inc. (Bobby Tillman’s Family) when Bobby was first murdered, but at that time I created BFAM, Inc. to help Bobby’s friends with their healing from his death. For two years, since Bobby’s death, his friends would come by every Sunday and talk about Bobby and how we could help better the youth in our community. At first I could not understand why the four boys randomly chose Bobby, he was such a good and loving Child of GOD; I hated them for what they did. But through meditation, GOD showed me that the four boys that murdered my son did not love themselves, so how could they respect Bobby’s space on earth. Once GOD showed me that, my feelings towards the boys that murdered my son turned from hatred to empathy and I knew GOD’s purpose for me was to show our youth how wonderful, brilliant, and special they are…to instill self-worth back into our youth so what happened to my son and the four boys that killed him would never happen again. Bobby’s friends were so dedicated to BFAM, Inc., they spoke at anti-bullying events, Churches, schools, and to youth programs. Throughout the time that Bobby’s friends were a part of BFAM, Inc. and my life, I witnessed their growth and healing and it was so rewarding for me…but I still felt a deep hole of unfulfillment for myself.
I asked GOD to show me why I was still living on this earth; to show me HIS Purpose for my life. That’s when I began receiving invitations to share Bobby’s story with the youth in different communities in Georgia. I started speaking to young men and women in prisons, intervention programs, youth programs for at-risk youth, and to students that attended the multiple schools that I have worked in. The risk of placing my Spirit in situations that reminded me of what happened to my son was such a Blessing, but at the same time very painful because I was running the risk of placing myself back into a deep level of depression and I feared that with everything in me. I felt that I did not want to help young men like the ones that murdered my son, I did not owe them that…I only wanted to help young men like Bobby. But I soon learned that GOD placed the at-risk youth in my life because they needed to feel the love that I had to give…the love that I would give to Bobby’s physical heart; and give advice to these young men that I would give to Bobby if he was still on this earth.
It has been such a Blessed journey for me; and even though it is still a risk to put my vulnerable Spirit into situations that could bring back the feeling of deep depression, or discourage me from going forward with GOD’s Plan of helping others, I know the risk is worth it!
Monique, before we move on to more of these sorts of questions, can you take some time to bring our readers up to speed on you and what you do?
My name is Monique Rivarde and I pray you, and your family, are Blessed, healthy, and safe. I am the mother of two children, Bobby and Fashionee, and I currently live in Douglasville, Georgia. My children and I moved to Georgia, from Los Angeles, California, for a more stable and peaceful life. We visited Georgia in 2006 and I fell in love with how the communities felt safe and displayed camaraderie. Moving to Georgia was a blessing for me.
When we first arrived, my family and I really enjoyed our new life in Georgia. My children began to love their new schools and made new friends, and I began a career with Georgia Pacific, that would finally allow me to give my children the lifestyle they deserved, and that I wanted for all of us. I began saving money so that I could purchase a home for us, however, in November of 2010 my son was murdered. Bobby had just graduated from Chapel Hill high school in Douglasville and had begun his collegiate journey. My son, Bobby Tillman, was murdered November 7, 2010, and his death broke every ounce of my being into millions of painful pieces.
Bobby was invited to a get-together on November 6, 2010, by a friend. This friend was a cheerleader at Chapel Hill high school and was celebrating having made good grades that semester. She invited twenty friends, but someone put the get-together’s information on social media and over one hundred children showed up. Two girls started arguing inside the home, so the parents told all the children to leave. The home was in a cul-de-sac and the street was full of children, so Bobby could not leave the location. He and his friends sat on the car they arrived in, while waiting for the streets to clear. However, four teenage boys were watching Bobby and as soon as Bobby’s friends walked away from him, the four boys ran over to my son and attacked him. The first boy hit Bobby from behind and Bobby never knew what hit him. When Bobby fell to the ground, three of the initiator’s friends joined the attack on my son and stomped him until his heart burst. I remember receiving the news of my son’s murder that night and being so crushed and beyond hurt…I was in torment, shock, and agony. My faith was questioned, my motherhood for my daughter became nonexistent and I began to withdraw from my daughter and from life as I knew it…my normal life was gone in one night. The only thing I wanted to do was remember my son and remember his touch, his smile, his hugs, his laughter, and his love in any way I could.
I started a non-profit organization, Bobby Tillman’s Family (BFAM, Inc.), the week after my son was murdered. Bobby’s friends would come to my house every day to feel comfort, protection and to feel close to Bobby. His friends were afraid to leave the house because Bobby was chosen randomly to be beaten to death, so they thought the same thing could happen to them. I knew the boys that murdered my son had no self-love nor cared about their futures or lives, so how could they respect Bobby’s existence. I knew I had to do something to help these children enjoy their lives again and to not feel fear; that is why BFAM, Inc. was birthed. Each of my son’s friends became members of BFAM, Inc. and faithfully came to my house every Sunday for over two years. We prayed and lifted each other out of our depressional state. During our meetings, my daughter and Bobby’s friends created the Bobby Tillman Pact. This Pact holds individuals accountable for their actions and helps them to realize that they are worth everything in this world and beyond. My BFAM, Inc. babies went across the state of Georgia reciting the Bobby Tillman Pact, at over fifty venues and events, spreading the message of self-love and courage. The BFAM, Inc. members stayed loyal until they began to graduate from high school, then college and then began their own life’s goals and careers. Each one of my BFAM, Inc. babies are successful and confident; but most importantly they love GOD, know their worth and has respect for every person on this earth.
In 2012, my family and I attended the first trial for one of the boys that murdered my son; this was an eight-week death penalty trial. The trial sent me back into a deep depression, as it was when I found out exactly what happened to my son and how he died. In 2013, my family and I attended our second trial and by then I was emotionally drained and feeling suicidal again. I could feel myself falling back into the hole of deep depression and I knew that if I fell again, I would not get back up. I still had a beautiful daughter that needed me. Fashionee graduated from high school and started college in 2013 as well and she did it all alone because the only way I could function was through BFAM, Inc., and it was so unfair to Fashy. I felt that my daughter had gone through so much, as when Bobby died, she lost two people…her brother and me. My daughter had to fend for herself without me and she did just that. Fashionee placed all her pain on the back burner to make sure that she graduated from high school and was accepted into college. My pain was so unfair to Fashionee, that I had to decide either I was going to live or simply exist. My daughter deserved for me to fight for my emotional sanity and for my life…she needed me, and I needed her so much. I had dived into my Spirituality and began to depend on GOD for HIS guidance and courage. I can truly say, without a doubt, that without GOD I would not be alive right now. GOD brought the right people into my life, at just the right times and HE is so strategically magnificent. GOD blessed me with signs from Bobby at just the right times and I am alive because of GOD.
A year after the second trial, I began to substitute teach. The reason I wanted to become a substitute teacher was because I knew the only way that I could powerfully affect a child in my community, was to be a consistent presence in their lives; and the only way I knew I could be consistently in a child’s life was through the school system. At first it was very hard for me to be around children because I would see my son and daughter in each of the students. Sometimes I would go home during lunch and just cry, but GOD always gave me the courage to get back up, go back to the school and help a child in any way that I could. When my son was first murdered, I found myself being so ungrateful about everything. But then, by GOD’s Grace, I was offered a position as a Paraprofessional in the Special Education department. It was during this beautiful experience that GOD showed me just how much I had to be grateful for and it was my choice to exist painfully in my circumstance. The students that GOD surrounded me with gave my life a new meaning and I call them my Angels to this day. These beautiful Angels had mental and physical disabilities, and some could not walk or talk at all…but they could love, and they loved unconditionally. These beautiful Angels brought joy, hope, and love to everyone. They hugged me, loved me, and showed me how to be grateful for everything that GOD blessed me with. I currently at a high school, and I work within the Career Technical Instruction department (CTI). I absolutely love being with the students, and they are my babies as well. I love waking up each morning to uplift a child and encourage them to know how special they are.
In my community, I am determined to change how we see ourselves, and this will in turn, change how we see each other. This change will spark such a powerful overflow of love that our youth can flourish without fearing being bullied, fighting, and dying. My organization has awarded twenty-six scholarships through the Bobby Tillman Scholarship Fund, we have held winter clothing drives to aid our impoverished citizens, an anti-violence rally with over 800 in attendance, back-to-school supply drives that gifted supplies to schools in the Douglas County school system, and organized a “Bobby Tillman Bowling Extravaganza” with the proceeds going towards the scholarship fund. I have spoken in juvenile detention centers, anti-bullying rallies, high school programs, and at-risk youth programs with one goal in mind – to uplift the youth in our communities.
With GOD’s Purpose, I will allow my love for GOD to shine through my actions. I will be a Servant in the community and I will be a Warrior for our youth.
If you could go back in time, do you think you would have chosen a different profession or specialty?
If I could go back, I would definitely choose the same profession of being a Servant to our youth in the community. The way that I came about finding GOD’s Purpose for my life was the most painful experience of my life with losing my son. However, the affect that Bobby’s story has had on our youth and the mentorships that I have successfully completed have been so rewarding to my Spirit and my life. I would never chose to go through the pain that I experienced to get to my Servant’s journey, but I would not trade my current Purpose for anything in the world.
Other than training/knowledge, what do you think is most helpful for succeeding in your field?
I feel that other than training/knowledge, what is most helpful for succeeding in my field is courage. As I said previously, it is such a risk to be in the community and taking on situations that could be dangerous physically and/or emotionally. But I feel our youth are worth it and GOD trusts me with this Purpose, so I ask GOD to give me HIS Courage to make a difference in my community and in the lives of our youth. Strength is having the ability to do something; but courage is do it, regardless of fear or apprehension. Courage will give anyone the power to fulfill their dreams, career goals, and/or Purposes.
Contact Info:
- Website: www.
bobbytillmanfoundation.com - Instagram: Monique Rivarde
- Facebook: Monique Rivarde
- Linkedin: BFAM, Inc.
Image Credits
Monique Rivarde